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How should I deal with my daughter's father, and my husband?

My 6 year old daughter is going to be in the Christmas parade this year with her dance group. My ex-husband and his wife want to come to the parade in our town which is about an hour away, to be supportive of my daughter.

I think it's nice that he wants to show interest in what she does, being that he doesn't very often. But my husband is uncomfortable with them going, he doesn't like them (as do I really either) and he tells me sometimes that he thinks I put their feelings and what they want before his.

I'm not sure what I should do. I think if he wants to come he should, but I don't want to deal with my husband making me feel like a jerk because of that. I feel like what is most important is my daughter, and ALL of us being supportive of her. And if they want to come, it's in HER best interest.

What would you do in this situation?

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Asked by MamaChanny at 9:05 PM on Nov. 19, 2008 in Relationships

Level 1 (0 Credits)
Answers (8)
  • I would tell your husband that her father has every right to go to her parade, and that the four of you do not have to be seated with each other.

    There are going to be times where you all will have to be together (Graduations and her Wedding come to mind) and that is just a part of being divorced parents, whether you like it or not.

    Answer by CarolynBarnett at 9:07 PM on Nov. 19, 2008

  • I completely understand where your husband is coming from. I'm a stepmom and I'm the one that raises my SS, his bio-mom has NOTHING to do with him when he is not in her house. But your husband does need to see that he is actually trying to be there for his daughter. He's jealous, plain and simple, he is jealous. He wants your daughter to love him more than her real dad. She will love him, but she'll never love him like she loves her real daddy, unless he's completely out of the picture or just shows up once in a while. Your hubby is just going to have to get over his jealousy and think of what is best for your daughter. I'm sure she would be ecstatic to have all those people there that love her!

    Answer by feesharose at 9:12 PM on Nov. 19, 2008

  • Sorry, but since your ex is her father your hubby needs to get over it. Like CarolynBarnett said, there are going to be other times all 4 of you will need to be together and you will all need to play nice.

    My parents divorced when I was 7, then married my step-parents when I was 11 so trust me when I say just tell your hubby to be nice because it will be very important to her.


    Answer by jms124 at 9:12 PM on Nov. 19, 2008

  • I would tell you DH to deal with it. I have had the same problems with my current SO and my ex and I plainly told my SO to get over it and deal with it. And yes I get the guilt trip as well. This is NOT about how it makes your man feel it is about your DD and her feelings. She has every right to have her dad there.

    Answer by imtheonlysane1 at 9:12 PM on Nov. 19, 2008

  • tell him that you put your DAUGHTERS wants and needs before his..and that is the right thing to do! If that means you side with the ex then he just needs to grow up and deal with it!

    Answer by cisnemom at 10:12 PM on Nov. 19, 2008

  • I had the same problem, simple solution really. Tell your honey you had a life before him and it really makes him look insecure not to be able to see this is a partnership raising YOUR child period. You will be on his arm, he is the winner your EX was the loser or he wouldn't be the EX! Never ever let a man make you feel bad for doing what a mom is suppose to do put child first! Hubby needs to ignore them and you guys can have a great time no where close to your EX. This playing nice is all fine but really toleration is all you need to be in same area your ex and his wife. As for him giving you crap use your brain, put a stop to it before it starts just smile your sweetest smile and say dear I truly wish you would drop it I love you, I married you! and leave the room you can not argue with someone who uses logic :)

    Answer by 1countrygal at 10:21 PM on Nov. 19, 2008

  • Tell your husband that her father has a right to be there for his daughter. Also, no one said you all have to hang out together during the parade!

    Answer by Rebecca7708 at 11:03 PM on Nov. 19, 2008

  • Tell your husband it's not about him. It's about your daughter and he should get over himself. You are stuck with them, like it or not, for the rest of your daughter's life.

    Answer by Chrissy629 at 12:48 PM on Nov. 21, 2008

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