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WWIII with my mother

So it all finally fell apart today. I have a majorly controlling mother. I have always just allowed it because I am a pleaser. I have always done everything to make her happy. So today we are talking and she was going to come over tommrow to help me around the house. I have major anxiety about my mom being in my house. She is very critical of my home (decorating, cleaning) so she is talking about what to do with the den downstairs. I said I was not ready to do anything down there yet because there are so many other thing I want to do first. She goes crazy calls my house a "hell hole". I just walked away. Then we totally had it out this afternoon. She does not think she has done anything wrong.
So here is the question?????
How do you and your controlling, overbearing mother have a normal relationship?

Answer Question
 
thethings

Asked by thethings at 7:41 PM on Nov. 19, 2008 in Relationships

Level 1 (0 Credits)
Answers (7)
  • My mom and MIL are the same way as your mom it sounds. I laid down the law and told them I am not a child. I also said although my home may not always be spotless it is MY home and if you dont like it you dont have to come over. Its that simple. I wont be disrespected in MY home and I am sure they wouldnt appreciate me doing the same while I visit their home. After a couple months of them not coming over or mil not calling they got over it. I think sometimes its hard to break the apron strings for some moms, ecspecially the controlling ones. On a good note, I have noticed over the years with my moms older age she has calmed down ALOT. I think she is trying to get into heaven.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:44 PM on Nov. 19, 2008

  • After a blow up once I was so furious I was determined I was NOT going to be first to apologize or call this time. I actually screened her calls and didn't pick up. I did not talk to her for about 6 weeks and it drove her batty. She called and left a message crying and stuff saying she was sorry. I broke down and called her......3 months later Mrs. Control showed back up. I just distance myself from her now and again. She gets the clue and does better for a while.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:45 PM on Nov. 19, 2008

  • My mother is the same exact way!! Soooo I moved 1300 miles away from her and it worked wonders!!!
    scaredmommy08

    Answer by scaredmommy08 at 7:49 PM on Nov. 19, 2008

  • I doubt that she will stay away for long. Part of the reason is she could not go that long with out seeing the kids, my dad can't either. Also, I work for my dad....out of my parents house. So Friday I will have to see her. I don't think she is ever really going to get it. The one good thing I have going for me is that my dad is really really pissed off about the whole thing.
    thethings

    Answer by thethings at 7:59 PM on Nov. 19, 2008

  • I am the controlling, overbearing mom and my children have learned to just flat out tell me they love me but it's their home and they want to do it their way. It's fair and it's honest. We older moms have had our opportunity to decorate and clean our own way. That is your home. You do what suits you. Thank her for her willingness to help (that way you are being polite) but you'd rather do it yourself. You can accept suggestions if she wants to give those but the final decisions need to be yours. Sometimes we old birds think we know it all. Well we don't. Don't get too upset with us. It's just our way of staying in your life. Sometimes we're scared we have no value to you anymore. Getting old and feeling not needed anymore sucks
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 8:16 PM on Nov. 19, 2008

  • Take the advice the first poster suggested. It may be like a slap in the face to her, but isn't that what she's doing to YOU?
    rhope4

    Answer by rhope4 at 8:16 PM on Nov. 19, 2008

  • My mom is so bad that I had to disown her. She has been this way all my life! The straw that broke the camel's back was when she claimed my kids on her taxes AND tried to have me arrested and put in jail and then tried to take my kids from me. No love lost there, sorry! GL:)
    Babylove76

    Answer by Babylove76 at 9:10 PM on Nov. 19, 2008

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