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3 Bumps

Am I the only one like this?

I see posts on here all the time about how women are so upset because because they find out about their SO having a personal e-mail account, or opening up their own checking account, etc. and all this time they've had shared accounts for EVERYTHING.

Am I the only person who likes my privacy so much I couldn't stand to share any kind of account, and respects my SO's enough to not care if he has one e-mail/bank account/FB, etc. or 50? I just don't understand why so many people feel like they have to be a part of every single aspect of their SO's life because I'm very independent and I like my privacy and space. I don't poke around in DH's stuff, he doesn't in mine, we're separate individuals sharing a journey basically. Sometimes I feel like I'm the only one here who feels this way lol.

**BTW! I'm NOT criticizing those who feel this way, and I'm sorry if it comes across that way! I'm just asking if I'm alone in feeling like this because I just don't understand sharing THAT much. I know some people like that, and that's great if it works for you, it's just not for me personally.**


Asked by Mrs.BAT at 12:32 PM on Feb. 24, 2011 in Relationships

Level 38 (105,028 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (19)
  • Nope, we both have our own checking and savings accounts, our own email and our own FB - just because we are married does not make us the same person.

    Answer by scout_mom at 12:34 PM on Feb. 24, 2011

  • We have joint accounts for money, but each has a debit card with a set amount each month to spend on whatever we want. We have our own email, FB and such accounts. I think money should be communal property, but ideas, feelings, and thoughts are personal and should be private.

    Answer by SleepingBeautee at 12:39 PM on Feb. 24, 2011

  • We have always had separate emails and FB, things like that. I LOVE my privacy, and he respects that. He doesn't care one way or the other. I know all his passwords, though, and he knows most of mine. Money, though, is a separate issue for us. We have ONE account, and that's it. He calls it OUR money, even though I don't make any money at all :)

    Answer by lovingmy4babies at 12:42 PM on Feb. 24, 2011

  • We have our own e-mails, but everything else is either joint or we both have passwords, etc. SInce I am a SAHM, this is necessary because I don't have a paycheck, but I am in charge of all bills, paperwork, child stuff, shopping, car upkeep, mortgage, etc. And, we need to keep each other in line when it comes to expenditures because we have a very tight budget.

    Since we got married later than some, we had many, many years or privacy and doing whatever we wanted to do ourselves . . . it is kind of nice to "share" now that we are an aging married couple.

    Answer by ImaginationMama at 12:45 PM on Feb. 24, 2011

  • I like to have my own email. He has his own email also. I don't really even want him using my computer, we each have one. We don't answer each other's phone unless the one whose phone is ringing is busy and says can you get that. He won't normally even get in my purse. He'll hand it to me if he wants a check to pay for something, he hates having to deal with bank accounts so I get that chore. That said, it would probably bother me if the setting up of one or more email and bank accounts came out of the blue with no warning. How many of those things does one person need? lol If he started being distant and not being around nearly as much. But us just having some privacy, no, I think that is okay.

    Answer by wildflowers25 at 12:48 PM on Feb. 24, 2011

  • My husband has personal email accounts but he tells me all the passwords, he doesn't like anything to be secret between us and it's always been that way..We just have that type of relationship though and I'm thankful for it. I love him!

    Answer by prettyinink2011 at 12:35 PM on Feb. 24, 2011

  • no, you're not alone. i'm very private, and there are certain things my dh has no interest in, mentally or physically, so he's not included. same goes for me with his various accounts. the thing is, none of our 'private' accounts are hands-off..we both respect each other enough to be honest and open with everything, to the point that there's nothing to hide and no need to feel invaded if the other asks about something.
    we have personal accounts, and shared accounts (financially). he's not a FBer, but he loves his'm on FB a zillion times a day, and couldn't care about anyone i ever went to school with two decades ago! LOL!

    Answer by dullscissors at 12:40 PM on Feb. 24, 2011

  • Okay. Sharing a facebook or email seems kind of odd to me unless you have an email for family to contact both of you. But if you're filling out job applications or need an email for work or something, a joint email looks unprofessional and kind of strange. Honestly, we both have our own checking and savings account and we divide the bills between us. Like, since I make less I take the smaller bills and gas and he takes groceries and utilities because he makes more. And then, with what we have left, we buy anything we or our son need (new shoes, clothing, or even just a candy bar for the little guy if he was extra good at the store.) Idk why it would be such a big deal unless you feel you have a reason to distrust DH/SO.

    Answer by MamaStuart at 12:41 PM on Feb. 24, 2011

  • I'm the same way... I want my own bank account, money, email, facebook, whatever. But when I was with my ex we would both pay the bills and such.

    Answer by June_Mama09 at 12:42 PM on Feb. 24, 2011

  • It's not so much wanting to be a part of every single aspect of their spouse's life as it is an insecurity issue. They feel like their SO might be hiding something from them by keeping a personal account that only they can see.

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:59 PM on Feb. 24, 2011

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