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5 Bumps

I have ran out of ways to

Tell my dd's that I just want to get my granddaughters when I'm up for it.I have 4 children and 2 grandkids.Our youngest is 16 and still in school,so we are busy with his school functions and we really enjoy it.I want to enjoy just being a grandma,not a full time babysitter.My dd says things to me like you need time away from your granddaughter?I watch her 40 hrs.a wk.without pay and. My other GD 2 days a wk.and then I see and are with them alott b/c my dd's over here alott.that's another thing,ppl can't believe I ask my dd for just a little a wk.when daycares easy over a 100 or more a wk.I am just tired and have alott of health problems too and still care for them anytime they ask.I am a great GM but don't want or feel up to being their full time sitter and my dd's make me feel guilty of this all the time.I don't know any other way to tell them anymore.I have just been honest.Shouldn't I be able to get them when we call and ask to get them and just enjoy them when we can? Just needed to vent I guess but anyones opinion would be nice.

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karencrouch

Asked by karencrouch at 11:21 PM on Feb. 25, 2011 in Relationships

Level 10 (427 Credits)
Answers (10)
  • I am not a gramma yet but it seems to me like they're NOT respecting you and your life. harder to say than do but I would strongly encourage you to say no and stick to it. You've raised your children (mostly) you should not have to do it again free of charge. My husband and I *always* ask a grandparent if they are willing to watch our kids for X amount of time while we go out on that very rare, elusive thing called a kid-free date.

    Best of luck and I certainly empathize with the feelings of being used and abused then put away wet.
    Rosehawk

    Answer by Rosehawk at 11:32 PM on Feb. 25, 2011

  • aww im sorry! i would let them know u want to watch them less!! its great of u to want to help out tho! and taking care of lil kids all day is A LOT of work! u need some time to rest!! i agree u should b able to call and ask for the kids its not fair that they make u feel guilty! my cousins are always wanting my parents to baby sit their 2 kids! when it was just the one my parents watched her every friday night! but now she is 3 and is running all over and is to much for my moms bad back! i would help but i have my own 1 year old running around! lol! we havent watched their kids in months! its sad but my mom just cant do it anymore! we do take her something in the afternoon for a few hours but not over night! u do wats best for u!! good luck! *hugs*
    Caroline2010

    Answer by Caroline2010 at 11:34 PM on Feb. 25, 2011

  • I know it has got to be hard to tell your dd's that you need some time for yourself. You are thier GM not their babysitter. Hugs, just try to talk to them about it. You want to be a grandma and play and have fun with them and spoil them. Not have to watch them 24/7. I am sure you are a great grandma. I hope you can get it all worked out!!
    kmath

    Answer by kmath at 11:36 PM on Feb. 25, 2011

  • you need you talk to your kids, and explain how you feel. You can even put it more on the health issues, and say hey, 40+ hours a week is to much for me i enjoye every second of the time i have been spending with them, but physically i can't keep up and its getting harder. Then set in stone, tell them what you can handle. maybe 2 or 3 days a week would be fine. My mom has MS and watches my daughter every Monday and Friday, she loves every second and misses her terribly when she misses a day with my daughter, but if it is any more, it is way to much on my mom. i feel guilty having her watch her more. So you just have to find that happy medium were you both can be happy. good luck, i hope everything works out for you
    ashjacks4

    Answer by ashjacks4 at 11:59 PM on Feb. 25, 2011

  • I can see both sides of it, GL
    SweetLoveofMine

    Answer by SweetLoveofMine at 12:03 AM on Feb. 26, 2011

  • have you explained that you just arent up to all that work? Its not fair for them to expect that of you if you never promised to be the full time sitter... and even if you did, you are having a hard time with it! I wouldnt do that to my mom. try sitting them down and explaining how you feel. Is it a financial thing for them? are they able to afford a sitter or daycare? Maybe they are just not getting it? maybe they dont understand it is too much for you?
    sarlove01

    Answer by sarlove01 at 12:53 AM on Feb. 26, 2011

  • Sorry to hear ... Yr kids seem to take the easiest way: their convenience becomes your inconvenience.
    I feel it's their ungratefulness, them taking you for granted that hurts you most.

    If you were "On Strike" for a week or two, I'm sure they'll appreciate you more, and will stop taking you
    for granted.
    lillyblue111

    Answer by lillyblue111 at 2:58 AM on Feb. 26, 2011

  • You have got to stop. This is the time for you in your life! You must tell your adult child that you do not have time for all that daycare u have been providing and that they must find a sitter to replace you. until then you need to get paid 70 dollars (or whatever) a week. If u feel you have to explain , say as i do to mine, I raised my kids and its my time now. It was hard for me at first, but we all adjusted and I am alot happier taking control of my time.
    dmr73059

    Answer by dmr73059 at 7:43 AM on Feb. 26, 2011

  • Well, I know I'd hate to be treated like a daycare service. Sounds like they are using you to me. I'd definitely say something, and put my foot down about it. You shouldn't feel obligated to care for the grandchildren if you are sick or just don't feel up to it. While you do have a responsibility to be a loving and caring grandparent, that does NOT include being a nanny/babysitter more than you would like. Be unavailable for a week or two, take a vacation from kids, have some kind of kid-free week or two- anything to get them out of the house and get you some quiet time! I hope it works out for you!
    lovingmy4babies

    Answer by lovingmy4babies at 7:48 AM on Feb. 26, 2011

  • Your job isn't to be a full time, free babysitter! You have a right to your own time and interests. And you also should be able to get the kids when it's convenient for you. You have raised your children, now it's time for your dd's to do the same.
    Austinsmom35

    Answer by Austinsmom35 at 11:40 AM on Feb. 28, 2011

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