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Is he just WAY to inhibited? Can some men Not be brought out of their shell? adult content

Every time I try the sexting thing with DH he either changes the subject, tells me that he didn't get the text or treats it like it's a joke. And this goes for phone sex and even sex games (rather board games or card games, role play, dressing up, etc.) I'm doing everything I can to spice things up - but he's not cooperating at all. I'm getting frustrated. We ain't 'bored' or boring, per se. I just like to keep it saucy. I'm trying to bring this man out of his shell, put a little extra heat on the fire, if you will. But I can't do that if he's never willing to play along. I mean let's face it; the heating pad feels nice on low and medium, it gets the job done, but sometimes you just want (or need) to flip the switch all the way up to scalding hot, ya know.
What the heck?

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Asked by Anonymous at 7:10 PM on Feb. 25, 2011 in Relationships

Answers (10)
  • Have you tried talking to him and telling him you aren't going to judge him for what he confides in you about that topic?

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:14 PM on Feb. 25, 2011

  • There is a pretty high percentage of men who enjoy doing the pursuing rather than being the pursued. Don't know if your hubby falls into that group or not, but if he does, you are making him feel pretty bad about himself when you keep doing all these little "extras." If you really want to do things that will help your cause, try telling him how much you appreciate the man he is, thank him for little things like taking out the trash, bringing home a paycheck. Those are the kinds of things that will light the fire of the most reticent of men.


    Answer by NannyB. at 7:17 PM on Feb. 25, 2011

  • He is just not into that kind of stuff.
    Maybe get a stripper pole and dance for him. He might be into that.

    Answer by louise2 at 7:17 PM on Feb. 25, 2011

  • Sure have. And I've learned that he does love when I talk about sex, not just dirty talk during sex, but he gets all bothered when I just talk about it. I mean this is a man that's so ready that all I have to do to cause Mr. Happy to stand at attention is to say "take your clothes off" "show me something nice" or anything even remotely suggestive ... I'm not kidding... it's cute and flattering. He says Mr. Happy loves me and loves the sound of my voice and likes to stand when he's being talked about. Soooo, knowing that he's as excited verbally as he is visually really confuses me considering the problem at hand.

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 7:21 PM on Feb. 25, 2011

  • So why is your way the right way? You want, you want. How about what he wants? Obviously he doesn't want what you want so calm it down. Find out what he does want and compromise.

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:55 PM on Feb. 25, 2011

  • Calm what down? In case you missed the post right above yours... I have talked to him, I have found out what he likes.... he likes when I talk to him about sex...... but I'm having a hard time getting him out of his shell to participate when I *do talk about sex..... read before you post. But thanks for implying that I'm being selfish; I mean how dare I actually attempt to please my man, right?

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 8:30 PM on Feb. 25, 2011

  • I'll bump ya cause my SO is same way. I try to keep in interesting to make sure he's satisfied and excited by our sex life and when I do things he acts interested but when it comes down to it, I think he would be happy with normal missionary every night for ever.

    Answer by huntin_mama at 9:28 PM on Feb. 25, 2011

  • My ex was exactly the same way. For him, his strict catholic upbringing held him back. It was vanilla sex all the time. Maybe that's why we are divorced! lol

    Answer by Inloveagain at 9:34 PM on Feb. 25, 2011

  • Whew.. thankfully we don't have vanilla sex, per se... but our repertoire is getting a bit dusty. He's come a LONG way from what is was when we married; he was terribly inhibited. When we talked about it all I found out that the women he was with was rather "vanilla" themselves so spice wasn't the norm for him with his past relationships. And he has a very stressful job on top of a somewhat limited sexual history. He's got some moves for sure, but you know you can just tell when it's time to kick it up a little.

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 12:15 AM on Feb. 26, 2011

  • Could it be that he thinks those board and card games, sexting and 'role play' are super-lame and he just doesn't want to tell you that because it would hurt your feelings?

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:28 AM on Feb. 26, 2011

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