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3 Bumps

My s/o cheated on me sometime ago, i have not forgiven him because i am too hurt and will never be able to trust him again;

i have told him it is over between us but he still has hopes .. anyway we still live together because he makes the money and helps me out financially. i plan on leaving him but i can't at this moment because of the economy. we are civil to each other but sometimes argue because i am still hurt by his cheating. when the time comes for me to leave i plan on packing up my belongings while he is at work and leave him a note (polite note).

i don't hate him because he has helped me and i don't want to be ungrateful BUT i know if i tell him that i am leaving he will do something stupid like cry, take my car keys so i can't make it to work and subsequently lose my job etc.
my question is; is it rude of me to leave while he is at work just to make sure he doesn't ruin my plan to move out ? OR do i tell him to his face that i am moving out?

ps. i am open to be his friend after i move out because he has great qualities besides his cheating.


Asked by Anonymous at 6:45 AM on Feb. 25, 2011 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (12)
  • He is going to do the same things even if it is after you leave.
    I wonder is if your question isn't something different..
    I hear a doubt that what you are doing is possibly not the best result.
    Have you sought counseling?
    Do you feel it will happen again?
    Do you love him?
    Do you have it in you to ever forgive him?
    There are so many things to weigh.

    Answer by tootoobusy at 7:07 AM on Feb. 25, 2011

  • I recently found out my guy was cheating too. More like having an affair because it was going on for 2 years. Needless to say he's gone. I can not forgive two years is way to long to forgive. He never helped with nothing I paid it all. Even if he did he'd still be gone, I have more faith in myself then to think I can not do it on my own. So either you forgive and move on or bite the bullet and let him go. Obviously maybe you are having doubts in your abilities and heres where I come . I know it hurts when cheated on and you think what did i do for him to do this .So whatever you do, do not lose faith in you. This is where your staying comes from . I wish you luck and I'm sorry but like I said DO NOT lose faith in you .

    Answer by Ozaki48 at 7:54 AM on Feb. 25, 2011

  • That's how I moved out. I never regretted doing it that way

    Answer by admckenzie at 8:05 AM on Feb. 25, 2011

  • i am very hurt too with my latest situation. dont rewind keep it in play.

    Answer by GlitteribonMom at 8:28 AM on Feb. 25, 2011

  • i have a few questions of my own. you say your only staying until you have enough money to move out. could you not stay with friends? i understand that life happens and sometimes we have to stay put. since you two are no longer together have you two been intimate since you've broken up? little gestures of intimacy can give false hope. if i were you i would try to get out so the two of you could move on with your lives.

    Answer by tanper29 at 9:11 AM on Feb. 25, 2011

  • I'm sorry, but I would have hopes to if my SO was still sticking around. When it's over, it's over. There is no "well I'm only here until I can come up with enough money to leave" I've said those same words before. Seriously if you were going to leave you would be gone, or he would. It seems to me that you should ask yourself if you can work through this. It is very hard to forgive someone for cheating and even harder to learn to trust that person again. Sometimes you never do. Ask yourself why you are still there, and be honest with yourself.

    Answer by kitchenwitch78 at 7:18 AM on Feb. 25, 2011

  • Some people just cant get pass cheating and its understandable but you need to go if your going to go staying around is only making it harder on the both of you.

    Answer by bhoward87 at 7:43 AM on Feb. 25, 2011

  • Ozaki48 is right! The person who cheats has the "defect", not the one being cheated on! You have a lot of thinking to do while you save up to get out on your own. Do you have anyone to stay w/ until you get on your feet? It might make it easier to distance yourself from his presence for a while. GL

    Answer by mrsmom110 at 8:06 AM on Feb. 25, 2011

  • I don't know your DH so I can't say, but I would tell him if I were you. Honesty is always best.

    Answer by HKing01 at 10:13 AM on Feb. 25, 2011

  • I don't see anything wrong with moving out quietloy and leaving a note.
    I don't know how you are still there!

    Answer by JackieGirl007 at 11:20 AM on Feb. 25, 2011