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Should my son have my last name?

Im sons father is pushing very strongly for me to agree to change our childs name to his last name, or at least add his on first and then put mine at the end....we were never married and were not together when he was born, and hes certainly not my favorite person right now as all he cares about is child support....but i dont want to be selfish about it. My reasoning is that its weird when i am the one that will be dealing with school things and doctors etc for me to have a different name then my son doesnt feel right....and his side is that i will get married eventually and my name will change anyways. but im thinking i will cross that bridge when it is time.The hyphenation at this point seems dumb because i will still only put my last name at appts and i dont even see the point right now. If im clearly wrong I'd love others opinions, but i know a few ppl who had their mothers name and it was never an issue.....

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 8:14 PM on Feb. 25, 2011 in General Parenting

Answers (12)
  • you not with him anymore you werent married and you werent with him when you child was born. I woundt give my child that the same name as him. Let you child have your name. I would find it not so good either when you have different names. Dont let him bother you, its what you think its right.

    Answer by LittleBirdFly at 8:17 PM on Feb. 25, 2011

  • Tell him to put a ring on it, until then, he gets your last name. My son does not have his dad's last name because we're not married.

    Answer by ambr2006 at 8:19 PM on Feb. 25, 2011

  • Don;t let him push you. Stand your ground. Let your son keep your last name. His father wasn't around, so what's his point? I have had three employees in the past few years that their last names weren't either their mothers or their fathers. Mom just named them what she wanted. Paradise Garden, Ivory get the point.

    Answer by Kimimale at 8:21 PM on Feb. 25, 2011

  • I agree with the other posters. You're NOT married to the father, You were NOT together when your son was born, and he's being a JERK about things now. Give your son your last name and tell the father to go take a long walk off a short pier.

    "I love long walks; especially when they're taken by people that annoy me" ~*~Got that off a reader board from a mechanic's shop.

    Answer by Rosehawk at 8:27 PM on Feb. 25, 2011

  • If he is fathering the child why not add it on? Use yours as the last name but pacify him and put his last name first. Seriously, if he is spending time with the kid and raising him as well, then why not?

    Answer by bcauseimthemom at 9:02 PM on Feb. 25, 2011

  • How involved with your son is he? If your not married, weren't together when he was born and he doesn't see him much. I wouldn't. But if he is a very involved Father and is there  for your son, then maybe. I wouldn't let him push you into doing anything you don't want to do though.


    Answer by matheson7 at 9:34 PM on Feb. 25, 2011

  • I say no especially if you aren't married. Maybe you could give him both last names as a compromise but if you really don't want to do that either then I say stand your ground. Why should your son have his name over yours? What makes his last name any more important?

    Answer by newmomma14 at 9:38 PM on Feb. 25, 2011

  • My son's father did the same. We were on again off again for 3 years, he cheated on my twice, when my son was born we weren't together. I stood my ground, even though at the time he was trying to be "father of the year". I gave my son my last name. 5 years later my son hasn't seen his dad in nearly 2 years, and the years that he was around it was about once every 4-6 months, and a holiday if we were lucky. I'm glad I stood my ground and gave him my name. I agree with you the marriage situation can be dealt with when the time comes. There's adoption, there's having different names, and there's always the option of you keeping your maiden name. So go with what feels right now, don't worry about the future, and stick to your guns. Don't let him convince you otherwise!

    Answer by ba13ygrl1987 at 9:39 PM on Feb. 25, 2011

  • If your son already has your last name, KEEP IT THAT WAY. Just be glad he does! I know a few single moms who gave their kid the dad's last name and they broke up/aren't getting married. I couldn't imagine not having the same last name as my Son. It's very important that I do! Of course, I'm Married so We all have the same last name..but if I was in your situation, I would also give my child my last name and not change it.

    Answer by -AJ at 9:57 PM on Feb. 25, 2011

  • The last name is the family name... who's really his family? If his father is a significant and reliable part of this kid's life and most likely will be in the future, I can understand his request. Marriage doesn't make or break a good father. But if he only wants some stamp of recognition without any effort, tell him that he has to earn it.

    Answer by Sebbiemama at 10:15 PM on Feb. 25, 2011

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