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Question for my fellow sahm's... how do things play out when its tax refund time? is your hubby able to separate needs from wants?

ok, so were getting a rather large refund back this year. at first he said he wanted to save it, which is a good thing and im glad hes not talking about spending it frivolously or anything.

anyway, i brought up paying off his truck and he said we might be trading it in instead. ok, thats fine. so then he says he wants to buy a $300 amp, call of duty black ops (which runs about $60 around here), paying off his $800 new guitar (which he seriously did not need, he already had 6 guitars) and i think that was it. in the back of my mind i thought to myself, "ok, he doesnt need any of that crap but since he works 50 hours a week and it all goes to bills, the man should be able to buy some nice things for himself"

well even after all that stuff we will still have a lot of money left, all of which he wants to save. were moving soon and ive thrown ideas around about upgrading certain parts of the house. nothing huge, its not like i want to build on to it or anything. i want to toss our shower curtain out and create a whole new theme in our new bathroom, and same with the shared bathroom for the kids. and i also want to buy some nice plants and stuff for the yard, and possibly a swingset for them. the most expensive thing out of the things i want is the freakin swingset. he said maybe to all that stuff. so then i brought up the possibility of a family vacation in the summer, which would run us about 2k for the whole thing. he said we have plenty of time to do that.

i guess im more irritated that hes shutting down all my ideas. i did politely remind him that we have 3 kids and more than half of our refund is thanks to child tax credit, and who spends 24/7 taking care of their need? this girl right here. we had this same battle last year about our refund and hes so possessive over it. i have no problem with him buying what he wants but he takes no consideration into what i would like to do with it. i dont feel my requests are outrageous especially the paying off the debts one, thats practical and sensible.

but i always end up losing this fight. so our huge, lovely refund will sit in the bank after he buys his precious material items. how does this go down in your home? is he posessive over "his" money also?

 
tnm786

Asked by tnm786 at 1:08 PM on Feb. 25, 2011 in Relationships

Level 43 (159,608 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (10)
  • My husband spent our refund entirely on me this year. Normally we either go on a family vacation or make a large purchase for the house. He is never selfish with the money even though only he works.
    Orionsgirl

    Answer by Orionsgirl at 1:10 PM on Feb. 25, 2011

  • No my husband isnt that way at all. I am in charge of all finances and he actually has had to ask me if he could spend anything on himself. I never deny him, he knows that. I just am in charge of all the bills and I know what we need and dont need. I am the one whose home and takes care of the bills so I know what we need to pay down, get fixed and all that jazz.

    This year the ONLY thing he insisted on was buying me a car. My van had been in the shop awhile, and he asked me to give the van to my dd (after we paid to fix it which we did) so she could have a larger reliable car for her and her two kids. After that he went and bought me a mustang, which he knew I had wanted for awhile. The only thing he got himself was his car fixed, a couple new games & thats about it. My husband is pretty awesome.
    gemgem

    Answer by gemgem at 1:15 PM on Feb. 25, 2011

  • We are using it to repair the car and we are saving the rest. I hope. :)
    jen2774161

    Answer by jen2774161 at 1:16 PM on Feb. 25, 2011

  • Fact is it's not HIS refund it belongs to the both of you. Whether he feels that way or not all marital assets belong to both parties unless otherwise specified by prenup or divorce settlement

    I understand your thinking that he works hard for the money and deserves nice things but you work hard too. He wouldn't be able to do it without you . He'd have to pay someone to do all the things you do to make life run so he can work. Either your partnership or you deserve a salary lol.

    Bottom-line major decisions should be made together
    kayslay

    Answer by kayslay at 1:24 PM on Feb. 25, 2011

  • I know some of it is going toward visiting family, other than that it is being saved.
    matthewscandi

    Answer by matthewscandi at 1:17 PM on Feb. 25, 2011

  • Anytime he wants to be a TURD, I remind him that the bank does have a full financial POA on file for me and he can either agree, discuss or back off of OUR money.
    matthewscandi

    Answer by matthewscandi at 1:20 PM on Feb. 25, 2011

  • Generally I'm in charge of bill paying and whatnot, and tax time is no different. He told me that he wanted certain things paid off, and to pay up rent and put aside some money to fix his truck he drives to work. Then he said that he wanted to half what was left over, after taking some out solely for the kids' needs. He ended up not really spending much of his part on himself- most of it went to things he bought for me or the kids, which is REALLY sweet :)
    lovingmy4babies

    Answer by lovingmy4babies at 1:48 PM on Feb. 25, 2011

  • Oh that would NOT be happening in this house! I'm too hard headed to allow a man to say where that money is going. Sure he may work, but children cause refunds to be larger and you're the one caring for them. I wouldn't even argue about it. When the money came, I'd give him what he wanted, I'd put away what we planned to save, then I'd go buy things.

    Here, we split it pretty evenly between us, bills, DD and things we've put off until we got the money (like eye exams and glasses, new tires, oil change, new toaster, etc.), and we don't really fight about it. Neither of us are SUPER materialistic, but I have a serious book problem... I usually spend $200-250 every spring on books, and I buy a few throughout the rest of the year lol. This year, I'm buying a new bookshelf, too haha.

    I'm sorry he's being such a stuck up kid about all that. I would seriously let him have it about all that, if it were me.
    Mrs.BAT

    Answer by Mrs.BAT at 3:29 PM on Feb. 25, 2011

  • Does my answer count, since I'm also in college??? I just thought about that since it was a question for SAHMs...
    Mrs.BAT

    Answer by Mrs.BAT at 3:33 PM on Feb. 25, 2011

  • LOL of course it counts :) i just meant SAHMs since our hubbys are the one who bring the income in.
    tnm786

    Comment by tnm786 (original poster) at 3:35 PM on Feb. 25, 2011

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