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How do I get my boyfriend to talk to me about this pregnancy?

it wasnt planned. We have been together for 5 years and birth control didnt work because of anitbiotics(the doc said it wouldnt affect birth control) he is excited, but i am nervous about becoming a mom and i just want to know how he feels. i dont know if its because he doesnt want me to be worried, idk i just wish he would talk to me about becoming parents and all that.

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whitneyw90

Asked by whitneyw90 at 2:30 PM on Feb. 24, 2011 in Relationships

Level 7 (168 Credits)
Answers (10)
  • You can't. It is sad but true that we do not have the power to change people nor do we have the power to make them do anything. Character is something that is built over a period of time, and the only way it is ever changed is if the person himself decides he wants to be different. I'm sorry you did not learn this before you became pregnant!
    NannyB.

    Answer by NannyB. at 2:33 PM on Feb. 24, 2011

  • I think you just have to start the conversation. If he doesn't want to talk then you can't force him. I would give him some time before you try again. Sometimes it is very hard to have these conversations in the beginning. I would maybe let him lead the conversation, you could start it and then see what he has to say or ask.

    Good Luck!
    cornflakegirl3

    Answer by cornflakegirl3 at 2:33 PM on Feb. 24, 2011

  • We need more information to help you = is he upset? was it planned ? Is he mad / scared? It helped a lot for my husband to read a what to expect fathers book to help with feelings he was dealing with and Max was very much planned but some unexpected feelings came and although he'd talk to me, he didn't want to stress me so the book was helpful to him
    maxsmom11807

    Answer by maxsmom11807 at 2:34 PM on Feb. 24, 2011

  • Don't understand the question. Why is he not talking about it? Is he just in shock or did he not want a child?? More info nneded
    gutterflower585

    Answer by gutterflower585 at 2:38 PM on Feb. 24, 2011

  • Try to remember that right now your whole world has changed as you are now carrying this little person inside of you, and it's all a surprise since it was unplanned which makes it harder to get used to the idea. For your boyfriend this is more of an abstract idea- his body, hormones, emotions aren't changing, his day to day life is the same so far. So this is probably more real to you than to him right now. Like you said, he may be keeping his fears to himself to protect you, or he may truly just be excited. Men also often don't have a firm grasp of what a baby means as far as sleepless nights, constant care, etc, and what he doesn't know he can't fret over. Open up the talk yourself, start with sharing your concerns. He'll try to solve the problems because that's what men do even though you just want to have a talk to see how you both feel. Confess you fears first and maybe he will open up about his. Good luck.
    MaryMW

    Answer by MaryMW at 3:01 PM on Feb. 24, 2011

  • Also, maybe he just doesn't have fears and is truly excited and happy at the news. That doesn't mean you can't have your fears but don't keep them to yourself. DH and I used to what-if things all the time. What if she cries all night? What if we don't know what we're doing? What if we never leave the house again? What if we never have sex again? Sometimes it actually helps to answer those what-if's together to calm your fears. Another thing that helps is to educate yourself (and him if he's receptive) on what to expect during your pregnancy and delivery, and even more so on what to do those first few weeks at home. Knowledge is power and reading up on everything helped me feel like I was going to know what I was doing and not be completely lost.

    Good luck to you! Pregnancy is a really scary time, but it can also be wonderful and beautiful and exciting mixed in with the fears and worry. It's a roller coaster.
    MaryMW

    Answer by MaryMW at 3:07 PM on Feb. 24, 2011

  • most men process things differently than women. They like to deal with things in their own heads and in their own time. They aren't the type to run out to all their guy friends for advice and such like women tend to do.

    I would suggest just telling him that you understand if he's not ready to spill his emotional guts but that you just need to hear him reassure you a bit once in awhile that he is happy and committed and not heading for the hills.
    kayslay

    Answer by kayslay at 3:21 PM on Feb. 24, 2011

  • Some men just aren't talkers... give him time, and keep letting him know you NEED the reassurance.. Good Luck
    peekab00

    Answer by peekab00 at 3:35 PM on Feb. 24, 2011

  • You've been with this man for 5 years and you don't know how to talk to him? Anyway...give him time and in the process, learn your man.
    mom2mybabes

    Answer by mom2mybabes at 4:00 PM on Feb. 24, 2011

  • it's difficult for men to talk about their feelings. He won't talk to you the way a (girl)friend or your sis or your mom would. I'd say watch how he acts... also, some men think that pregnancies are more like "woman's territory".
    Belovedmoonpixi

    Answer by Belovedmoonpixi at 12:45 PM on Feb. 25, 2011

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