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Have I shared too much?

Because I was a teen mom, my biggest fear was having my daughter also become a teen mom. Although I don't blame my mother, I do believe me being so uneducated about sex was the biggest reason I got pregnant. I was 15. The guy was 20. He told me we didn't have to use protection because I wasn't developed enough to get pregnant and he took a pill to keep him from getting girls pregnant. I ended up pregnant after only 2 times.

My daughter is 11 and she has already started her period so the worrying has begun. When she was around 8-9, I had "the talk." I kept if very general saying I know she had heard this word sex a lot through tv or when adults are talking and I told her that basically it's a way to make babies. I said it's reserved for adults but many boys like to do it because it feels good. I made sure to tell her, even then, that boys will do and say anything to get a girl to have sex with them. I told her she has to be strong and not believe their lies. I told her all the things they will say "if you love me, you'll do it...everyone is doing it...you won't get pregnant...etc" and she should have a comeback for each one. I told her boys don't stick around for babies even if she feels she's ready. She will be a lonely teen parent. Whenever I see a young teen mom in real life, I point it out to her saying "see what happens when you have sex early?" Now at 11, she knows about condoms but they are not 100%. And thanks to one of middle school aged friends telling her what she learned at school, she knows the specifics (sperm meets egg). Now I feel like she knows too much. And too early. Am I right or wrong.

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 9:49 AM on Feb. 25, 2011 in Tweens (9-12)

This question is closed.
Answers (9)
  • I would say the more knowedge they have the better. My daughter knew a lot at that age- I had a neighbor tell me she didn't want her older son around her because of it. She is 17 now and has not had sex yet. Keep talking about it- use music, tv, whatever as places to start. LLet her know she needs to love herself and that you don't need a boy to be happy- that sort of thing. As far as telling her that boys like to do it because it feels good- I would have said people like to- and not make it out like it is something girls have to do for them and that it's not fun for us- you know? Be honest with her and don't make it into a "bad" thing
    : )
    charlotsomtimes

    Answer by charlotsomtimes at 10:22 AM on Feb. 25, 2011

  • good

    butterflyblue19

    Answer by butterflyblue19 at 9:53 AM on Feb. 25, 2011

  • I think you've done fine with educating your daughter. I would caution, however, that her getting pregnant might not be the best selection for your biggest fear. You are personally an example of how it doesn't need to be the end of your life. It's very hard and should (and can) be avoided, but I am far more fearful of my kids contracting deadly or life-threatening diseases, making stupid and deadly decisions with motor vehicles, drugs and/or alcohol. If given the choice between an ill-timed grand-child and burying one of my kids, I'll take the grandchild any day.
    Dr.Donna

    Answer by Dr.Donna at 10:01 AM on Feb. 25, 2011

  • I dont think youre wrong, but I do think maybe you generalized alot of outcomes with teen moms. I try and stay away from doing that because I dont want my kids (especially my girls) to be judgmental about other girls they go to school with if that makes any sense. Also you dont want to make her think sex is bad. That having kids means being alone. She is young and can take it the wrong way.

    I was a teen mom and my dd still ended up a teen mom. I had her on birth control and everything and had the talk more then once with her. Really all you can do is take examples of your life and how it affected you personally and tell her why you want more for her.
    gemgem

    Answer by gemgem at 9:55 AM on Feb. 25, 2011

  • It's scarey how much they seem to have to know at such an early age! Sad really. But you are right on track w/ the info. Just keep the lines of communcation open at all times & remind her often of how much she means to you, & how much you want the brightest possible future for her. I would hope that if girls have a high self esteem, they will hopefully keep that in the back of their mind when in that moment. (or even prevent themselves from getting to that moment!) Keep up the good work mama!
    mrsmom110

    Answer by mrsmom110 at 10:05 AM on Feb. 25, 2011

  • I think you're doing fine. Maybe try to make sure she knows that you don't feel that she was a mistake though and assure her that you wouldn't trade being her mom for anything:)
    Luuckymommy

    Answer by Luuckymommy at 2:55 PM on Feb. 25, 2011

  • You are fine but I hope you don't say that about the teen moms where they can hear you, that kind of thing can really hurt. I was single and pregnant at 18 but I look younger than I am and people thought I was 15 all the time and they made nasty comments
    JLS2388

    Answer by JLS2388 at 8:17 PM on Feb. 25, 2011

  • You're doing the right thing.
    SweetLuci

    Answer by SweetLuci at 12:29 PM on Feb. 26, 2011

  • I think that yo did the right thing, just be careful how loud you talk around teen moms, they might feel hurt about being "labled" My 12 yo knows some, but not a whole lot, but she has been asking me questions, and I have been answering them as they come, and I think that is just about the only way you can get the job done!
    djh0505

    Answer by djh0505 at 12:20 AM on Feb. 28, 2011