Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Im having second thoughts.

I am still in highschool, and I got pregnant in 10th grade,my daughter is still very having second the whole pregnancy i had found a family friend that was going to adopt my child...but the day before i went into labor i changed my mind.....but.....i dont even feel a bond with my daughter....i cant go into too much detail on this because I dont want my family finding this .....please message me if you can give me some advice....please no slandering.

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 8:35 PM on Nov. 19, 2008 in Adoption

Answers (23)
  • I think you should wait awhile to make your choice. It is something that you will have to live with for a lifetime so you should do plenty of thinking when your hormones feel back to normal.

    Answer by jamesmommy12 at 8:38 PM on Nov. 19, 2008

  • It is your child and your decision...just make sure you think this through, its a very tough decision. Whatever you decide I hope it works out, just message me if you want to talk in more detail. Best of luck :)

    Answer by ELC at 8:40 PM on Nov. 19, 2008

  • Well your in 10th grade with a baby. 1. you either have to grow up fast and take care of your baby or 2. you need to give that baby to a family that will raise it well. Not saying that you couldn't raise it well. but you are the only one who can decide what you want out of life. If having a child is not your thing now and you still want to be young and free then give her to your families friend. But if you feel you can take on the responsibility of a child then go a head and raise her, love her, finish school. I know it will be hard. Just don't do anything to have any more kids until you are ready.

    Answer by jessicamelia83 at 8:45 PM on Nov. 19, 2008

  • If you daughter is still young, bonding sometimes is not automatic. Also you probably have a lot of emotions going on with deciding to place then not, I would assume some guilt by telling these people they could adopt and then deciding to parent (which I do not think is wrong you deciding to parent), and the pressures of being a teenage mother.
    If parenthood is not what you thought it was going to be and you don't feel ready, try to find some other teengage mothers to talk to this about. If you decide you want to place, you can know that you tried to parent but was not ready.
    You can message me if you want to talk.
    I would take some time and try to talk to a counselor, religious leader, or doctor about your concerns.

    Answer by luckyshamrock at 8:46 PM on Nov. 19, 2008

  • You may think you dont feel a bond to her but if she got really sick or was in danger, believe me you sure would feel it then. You love her right? You couldnt give her up. That is a bond right there. Just because you might feel overwhelmed at times or annoyed at having to take care of her (every mom does sometimes) does not mean you dont love her or arent bonded with her. Are taking care of her or is your mom all the time in your face taking over? That might make you not feel good about the bond you have. Or alternatly are you feeling like you are getting no help? That too can make it feel overwhelming at times. I know you must feel something or you would not have changed your mind.

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:49 PM on Nov. 19, 2008

  • If you don't feel like your bonding with your baby it could be hormones. Talk to your doctor about it. It's nothing to be ashamed of, in fact it's commendable that you are already looking for help. You could be suffering from Post Partum Depression. You could also just be exhausted and need some help. Talk to your parents and family. They can a great source of help in your situation. It's not good for you or your baby to remain like this. Good luck sweety.

    Answer by pinkink at 8:52 PM on Nov. 19, 2008

  • I can't message you because you are anonomous.
    You can message me if you want to talk.

    Answer by christyg at 10:55 PM on Nov. 19, 2008

  • What you are feeling is totally normal. The inability to feel abond can come from hormones, stress or both. The truth is that many women feel this way but they just do not talk about it. Giving up your baby is a huge decision that you will have to live with. If it is the right thing for you, you need to have made that choice with a clear head and right now with might not be too clear. This is the rest of your life as well as your babies. Take the time you need to make the right choice and I urge you to get counseling from a party that has nothing to do with the adoption and can help you sort through your feelings without having a hidden agenda. I hope you make the best decision for yourself and your baby, whatever that might be. Hope this helps.

    Answer by SammysSoldier at 10:56 PM on Nov. 19, 2008

  • I would advise you to speak with a counselor about this. You should be able to talk with the guidance counselor at your school, and they will probably refer you to someone outside the school. I would wait to make any decisions until you have spoken with someone, and you can be sure that you are making decisions with a clear head. You may have postpartum depression or any number of other things that are causing these problems.

    Answer by adoptionsc at 9:11 AM on Nov. 20, 2008

  • I would advise you to really think about your decision of course...but in the event you decide you would like to make an adoption plan for your baby, would the couple who was going to adopt your baby still be available? We are hoping to adopt, we sort of had an incident where the girl decided she did want to keep her baby which of course, was fine with us, we have to be understanding, but in the event she were to call us back and say she has changed her mind and would like to make a plan, we would still welcome her happily. Just take time to think about it. And as far as bonding, I am sure it can happen, but my best friend has 3 children and she still 12 yrs later doesn't feel bonded to her first child.

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:13 PM on Nov. 20, 2008

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.