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Should I stay or leave him...???

I am 24 yrs. old living with bf, father of our 3 mo. old girl. He is lazy, drinking & party to much, and will not work and help with living expenses. I have only been in this relationship 16 mos. Everything happen to fast and unplanned baby. I love my daughter & enjoy being a mom. I realize how different bf & I are. He is 25 and expects his parents, my parents, and me to financially support all his needs. He has only worked 3 months total the past 16mos. I have 3 yrs of college and need to finish but don't have financial means to do that. Someone told me state aid would help me with college and childcare. Does anyone know anything about such state aid benefits? He does not want me to apply for food stamps or any aid...fear he will have to pay back. Should I apply while living with him or leave him and then apply. need help...what direction do I go?

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Asked by Abby1084 at 7:37 AM on Nov. 20, 2008 in Relationships

Level 1 (0 Credits)
Answers (46)
  • He needs to man up and take care of his responsibilities and if not, then you need to do what you need to do for you and your daughter.


    Answer by LovingParent08 at 7:46 AM on Nov. 20, 2008

  • You seem to have answered your own question. He is holding you back. Time to make your (and your daughter's) own life.

    Answer by Bmat at 7:55 AM on Nov. 20, 2008

  • Kick his ass to the curb! You already have one child to care for you don't need a second. What state are you in? I know a lot of place here in fl they want you to apply online for state aid (nothing wrong with that!) and they will be able to help you with food stamp and insurance for you child at the very least.

    With 3 years of college behind you it would be a shame to to stop now. Good luck! Feel free to PM me if you think I can help of just want to talk!

    Answer by Xynyth at 7:55 AM on Nov. 20, 2008

  • There is alot of reasons to leave him, how many not to? If he doesn't care enough about his own child he obviously is selfish so unlike him you have a good head on your shoulders and know you will do what needs done to make sure your family is taken care of. There is a government site that can tell you anything you are eligible for grants for school, assistance they will give you childcare expense, food stamps if you need it, even aid for rental expenses. Go finish school, enjoy your life with your child, this is only a bump in the road and things always happen for a reason. God never closes a door with out opening a window. The web site is good luck!

    Answer by 1countrygal at 8:15 AM on Nov. 20, 2008

  • You need to leave him and then if you need to apply for aid then it will be a lot easier. It sounds like you have grown up and he hasn't and you don't need to be taking care of another child.

    Answer by sammiesmom2000 at 8:25 AM on Nov. 20, 2008

  • If you didn't have a child, I would say go. I think that you owe it to her to stay with her daddy. Children need fathers in their lives, and he is the man that you chose to be her father. The truth is that you knew the kind of person he was, and you chose him anyway. Other people should not have to pay for the wrongs that we do, and some decisions that we make have life-long consequences. This man will always be your child's daddy, because you chose him to be her daddy.

    Answer by NannyB. at 8:32 AM on Nov. 20, 2008

  • He might always be her dad but his actions are only proving that he is not concerned for the welfare of his daughter. Maybe he does have the ability to grow up and take care of his family the way he should. BUT it's not fair to you to have to wait around and find out. Don't let him hold you back. As a mom we always put our children first. But him holding you back is only hurting you and your daugther also.

    If it was me, I would leave. Maybe he'll realize what harm he's done. But if he doesn't, then you will know for sure that you have made the right decision.

    Answer by MamaChanny at 8:44 AM on Nov. 20, 2008

  • Leave him sister!!! hes a bum i dont care if its her dad or not a dad dont sit in bars or couches 24/7 when the woman does ALL the work ur just as well off on ur own...u have been on ur own since u had her it sounds like..anyways so why keep him around and have to feed n extra mouth u really dont need!! do it for ur baby and urself momma!! i applaude u for growin up and takin on ur responsibilities and look at it this way leave him and he hads to get a job to pay for his lil girl that he hasnt been takin care of!!!!!! do what ur heart tells u to!! u sound like a smart woman keep it that way momma!! theres many more fish in the sea :0) if u have tried to tallk to him about it n he still continues to act like a immature bum then boot his ass!!!

    Answer by Happee2bmum at 8:46 AM on Nov. 20, 2008

  • I disagree with the above poster, no you don't have to stay with a bum because life went faster than you planned.  Yes you have a child with him, he has shown you very clearly though that he has no intention of doing anything constructive any time soon.  This is not an environment to raise a child in.  What do your parents say?  Will they help while you finish school?  There are all kinds of grants you can get being a single mother and going to school.  Better go upward than circle the drain. There is a considerable difference between being a "Daddy" and being a sperm donor. 


    Answer by Anonymous at 8:53 AM on Nov. 20, 2008

  • This man may always be her father in the sense that he was there when she was concieved, that does not mean he will ever behave like one. Strapping yourself to him and trying to "make him" be anything other than the irresponsible child he is will not work it will just ruin your life and that of your child. You are a parent now that means you have to make hard choices about what is in the best interest of your child.

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:53 AM on Nov. 20, 2008

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