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I've had 2. The first one I was 14 weeks and it was Jan '09. I remember going to the dr and he was sitting there telling me that it happens all the time and that I shouldn't feel like it was something I did, but the worst was my best friend telling me, "Why be so upset about it, you can always have more babies." I just couldn't believe that my unborn child just died, and that's the best she could do to comfort me. I told her that it was something to be upset about because I could never have THAT baby again. I did get pregnant again and my son was born Jan 31, '10. Then a few weeks before his first birthday, I found out I was pregnant again, but at 7 weeks (also in Jan) I lost that baby too (and this time the best my friend could say was, "At least you have Phoenix"). I feel like no one really knows how I feel, and what to say to me. Here on CafeMom is the first place I've ever see other people openly talk about these things. It makes me feel better to know that other people out there feel the way I do, and that there is nothing wrong with me for being so heartbroken over the loss of what can never be now.


Asked by PhoenixsMommy10 at 11:57 AM on Feb. 24, 2011 in Trying to Conceive

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Answers (10)
  • Took me lots of months and medicine to get over our loss. I went the whole 9 months only to have a still birth and she had to be cut out of me in an emergency and I almost died along with her, so it was dramatic and scary. That was our first born, we will never forget..We later got pregnant with the son we have now and he just turned 3 and we are not having anymore.
    People don't always know how to comfort others and it's not their fault. Unless they've been there they don't know.

    Answer by prettyinink2011 at 12:00 PM on Feb. 24, 2011

  • i had 2 , both around 4-5 weeks.

    Answer by letstalk747 at 12:02 PM on Feb. 24, 2011

  • I had my 1st son 5 ½ weeks early and I thought that would be the worst problems I would have with pregnancy, but then I had two consecutive miscarriages both at exactly 8w4d. There is reason to believe the first miscarriage was also twins. Both times my babies had heartbeats the day before I lost them (I had an u/s both times the day before). My cousin's wife also told me, "well you can always have another" well after two consecutive losses that were so similar it really doesn't seem like that will ever happen. Just the worst thing to say to anyone.

    Thanks to progesterone supplementing, low dose aspirin therapy, and high risk monitoring. I now have a beautiful, perfect, amazing 3 month old baby boy/ little brother to my equally amazing 4 year old.

    Answer by kfroz0415 at 12:27 PM on Feb. 24, 2011

  • I know how you feel, I had an ectopic pregnancy Dec '09 at 7 weeks & lost my left fallopian tube, then I got pregnant again & miscarried at 7 weeks in Jul '10, it was soooo hard for me & still is especially this month that my baby was due Feb. 13th, I cried & still cry over my baby, even though I'm pregnant again 8 weeks, I'm happy yet scared, but I'm trying to stay positive with this one things seems to be going good (don't want to spit too high though). But the way your best friend is acting is wrong she should be more supportive, don't worry in this site all these women are wonderful & very supportive, I'm so happy I found this site it's helped me alot through my pain of the loss of my babies, these ladies are so nice, so your in good hands here =)


    Answer by VanillaBlondie8 at 12:28 PM on Feb. 24, 2011

  • It was 2 years on the 19th since my first miscarriage and I actually had my baby 10 months to the day after my second. It still hurts from time to time, but I know I wouldn't have my second son if I wouldn't have miscarried and I cannot imagine life without him which as bad as it sounds really helped me heal. I just think HE was meant to be my baby and that makes him that much more special even though both my kids were beyond special to begin with. :)

    Answer by kfroz0415 at 12:29 PM on Feb. 24, 2011

  • I think that unless they go through it, a lot of people cannot possibly understand....I had people say some of the strangest things to me...One lady said that she envied me because now I have an angel in heaven praying for me....I isolated myself, and grieved privately, and didn't take phone calls because they would make me angry....Don't people realize my baby died? And that means something to me? My mom didn't get it either, but my dad did...weird...I named my helped me grieve...I also registered them at a shrine for the unborn where I was given a certificate with their names on it....It helped...take care...

    Answer by Anna92464 at 12:46 PM on Feb. 24, 2011

  • i found out thursday from a sono that my 7week babys' heart had stopped. i went to the dr this past saturday. as the girl was getting my vitals she looks at me and says "according to our chart, your 10 weeks pregnant today" i just looked at her in disbelief and said "dont you people read the frigin patient charts?!" i was so upset.i had to actually tell her that i was in the process of a miscarriage.and then she said "oh, youre the one with the sonogram" what an insensitive...... so now i have to go for a d & c on tuesday. cafemom has been such a great help to me and im sure it will be again in this difficult week i have coming up.

    Answer by mykidsmom86 at 3:57 PM on Feb. 27, 2011

  • We tried for years (adopted 2 beautiful and healthy babies in 2003 and 2004) and then were shocked to become pregnant this past March. Sadly I m/c at 12 1/2 weeks along (symptoms lifted completely, began bleeding and a few days later, it got heavier and I m/c) Very sad as we were so excited about another 'miracle' in our lives! We were told to try again as we had obviously GOT pregnant on our own. I first joined this site after seeing it on facebook :) I began charting, had some fertility testing done (as did my DH) and just 5 months later, I was pregnant AGAIN! DH was hesitant to get excited as it was so hard with our m/c. Sadly, after actually seeing this baby on U/S at just 5 1/2 weeks, I lost our second child a week later. No symptoms except cramping for an afternoon and then some bleeding which alerted me and caused us to go to the hospital.....where we found out we had lost baby #2. That was just in January.

    Answer by miraclewaits at 8:59 PM on Feb. 27, 2011

  • We are not giving up! We are told that these were both first trimester losses so there is nothing that we could've done. I am hopeful that one day we will have our third child! I am so thankful for supportive friends and also those on this site for their encouragement! I hope you can grieve and one day, move on and begin to TTC again when you are ready. And, also to have a healthy, term baby :)

    Answer by miraclewaits at 9:02 PM on Feb. 27, 2011

  • So sorry. I don't think your friend was TRYING to be insensitive, but maybe she didn't know what else to say? Of course it's better to just admit that you don't know what to say, but...

    im sorry


    Answer by 1smartcookie at 1:21 PM on Mar. 1, 2011