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Domestic Violence Support

My husband has been verbally and emotionally abusive for quite some time but today he was physically abusive for the first time. He called me fat for the thousandth time (I weigh 135 pounds and have had 2 kids) and I finally told him that if he is not happy then he should go someplace else. He grabbed my 3 year old and told me he was leaving and taking her with him (my oldest was in school). I blocked the stairs in an effort to stop him grabbing for my little girl to try and get her in any way possible. He is almost a foot taller than me and about 60 pounds heavier so it was no contest. He broke our gate and pushed past me down the stairs. He then turned around and pushed me back onto the stairs and briefly put his hands around my throat. I ran upstairs to call the cops and he followed with my daughter in tow. He pushed me into the wall and put his hands around my neck again. Not for long but he left a mark. He kept saying that he would take both kids and I would never see them again if I called the cops and that I had to decide to either be a good wife and do what he said or I would never see the kids again. I didn't call the police because I really fear that he will take my kids. I don't know what to do but I could really use some support. Is there anyone in a similar situation who I can go to when I need to vent. I can't risk losing my kids even if it means staying until they are old enough to call me or tell a cop if he ever takes them which is years from now. I also don't want to harm my kids but I am beginning to think that being in an unhealthy marriage is hurting them anyway. Please help!

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 4:23 PM on Feb. 25, 2011 in Relationships

Answers (6)
  • If you have time to post this you have time to call the police. Do it NOW! It isn''t to late. Get your bags back and get the hell out of there and call a local women shelter
    mommy_of_two388

    Answer by mommy_of_two388 at 4:27 PM on Feb. 25, 2011

  • Been there done that. Does he work>? First off all go into the bathroom or something with the camera and take some pictures of any marks he left on you. Second if he broke the gate or anything in the house take a photo of that as well. Wait for him to go to work and call the police. Press charges. Ask them to help you get a restraining order. Once you get one ask the judge to please also involve the children in the protective order because he threatened to kidnap them and is unstable. The judge will grant this and he will not be allowed contact with any of you, and odds are he will get supervised visits with the kids. You also need to get in touch with a DV shelter. They have counselors and people there to help you. You can even stay there and they help get your own place. Either way call 1−800−799−SAFE(7233). They will counsel you and get you in touch with the local help people.
    gemgem

    Answer by gemgem at 4:29 PM on Feb. 25, 2011

  • Once violence has excalated to the physical point, it will continue being physical. It is not safe for you or your children to be in that environment. Please do not wait to call the police and go to a shelter or a family's house. The safest time for you to exit would be after the 1st incident. He will more than likely feel badly and might refrain from hunting you down. Please, take this opportunity to high-tail it out of there. If you cannot do it for you, do it for your kids.
    BTW, you cannot believe him when he comes back and says, "I'm sorry". He will repeat. he will repeat until he has undergone ALOT of treatment.
    ImaginationMama

    Answer by ImaginationMama at 4:46 PM on Feb. 25, 2011

  • Call the police, make sure they have a report of exactly what happened and take photos of any marks on your body and any damage to the house - he can try to take the kids but when the court sees he has physically harmed you they won't give him custody. I was in a similar situation several years ago; I documented every phone call, text, e-mail, etc after I left - he did his threats and such telling me I'd never see my kids again and all that, now even two years later he still only gets supervised visits with the kids.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:17 PM on Feb. 25, 2011

  • I am beginning??? to think that being in an unhealthy marriage is hurting them anyway


    you KNOW this is bad for your children, you KNOW IT,
    do something for your kids if not for you


    CALL AN ABUSE SHELTER NOW!

    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:41 PM on Feb. 25, 2011

  • You need to call the cops and report him. They will put you and the kids in a battered women's shelter for protection. He (your husband )
    Isn't going to stop he's only going to get worse as time goes on. You need to take the kids out of there and go some place safe for all you!!!
    stitchintime

    Answer by stitchintime at 9:33 PM on Feb. 25, 2011

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