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Need some oponions PLEASE READ!!

So our Daughter is just over 3 1/2 years old. She is a very sweet little girl but she is a VERY strong willed child :) My Husband and I have a tough time bringing her out in public places cause she constantly throws fits or is crying if something doesn't go her way. It has gotten pretty bad lately. Anyway....We went to the Mall of America today and she was terrible. My questions is....My Husband and I are going to go back to the Mall tomorrow and my Grandmother is watching our Daughter. Is it mean/bad for us to tell her that we are going to the Mall without her because she was naughty yesterday when we went? We constantly tell her that we are not going to bring her anymore if she continues to act the way she does. I feel that we need to follow through with what we are constantly telling her. BUT I don't want to hurt her feelings by telling her that we are going without her (cause she LOVES it there...she only acts up if things are not going her way) What do you all think? Is it mean of us to tell her or are we doing the right thing? Any answers would be great! Thanks a TON! :)

Answer Question
 
nat1387

Asked by nat1387 at 10:29 PM on Feb. 24, 2011 in Preschoolers (3-4)

Level 11 (597 Credits)
Answers (13)
  • If you live near the mall of america, no, it's not mean it's parenting. If this is a special family vacation, then I tend to be more lenient because I know they're probably not coming back and I want them to enjoy as much as possible. It sounds like you live close to this mall since you said its her favorite place, so then I take the stand she misbehaved, there's a consequence, and that consequence is she stays home while mom and dad go. But like I said, when it's a vacation trip, I fully believe in letting LO's participate as much as possible, and maybe forcing naps to help curve behavior.
    ba13ygrl1987

    Answer by ba13ygrl1987 at 10:32 PM on Feb. 24, 2011

  • It is not mean to go to the mall without her. It is mean to tell her it's because she was naughty. Instead, tell her that she cannot go because she is making poor choices and until she learns to make better choices she cannot go. Then help her make better choices. TEACH her what behaviors are appropriate and which are not. Because of HER choices she cannot go to her favorite place, that is a huge consequence of poor choices. You do need to follow through or her behavior will get worse.
    tyfry7496

    Answer by tyfry7496 at 10:33 PM on Feb. 24, 2011

  • that does sound kinda mean to me. she's just a toddler. but mine aren't to that age yet, so wait for some momma's to answer who've been where you are now.
    ilovemymonsterr

    Answer by ilovemymonsterr at 10:34 PM on Feb. 24, 2011

  • I would tell her when you got back, only b/c you dont want her acting up all day for your grandmother. But yes tell her make sure she knows she missed out on the fun & why. Try next time before going somewhere to talk to her in the car about what kind of good behavior you expect from her. Ask her if she is going to follow through & be a good girl if she says no then tell hre you wont go & follow through on it. I will ask my daughter a few times if she will be a good girl & sometimes she says no but eventually she always says yeah & this seems to help if she knows how I expect her to act beforehand. Cant hurt to try it.
    Mel30248

    Answer by Mel30248 at 10:35 PM on Feb. 24, 2011

  • momma it's not mean sometimes you have to show them you mean business and maybe next time she'll act better because she knows you mean what you say. my 4 yr old dd will push and pitch fits and we have to show her we mean business or she will continue to get worse.
    MomaWeeks

    Answer by MomaWeeks at 10:37 PM on Feb. 24, 2011

  • We have tried talking to her before going into the mall, that still does not work. Do all you ladies think that it would be better to tell her before we go to the mall or after we get home?
    nat1387

    Comment by nat1387 (original poster) at 10:40 PM on Feb. 24, 2011

  • As my mother would say, "I may seem like the bad guy sometimes. It is not my job to be your friend. I am your MOTHER, and it is my job to raise you and teach you." Believe me when I say I've heard that line countless times. But you have to admit it's the truth.

    So I'd be the bad guy and tell her, and hope she learns a lesson so you don't have to do it again. It sucks, but its more important to follow through for her benefit than it is to not do so to spare yourself from hurting her feelings (which is worse for her in the long run).
    SpaceToast

    Answer by SpaceToast at 10:43 PM on Feb. 24, 2011

  • she needs to see what she is missing because because she is a brat. WHen you act right tell her she can go.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:47 PM on Feb. 24, 2011

  • It's not being mean, it's called being a parent. If you are constantly telling her that you will not take her again, but then do take her it sends her a message that you do not mean what you say. Eventually that will come back to bite you hard. My mom always gave me empty threats and then wondered why I pretty much laughed in her face when she threatened punishment as a teen.

    It is hard to be seen as the "bad guy" but you are her parent, not her bff. However, if you are firm but not overly strict she might not like what you say/do all of the time, but she will respect you for it. That's when you know you've truly done your job.
    balagan_imma

    Answer by balagan_imma at 10:52 PM on Feb. 24, 2011

  • If you worry about hurting her feelings then she will continue to act out. It's hard.. trust me, I KNOW :)... but as spacetoast said you're her mom, not her friend... there's a BIG difference. Yes, she may grow up and be very close to you and be 'like' a friend AND a daughter to you, but this doesn't happen because you didn't hurt her feelings when she's young... it happens because you are a good 'mom'. Tell her before.. please do NOT worry about hurting her feelings. She needs discipline!!
    momofonelilguy

    Answer by momofonelilguy at 10:52 PM on Feb. 24, 2011

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