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3 Bumps

What now?

im 7 months pregant and up till this point the father had no communication with me. while we had a damn near perfect relationship up until i got pregnant he pretty much just completely freaked out when we found out about the baby and hit the road. we are both in our middle 30's so its not like we are too young. through it all his family has been awesome and i know i have been blessed to have their support and love when he wasnt there. about a month ago however, he contacted me to go to dinner and talk and all went well. we have been talking on the phone and he has gone to my doc appts with me. i am so relieved that he is coming to his senses and while my friends dont understand how i can forgive him i know that its the right thing to do so my daughter will have her father-i have a wonderful father and want that for her too. even though he was terrible to me during the beginning of this pregnancy, every time we talk or i see him i am reminded of how very much in love we were and that i still feel that way. but im too afraid to bring that up with him and scare him off because in the end the most important thing is for my baby to have him in her life even if i have to give up on that. things are going so well right now i dont want to rock the boat too much. any advice? should i just continue taking it day by day and see where it goes or should i speak up?

Answer Question
 
dez1379

Asked by dez1379 at 10:32 PM on Feb. 25, 2011 in Relationships

Level 13 (1,158 Credits)
Answers (11)
  • yup, day by day
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 10:34 PM on Feb. 25, 2011

  • Mightbe he wants to be with you now and you have mentioned that you love that guy. So forget it and continue with the relationship.....
    AnuMeha

    Answer by AnuMeha at 10:35 PM on Feb. 25, 2011

  • I agree take it day by day. This isn't about what he might do it's about if he might hurt you again and hurt his daughter by up in leaving because he keeps getting cold feet.
    mommy_of_two388

    Answer by mommy_of_two388 at 10:35 PM on Feb. 25, 2011

  • Take it day by day and when you feel your relationship is on more solid ground you can eventually talk about it, an unplanned pregnancy is enough to freak out anyone no matter what their age.
    momof2inCT2007

    Answer by momof2inCT2007 at 10:38 PM on Feb. 25, 2011

  • Take it day by day. The fact that he came around and realized he wanted to be a part of his child's life is wonderful and if things keep going as well as you say they are going then he will probably come all the way back around to you. Don't push him and just enjoy your time together.
    kmath

    Answer by kmath at 11:12 PM on Feb. 25, 2011

  • I'd go day by day, he may just see that new little baby and just melt and never go away again. If you make a big deal out of it now you just might scare him off again and never give him that chance. Why ruin a good thing if it's going good now, just enjoy what you've got for now and hope for the best. Good Luck .
    MyAngel003

    Answer by MyAngel003 at 12:26 AM on Feb. 26, 2011

  • guess i am the only one who would say speak up. I wouldnt want to live feeling like he is gonna leave at any moment. I would just sit down with him and have an adult conversation with him about how i am feeling and my need to know if he really in this or if he is still unsure. No pressure, I would just need to know where his head is at. I woulldnt force anything but i wouldnt leave it alone either
    sarlove01

    Answer by sarlove01 at 1:03 AM on Feb. 26, 2011

  • I would just take it day by day. Maybe he came to his senses and he was scared at first. But i would take it slow and see where it leads. Good Luck
    shiffy2

    Answer by shiffy2 at 7:41 AM on Feb. 26, 2011

  • I would take the opportunity to work on the communication between the two of you, so he has the tools and feels comfortable discussing his hopes and fears with you instead of running for the hills. It could be useful for you to read about therapeutic communication techniques and apply what you learn. Also, it would be a good idea to discuss his parenting role and responsibilities, in a non-threatening way, to head off any problems that may crop up once the baby arrives. Set yourself and him up for success in your relationship.
    Fistandantalus

    Answer by Fistandantalus at 8:12 AM on Feb. 26, 2011

  • I agree with Fistandantalus. You need to communicate freely and openly so that you both are aware of the other's fears and expectations. Communication is definitely the key to success in any circumstance!
    rosiemendo

    Answer by rosiemendo at 1:25 PM on Feb. 26, 2011

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