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My mom is nuts...how do I deal?

My mom is crazy. She's mentally and emotionally abusive, controlling, manipulative, demanding and a drama queen. Talking doesn't help, only makes it worse. What I really want is to tell her off and be done with it, but I can't because then I have to deal with the rest of my family telling me to apologize and make nice.

On one hand, I don't want to keep her and my children from having a relationship because I know she loves her grandbabies so much and they love her. At the same time, I'm terrified that she's going to mess them up as much as she did me.

Like I said, talking does not help, I've tried all the words I can find. How do I deal?
At what point do you disown? Would you ever disown your parents? Under any circumstances?

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 12:15 AM on Nov. 20, 2008 in Relationships

Answers (7)
  • Limit your time. When you visit her or are over there, monitor what she does and says with your kids. WHen she gets out of line, simply state to your kids, "that's not a nice thing to say/do/or think." if she argues, just say "Well, its time for us to go." END IT. She will know that you will not deal with it, and will leave. You do it enough she will get the point. Same with phone conversations. She gets biligerant on the phone, just hang up, or say "ok, well, I gotta go." and get off the phone. She'll be upset because she can't complain or abuse you if your not listening or there.
    YanniSmoMMy

    Answer by YanniSmoMMy at 12:23 AM on Nov. 20, 2008

  • Dont justify her with an answer or reaction when she acts up. When family member s ask why you leave (which at first will probably be alot!), tell them that you wont subject yourself or your kids with that, and leave it at that. YOU AND YOUR CHILDREN SHOULD NOT HAVE TO BE SUBJECT TO THAT. I personally wouldn't disown, but I would limit my contact time.
    YanniSmoMMy

    Answer by YanniSmoMMy at 12:23 AM on Nov. 20, 2008

  • You wouldn't happen to be my sister-in-law, would you?

    No, you couldn't be...because she DID disown her mother. As did my husband. Neither of them talk to her because she is....well, insert your own description here and you'd have my MIL.

    I bet you're not the only one who feels this way....and there is strength in numbers. Time to talk to the rest of the family about it. ALL of you need to use the same method, which doesn't necessarily mean a confrontation. It DOES mean not buying into the drama and manipulation.
    gdiamante

    Answer by gdiamante at 12:24 AM on Nov. 20, 2008

  • I don't know how much i could take before I went as far as disowning my parent, If the abuse was EXTREME, I guess I would be forced to, but if it's just your every day like say, gossiping about me to family members, or calling me names, I guess I would just avoid contact with her. There's not much you can do to change anyone else's behavior, but you can avoid contact as much as possible, I dealt with a mother in law who was like this, and I just had to remove myself from her company and her presence so she knew nothing about my life except things from the past, and since she had no news to spread around about any drama or problems I was going through, she was forced to gossip about other people and leave my name out of her vocabulary..
    Aprilmorgans

    Answer by Aprilmorgans at 12:27 AM on Nov. 20, 2008

  • No I wouldn't ever disown her but I would however encourage her to go to the Dr. prozac is a wonder drug! I could swear you were talking about my mom! LOL! Especially since grandkids are involved. She probably has a chemical imbalance she is unaware of. Just love her like bible says and get that woman some medicine. you can secretly talk to your family dr and when she comes in for visit it will be his idea not yours. :) But I have felt your pain!
    1countrygal

    Answer by 1countrygal at 12:27 AM on Nov. 20, 2008

  • maybe you should just let it all out and tell her how you really feel. i went to counseling with my mom. and it helped us out alot now we are close than ever. i disowned my father he was abusive to my mother and a drug addict who couldnt take care of his family. he left us when i was 3 and ive always hated him and he always brings drama and wants me to feel sorry for him but i dont. i have a 8 month old that he saw a couple of times but hes to messed for me to deal with and i have another one the way and i refuse to tell him.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:28 AM on Nov. 20, 2008

  • My mother sounds a lot like you have described yours. When I was younger, it got to the point where I felt I couldn't deal with her anymore, and I didn't talk to her for years. Then she got ahold of me again, and I decided to give her another chance. This was while I was pg with my first child. I explained to her then that her behavior needed to change, and she agreed, but then didn't change. At that point, I decided that there was no way she was going to mess up my child the way she did me. To me, she would do more damage being in their life, than not. Maybe you could set limits, and if she acts up, leave. Maybe if you do that, she'll get the hint. You need to do what's best for you and your children. I know it's hard. Good Luck.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:33 AM on Nov. 20, 2008

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