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How do you deal with a mother in law with Bi polar?

My husband and i are coming up on our 6th anniversay and i have come to the revalation that everytime she goes into her manic states i become the target. She targets my parenting and targets my daughter and husband to become emotionally against me. He doesnt see it and I am tired of dealing with this. i told him no more unsupervised visits for our daughter, and said when we visit we (I) will not be staying with her. This has been an ongoing issue for 3 years now! HELP!!!

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Asked by Ckissell06 at 11:16 PM on Feb. 24, 2011 in Relationships

Level 4 (32 Credits)
Answers (22)
  • Hmm. a simple answer.... Remove the word in-law and your mother-in-law becomes your mother. Right? All difficulties come to an end.

    Answer by AnuMeha at 11:22 PM on Feb. 24, 2011

  • Simple. You just don't. It's not your problem and it's hers to deal with. If it's affecting the well being of you and your child you stand your ground, no matter what. Just because someone is related to you and has issues does not give them the right to make you and yours unwell.

    Answer by Musicmom80 at 11:22 PM on Feb. 24, 2011

  • Ive got a crack pot mother in law too. You're husband likely isn't as sensitive to her as you are because he's grown up with her always acting like that. Is she truly bipolar? If she is, does she take medicine? If she takes medicine it ain't a workin'!!! lol She'll never listen to you if you recommend she see a/the Dr. It seems your best bet is to get dh on board with you. I had to finally look my husband in the face and tell him it was me or her. I really hated to get to that point but I couldn't stand her sh*t ANYMORE plus him unwilling to confront her and stand up to her !! It woke him up and I don't have to deal with her anymore. I don't like to say I went there with him but I wasn't living my life with her pulling the strings when she got in a tizzy. good luck

    Answer by RentaMom at 11:24 PM on Feb. 24, 2011

  • Maybe just stay away from her during her manic states if you can. (I know they usually aren't predictable so it may be near impossible). You could also see about trying to get her into therapy but that may just make it worse.

    Answer by 2murphyboys at 11:25 PM on Feb. 24, 2011

  • Do what I did...Haven't talk to her since november 2010.

    Answer by sweetyazfl at 11:31 PM on Feb. 24, 2011

  • There shouldn't be so much hostility towards someone with a mental illness. It happens. Not every medicine combination works and sometimes the side effects are literally too much for the person to deal with. I do think she should be in counseling if she isn't, but do realize the meds aren't for everyone. They aren't a magical cure. It can take forever to find the right combination for one specific person and after time they can stop working. Lots of problems with the meds.

    I am very sorry that she is so hard to live with, but take care of yourself first. In the mean time do realize what she struggles with every day as well, and don't act as if she hates you.

    Answer by Razelda at 11:33 PM on Feb. 24, 2011

  • She is medicated, diagniosed for a two years now. Its always a cycle, my husband deploys and she insert her munipulation between him and I. Tells him one thing tells me anothe acts one way when he is around and another when she isnt. I have bit my tongue and i finally told my husband that i cant take it anymore. It may seem easy to think if you just take away the in law part it would be easier but i was raised that you are the only one responcible for putting your big girl pants on, adn dealing with life. She manipulates my husband to feel sorry for because he feels responcible for being her rock. She puts ideas in his head and he runs with them. I am married to him and her. I feel like she is always plotting... always. I have never had this problem with anyone in my life and she is the only person that my husband can not back me up with. Her ideas, are damaging and meddling. i am exhausted

    Comment by Ckissell06 (original poster) at 11:35 PM on Feb. 24, 2011

  • Personally, I think for your own well-being, and for the future well-being of your child's relationship with their grandmother, I strongly suggest that you seek the advice of a licensed counselor about this. Not only will you be able to work out your feelings about it, but you'll get some great insight and tools to help you be the daughter-in-law of a bipolar mother-in-law. We can advise you all day and night, but honestly, in my experience matching emotion with emotion with a bipolar person does not work. You need an educated approach and understanding of the disease itself to be able to affectively deal with her. We can pretend all day that this is her problem alone - but that isn't the real truth when it's your mother (in-law) -- when a person in your inner circle is mentally ill, that illness affects everyone else in the circle. Good luck to you and your family.

    Answer by ShelbyShareAlot at 11:35 PM on Feb. 24, 2011

  • She is in therapy also, i am not expecting miracles. Just for my husband to man up and set boundries with her.

    Comment by Ckissell06 (original poster) at 11:36 PM on Feb. 24, 2011

  • It is his mother. He probably just understands her and her condition better than you do.

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:37 PM on Feb. 24, 2011

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