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4 Bumps

I can't do it anymore!

I have an almost 4 year old son. He doesn't go to daycare, I stay home with him. His father and I together (never seperated). For the past two years my son refuses to go to bed at night (sometimes not till 3 am in the morning). He also stopped taking naps about two years ago as well. He just refuses to take them. Although he does need them. Its like he is always going on a neverending shot of adrenaline. We have tried changing his diet, made sure the house was mellow at night before he went to bed, has a good meal, goes to bed at the same time every night. And still no change, he still refuses to go to sleep.
Then there is the other stuff. He is totally and utterly defiant. I've seen children his age and they can be reasoned with. He will not be reasoned with. He will scream until he gets what he wants and if he doesn't he screams louder and is relentless (he will not stop; the he will get tired bit doesn't work on my child). If we tell him no, he says "I said yes". Its like NO is not a part of his vocabulary and he refuses to hear it. We can't take him out to dinner because he causes a scene every time. And yes he does get disciplined. We've tried everything from firmly talking to him to taking him into the bathroom and spanking him (And no its not a tap on the butt, he cries) but five minutes later he's back to doing exactly what he was doing before.
I'm at my wits end. I love my son and I love being a mother. But he has made it so that I can't enjoy being a mother. And yeah I know there will be plenty of you saying motherhood isn't always a bed of roses. Is it fair then that I've been miserable since this all started two years ago. I need some advice/ help. If there are other mothers out there that seem to have the same problem please speak up because I am going out of my mind. Thanks in advance.

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 4:01 PM on Feb. 24, 2011 in Preschoolers (3-4)

Answers (34)
  • Did something happen two years ago that made this change? Is he verbal ? Is he on track in milestones? I think it sure wouldn't hurt to get him tested to see if he has some sort of behavioral problem. what does his Ped say? What is the relationship like between you and Dad around him? do you fight yell or scream in front of him? Is dad respectful of you in front of him? Does he only act like this with you or is it any where with anyone?

    Answer by maxsmom11807 at 4:06 PM on Feb. 24, 2011

  • Do you take my son when I'm at work? This sounds like him. He has ADHD and, depending on which doctor I ask, Asperger's or ODD. Anyway, have you tried laying down with him at night? What if you didn't give him a choice. "It's time for bed, NOW". My son stopped napping when he was 18 months old. Have you talked to your doctor?

    Answer by TARARENEE at 4:07 PM on Feb. 24, 2011

  • Also - *HUGS* I didn't birth the easiest child either so I can understand and relate to your frustration... I'm so sorry ..!!

    Answer by maxsmom11807 at 4:08 PM on Feb. 24, 2011

  • I have a 4 yo too. She used to go to bed wonderfully, but at age 3 started to fight it. We established a routine that we stick to. Brush teeth-read 2 stories of her choosing-get into bed. We play a music CD, and she knows mom or dad will stay in her room with her for the first two songs. By the 3rd song she is ready for us to leave the room. It has worked very well. There are those times she pitches a fit, but honestly we let her CIO. She falls asleep. We can't give in on those nights she is trying to test us.As for behavior, yeah attitude has increased at this age. I will do time out for talking back, and make her apologize. If she screams the whole time she's in time out, she stays longer. If she chooses not to apologize, she stays until she is ready. She knows time out is no joke. There are times if she's really being a butt (refusing to clean toys or yelling at us) I take away privledges (games-toys). It works.


    Answer by KairisMama at 4:08 PM on Feb. 24, 2011

  • I have teens so Im going to bump you. I remember my son at this age was a whole different beast then his older sisters attitude. He was climbing out of the crib at 9 months old. Good luck hon, hope you get some answers that help you

    Answer by beyondhopes at 4:09 PM on Feb. 24, 2011

  • @maxsmom11807- Yes he is very verbal, almost too verbal for my liking sometimes. His father and I are very close and do not fight much and if we do its not in front of our son. And yes he treats with respect in front of our son. He is like this with everyone. And no nothing happen two years ago that stands out in my mind. It just seems like something clicked in his head and he woke up like this one day. As for milestones yes he is mostly on track. The only issues we are having at the moment is potty trying. He will pee on the potty but not poo. He refuses. He also has a slight speech issue with just a few consonants.

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 4:12 PM on Feb. 24, 2011

  • @TARARENEE- I have tried laying down with him and that just doesn't work either. He still refuses to go to sleep, he thinks its bed time. and yes we have gotten extremely firm with him and still nothing. I am going to be setting up an appointment with his peds in a couple of days.

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 4:14 PM on Feb. 24, 2011

  • as for sleeping, what about an herbal remedy? or melatonin? He is old enough for that - the lack of sleep could very much be the reason for the defiant behavior.. have you considered him sleep deprived? I am actually considering getting a referral to a sleep clinic for the lack of sleep my son gets..ugh..

    Answer by maxsmom11807 at 4:15 PM on Feb. 24, 2011

  • Wow! Have you ever just let him cry it out in his room! Also get him up at 8am! Also for must kids time out in there room is not a "time out" we use a dinning-room chair! If they get up I do not talk to them just put them or point to the chair until they spend there whole 4 min.! When it is time to get up, they have to tell me with words what they did wrong and tell be that they are sorry! If they do not do this it is back to the chair until they can tell me!
    Also do not give into the screaming! be strong you can do this!

    Answer by tripletmom28 at 4:16 PM on Feb. 24, 2011

  • @KairisMama- I appreciate your optimism. But everything you listed we have done and guess what It doesn't work on my son.

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 4:17 PM on Feb. 24, 2011

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