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please help my friend!

i know some one who had a baby a few weeks ago she gave the baby up for a open adoption. now she wishes she could get the baby back. i am afraid she is gonna harm her self. she has been cutting her inner leg. she goes days with out eating. she has a 5 year old in kindergarten and i am afraid for her and my friend. she sees a shrink but she does not help, talking does not help. i don't know what to do for her. i am scared for her please help me

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mami4girls

Asked by mami4girls at 10:29 PM on Nov. 19, 2008 in Adoption

Level 1 (0 Credits)
Answers (13)
  • Have you called a professional yourself? If you showed concern to her shrink, that could help. Does her shrink notice any of this? Have you tried talking to your friend about this? Also, there are time limits on when you can change your mind on an adoption. I'd look into that for your area. If worst comes to worst and you're worried about your friend and her child, call the hospital.
    lebrbria

    Answer by lebrbria at 10:33 PM on Nov. 19, 2008

  • idk, the first thing to my mind was pray. If you really think she needs help maybe there is a number you could call. I know that I didn't get help until I was forced. But make this decision wisely; there is a child involved. Maybe really really try to talk to her.
    momofpurebliss

    Answer by momofpurebliss at 10:33 PM on Nov. 19, 2008

  • I'm not really sure what you can do. Is her son being cared for, or is she neglecting him? Sounds like she's pretty unstable. Your first priority should be making sure the child is ok.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:35 PM on Nov. 19, 2008

  • You need to get your friend to go evaluated, she probably suffering from baby blues and maybe sounds like got alot going on in her head. If she has a five yr old try to stay around as much as you can for support and monitor whats going on. Cutting is a way of relieving emotional pain so she needs medication asap! You are a great friend for caring! I know she must be going thru pure hell for giving up her baby but is she able to deal with two children? Shrinks only help you sort yourself out and you have to be in the right frame of mind to be able to deal with things kinda like a death when you give a part of yourself up she is Grieving over the "Loss" of her baby. I hope things work out for her :( Talking doesn't help if your mind is running in circles it is good just to be there when she needs to talk or just as company to look across the room at.
    1countrygal

    Answer by 1countrygal at 10:43 PM on Nov. 19, 2008

  • If you think your friend is a danger to herself or others you might want to contact her family and share your fear. It is better that she hates you then she hurts herself. Cutting in females is usually not fatal but that does not mean she won't really harm herself. Postpartum is a huge spectrum and she might actually be experiencing psychosis. She really should be evaluated. If you know her therapist you can call and talk to them, but they will not be able to confirm if she is a client. I would leave a message saying "I know you can not confirm she is your client, but I am friends with _____ and I know she is doing________." As therapists we can not know everything and I know I personally would be grateful for the heads up since cutters often do not share that they are actively cutting. Hope this helps.
    SammysSoldier

    Answer by SammysSoldier at 11:00 PM on Nov. 19, 2008

  • try calling the agency she went thru and let them know, or if you can find out who her social worker is call them...they have services to help her after the adoption, but they have to know she needs them
    shivasgirl

    Answer by shivasgirl at 7:54 AM on Nov. 20, 2008

  • Wow, what a sad story. Unfortunately, it's too typical of what a mother feels after letting her child go to adoption. I still wish I was dead and it's been almost 2 years since I was pressured into my decision. What really helped me was finding cafemom and all of the birthmom groups that are here. These women have truly saved my life and I feel so much less alone in this pain. An in-person support group should help her, also. I think that my friends who have gone through the same thing help more than therapy ever could and I would advise against calling the agency social worker/counselor. They are all about profits and will tell her that what she did was "the right thing" and that she should "move on." Not helpful at all. Tell her to PM me if she needs the names of these groups here.
    orangeorbie

    Answer by orangeorbie at 10:11 AM on Nov. 20, 2008

  • Call your local children/family services office and get someone out to see here asap. Let them know you're worried about the daughter's welfare. You'd be devastated if something happened that could have been prevented with a phone call.
    ummmhello

    Answer by ummmhello at 5:07 PM on Nov. 20, 2008

  • i would sit her down and tell her straight up. Get your shit together. Stop this nonsense and pull yourself together.Do something positive to get out of this depression. If you cannot do it alone go to church.You have to help yourself before anyone can help you.Also let her know you are there to help her and that is why you are being so frank. Just my thoughts.
    Alize26

    Answer by Alize26 at 10:53 PM on Nov. 20, 2008

  • Are her issues stemming from wanting her child back? If there is still a legal time frame for her to get back her child, she should pursue this. She clearly was not fully aware of the impact this would have. She should look into whatever legal avenues are available to her to try to get her baby back.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:32 PM on Nov. 20, 2008

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