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need some advice plz

im 22 years old and am a mom of 2 lil boys, one is 3 and the other is 1. I've raised them by my self since day one. ive had a lil help here and there but anyways right now im at tha point in my life where im basically tearin myself in half...

i really want to settle down an start my family but its really hard wit 2 kids wotkin, an everything else on my plate. but i feel like its bout that time n i think i found someone i could really actually spend my life with..... ok anyways let me ask my question

i was wondering if it is wrong for me to want to kinda trade places with my babies dads? in other words like make it to where they have them 24/7 an i will have them on the weekends or every other week or something? half of me thinks i am bein a bad mom an the other half knows i still need to take care of me you know? anyways if anyone has any advice good or bad i would really really appreciate it

guera

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Gu3ra_817

Asked by Gu3ra_817 at 9:40 PM on Nov. 19, 2008 in Relationships

Level 1 (0 Credits)
Answers (12)
  • Personally I couldn't do it. I completely see where you're coming from in all this. However I am a strong beleiver in the mohter being that backbone in their kids life. What are they sucseptible to without a backbone? That's just how I feel. I'm not trying to make you feel bad.
    MiMiBreezy

    Answer by MiMiBreezy at 9:43 PM on Nov. 19, 2008

  • Plus what are you going to do or say when they get old enough to understand what you did? Do you think they will understand or is it really just all about you right now?
    MiMiBreezy

    Answer by MiMiBreezy at 9:44 PM on Nov. 19, 2008

  • What else is there that you have going on.. if you don't mind me asking. This is kind of hard. Is there any way you can have your kids father keept them half the week and you half the week... instead of just trading places as you say. What's keeping you from doing things the way you are know and still starting a relationship? If this is someone you say you'd want to spend your life with, that does includes him being in your children's life also... so you have to try and find some kind of balance. You really have to keep your children's best interst at heart here. I can see where you're coming from with wanting to get yourself together and just think about you. I would probably want to do the same thing if I ever ended up single again. But then again I don't know. I hope you figure out how to work things out in the best way. Good Luck.
    JDanesMommy

    Answer by JDanesMommy at 9:56 PM on Nov. 19, 2008

  • I know a few moms who have chosen to have their kids live with their father as their custodial parent. They all had different reasons. Even if it was the best decision for the kids, all of them got allot of raised eyebrows and grief from other people.

    I think you should talk to a therapist and and get some help to see if this is in the best interest of your kids. Could you ask their dad them more often or maybe his family to give you a break? What about mor of a joint custody situation?

    I'd just try other things before you make such a decision. Once you give over custody, it would be really hard to turn back. Also remember that you'd be responsible for paying child support, etc..

    I give you allot of credit for all you've done already at your age. I also give you allot of credit for having the couage to even ask this question.
    pugpin

    Answer by pugpin at 9:58 PM on Nov. 19, 2008

  • When I was 16 my mom died. A letter was found after she passed away...she wrote it to an ex-bf (my parents had been divorced for a couple years) saying that if he'd take her back she'd send all of us kids to live with our dad. Even though it didn't happen that way, I was crushed just to know that someone else came first in my mom's life, over her own children. I'm not saying your children would feel that way, as they are still really young. But think about how they would feel knowing one day that you passed them off on their dads because you wanted to be on your own again.
    lebrbria

    Answer by lebrbria at 10:05 PM on Nov. 19, 2008

  • take yourself a mini vacation you have too much going on, have the grandparents or dad take care of the kids and you can focus on YOU! you are overwhelmed with just STUFF now. don't bail on your babies they deserve all the love a mom has to give but you are free to have a life too. Talk to their dad and maybe do split custody and him have them more and give you some time to you. Men come and go, kids always need mom no matter if 1 or 71. A break will make you refreshed and give you a new frame of mind, Everyone has feelings of just wanting to run away sometimes. Make time for you every week even if it is only couple hours, you are still young yourself and need to know you are not just mom you are a woman with needs too. Just don't do anything that would have a negative impact on your kids and you would regret later in your life. Good luck!
    1countrygal

    Answer by 1countrygal at 10:08 PM on Nov. 19, 2008

  • I understand you feeling this way. The dads have so much freedom. But trust me, your babies need you more than you will ever know. Hang in there. You can still work in a social life. It just takes a lot of adjustments. And you you soon meet the man who will love you and your babies. Don't bail on them just to have fun. Your life will be no more fulfilled and it could be a mistake you can NEVER correct.
    hopelessnance

    Answer by hopelessnance at 10:10 PM on Nov. 19, 2008

  • I think that with your children so young, that it would be very difficult on them. YOu are mom, and unfortunetly dad cannot replace you. What about 50-50? That would give you some more time for yourself, but I think that would be less drastic of a change for you little ones. The first years are so important for emotional development. Abandonment issues can set in very easily, on the other hand I also think that only 2 days a week seems like not enough time for them to be with their dad. I think that it would be wise foryou to consult a councelor. I think that they would be better suited to help you process these emotions and help bring clarity to your thought process.
    daughteroftruth

    Answer by daughteroftruth at 10:42 PM on Nov. 19, 2008

  • I think you would regret that decision. You are all your little boys have, it sounds like the fathers and I could be wrong are bad fathers. What father would let you raise them by yourself? There's you answer, if these men/man aren't responsible to help out, what makes you think they can handle them 24/7. And how do you know this new man is worth it? What if this relationship doesn't work out? You would have given up your children for what? No man is worth it. Nothing should come before you children, I know its gets hard but you'll get through it. Perhaps you could have the father's take the kids a couple nights a week to help you out, but don't turn you back on your babies.

    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:56 PM on Nov. 19, 2008

  • ok i guess i didnt really specify what i meant bout tradin places with them, i did mean kinda a 50-50 thing, there is no way i could ever just hand them over to their dads and jus abandon them. i love my babies like only a mom could understand, but at the same time its hard to live the other side of my life. my oldest son sees his dad every weekend, he dont do nothin but spend time with him, he doesnt buy him clothes or nada, an my youngest dad is out of town 2-3 wks at a time an gets him for like a day when he is in town, i really do believe that it would be in all of our best interests to have basically a split custody.
    Gu3ra_817

    Answer by Gu3ra_817 at 12:58 AM on Nov. 20, 2008

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