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3 Bumps

Should I allow my 11 yr old daughter to say "I Love You" to her boyfriend?

I always check her text messages and she knows that I do. She gets good grades and helps a lot at home. I really don't like the idea that she has a boyfriend, but i don't want to "forbid" it because i'm afraid she will shut me out. We have talked about what boyfriend means to her and she doesn't really have an answer. They only see each other at school and at school functions, but they do text and talk on the phone a lot. Am I just being a paranoid parent? Please give me some advice :( !

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 9:48 PM on Feb. 24, 2011 in Tweens (9-12)

Answers (28)
  • you can't stop her from telling him things like this you know.

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:49 PM on Feb. 24, 2011

  • I wouldn't stop her per-say but I would be sure to have an open talk abotu what the word love means. I would also talk about diferent kinds of love and of the ever so sneaky love wanna be, lust/desire.

    Answer by But_Mommie at 9:49 PM on Feb. 24, 2011

  • I'm surprised you allow your 11 year old to have a boyfriend?....

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:51 PM on Feb. 24, 2011

  • Im not trying to sound mean but she should not have a bf and should not have a cell phone. She is way to young for both. JMO. You also cant keep her from saying something but you can make sure that phone and internet time are limited and supervised. And obv dont let them hang out together. GL!!

    Answer by Steph319 at 9:51 PM on Feb. 24, 2011

  • Saying "I Love You" is okay . . . . she also probably loves her friends. Just be sure that you have a talk about respecting herself and what love is and isn't.

    I know it's hard when our babies start to date . . . .

    Answer by ImaginationMama at 9:52 PM on Feb. 24, 2011

  • I agree with Anno you cannot stop her. But a boyfriend at 11 why not just a good male friend. That's just my opinion about the word boyfriend at that age.

    Answer by mamaofficer at 9:52 PM on Feb. 24, 2011

  • Well tbh you're obviously not encouraging her to grow up SLOWLY so yeah sure, why not "let" her say it? Once you start giving her these rights/privileges/abilities/whatever you'd like to call it, more and more things are going to start happening... Why? Because you wont know they're happening, so you wont be able to stop it =P. She could text ALL she wants but once they are deleted, how are you going to know what she says? Or if she's sending inappropriate pictures, etc...

    Yeap, you opened up a whole mess load of worms. I am sorry, but I suggest keeping the lid closed tightly on the can until she's ready and 11 is NOT ready for these kinds of responsibilities.

    Answer by Razelda at 9:54 PM on Feb. 24, 2011

  • I would sit down and talk to her about love and boys make sure she understands. You dont want her to get her heart broken.

    Answer by L0vingMy3Girls at 9:55 PM on Feb. 24, 2011

  • I don't know that I'd be ok with/allow my 11 year old to date in the first place. Having male friends is fine with me, I had more male then female friends my entire life. But 11 is still elementary school in most areas. And I don't feel dating should occur in elementary. I'd be concerned if my 11 year old was saying she loved a boy. If she's loving him at 11, what does that leave for her to discover at 13, 15, 17? My rule of thumb for both of my children is no dating until 13, group dates till 15/16, then they have their license and we'll evaluate alone dates then. If I were you I'd be having a long talk with her about what the word love means. If she doesn't even know what "boyfriend" means to her, but she's willing to throw around love, you're in for trouble later.

    Answer by ba13ygrl1987 at 9:58 PM on Feb. 24, 2011

  • IMO an 11 yr old shouldn't have a boyfriend anyway... I asked our 14 yr old son what he would have thought of an 11 yr old girl telling him she loves him when he was 11, and he said at 11 no one knows what it really means so he wouldn't take it to serious, he would just think it's weird.
    You could explain to her it's great to have a close guy friend, but it doesn't go past friendship. That will come in time. and you will be the one to decide when she's ready to take that next step. JMO

    Answer by MrsLeftlane at 10:11 PM on Feb. 24, 2011

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