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Is your parenting style different from how you were raised?

Lately I've been struggling with feeling like my parents are really judging how my husband and I are raising our kids. We're involved parents, our kids are happy and healthy, our oldest is thriving in preschool, but I don't do things as my mom or dad would. My parents were always pretty strict, whereas I tend to be more flexible. My kids listen to me, but if one of them (mainly my 4-year-old) does something my parents don't approve of , they'll step in and discipline her (mainly a huge lecture) as if what I did wasn't good enough. I want my parents to be involved with my kids,partly because I only had one grandparent and missed out on this experience, but I'm feeling like I want to move across the country so I can raise my kids my way without feeling like I'm failing or doing it "wrong." Anyone else in this situation? Any thoughts? Thanks for your help.

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gratefulmom913

Asked by gratefulmom913 at 9:36 PM on Feb. 24, 2011 in General Parenting

Level 6 (145 Credits)
Answers (12)
  • I raise my children differently by necessity. first off I was an only child from age 5 on so my parents never really dealt with a lot of sibling issues. Second, My son has Asperger's so a lot of things my parents did with me won't work or are not a good idea with him. There are many things I do still do with my children that they did though, discipline is just not one of them. I have the same expectations for my children my parents had for me we just choose to achieve them different ways.
    But_Mommie

    Answer by But_Mommie at 9:40 PM on Feb. 24, 2011

  • You need to be firm with your parents as you would your kids. Sounds funny but its true. Let them know that you app their concern but its up to you and your decision. If your kids are alone with them then they can discipline their way. When you are involved and the step in then stop, look them in the eyes, and simply sayThanks but IVE GOT IT. They wll eventually learn to respect you and hopefully realize that they are undermining your authority. They prob dont realize it but need to see it
    Steph319

    Answer by Steph319 at 9:41 PM on Feb. 24, 2011

  • I think that is just how parents are....To answer your question, I really don't parent much less than my mom did. I use the think she was the meaneast and most strict mom in the world. Yet now when I look back I see her wisdom. I know I am strict but they know I love them as well.
    sondaughter312

    Answer by sondaughter312 at 9:41 PM on Feb. 24, 2011

  • I figure if I do the opposite of everything my mother did, I will be a wonderful mother!
    JulieJacobKyle

    Answer by JulieJacobKyle at 9:45 PM on Feb. 24, 2011

  • I am such a better parent than my parents were to me. First of all I respect my children and they respect me, I didn't raise my children in fear as my parents did me. Also, I actually took the time to listen to them. I may not have always agreed but a good healthy debate was always fair. I would never wish my parents on anyone!
    Kathy675

    Answer by Kathy675 at 9:51 PM on Feb. 24, 2011

  • ~*Yes*~... I was a 1990s generations, but when I was little it was the 1980s... and I can remember carseat they now call death traps, and my mom's arm stretching out in the really old car she owned when she slammed on the breaks, and being able to run bare foot, and the list goes on... my generation actually played outside without adults! and we were in when the street lights came on??? Hahaha

    My kids are in 5 point carseats, in a vehicle that has side, front, and rear air bags (and many more features), we don't spank (hubby and I were both spanked as children), and the list goes on... our parents' genertaion would see us as uptight... too bad they've not seen worse like I have on CM... hahaha
    MommaClark3

    Answer by MommaClark3 at 10:09 PM on Feb. 24, 2011

  • err... brakes
    MommaClark3

    Answer by MommaClark3 at 10:10 PM on Feb. 24, 2011

  • No one can be exactly like their parents. We are all individuals and have the right to raise our own kids as we please. It will be hard to tell your parents that you want to be the one to handle the discipline and they can handle the fun stuff like grandparents should. My husband's parents have spanked my husband's sisters and brother's kids before but they will not be doing that to ours. they are there for fun, I am here for discipline. I don't know yet if my parents are going to be trying to step in to raise my kids instead of just spoil them, but I dont think my husband would allow it. and seeing as how my dad spanked my brother way too hard til it was abusing him, so he will not be spanking my son ever
    Butterflysky_24

    Answer by Butterflysky_24 at 10:27 PM on Feb. 24, 2011

  • I parent my kids differently from how I was raised. My parents really have been good with it. My mom had some serious anger management problems when I was a kid- she has since gotten help for this and I think she would be very worried if I DID parent my kids the way she parented me.

    Now my ILs seem to take it as a personal affront when we do things differently... even dh says that the ILs were very hands off and distant parents and he doesnt' want to be that way, but I wish they would stop rolling their eyes at decisions that we make (stuff like breastfeeding instead of formula, or having the kids learn a second language.) And I wish they would not consider things that we do differently as us criticizing their parenting, because we aren't making decisions as an affront to them, we're just doing what works for us as parents!
    Freela

    Answer by Freela at 10:34 PM on Feb. 24, 2011

  • VERY DIFFERENTLY. I am much more patient, willing to talk with my child and explain why what he does is inappropriate. I allow him to be a kid, carefully fight my battles with him. I don't spank, hit, pull hair, ground for every little thing. I let my child make and learn from his mistakes. I am involved in his life, in his education. I do what I need to so that he has what he needs, knows that I love him. I TELL him that I love him everyday, multiple times a day. I spend time with my son, I make time for my son.
    tyfry7496

    Answer by tyfry7496 at 10:38 PM on Feb. 24, 2011

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