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2 Bumps

Has anyone ever given a baby up for adoption?

What was that experience like? I'm considering so thats why Im asking.

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 5:09 PM on Feb. 26, 2011 in Adoption

Answers (31)
  • I have not given a baby up for adoption, however, I was given up for adoption as a newborn. If you are considering it, you should know that it was the greatest gift my biological mother ever gave to me. She did it because she loved me and wanted me to have the best life possible. She was unable to care for me and raise me herself, and giving me up was the most unselfish, loving thing possible. My mom and dad waited 12 years to adopt, and I had an awesome childhood and the best parents anyone could hope to have. Good luck with your decision.
    DeTora_Family

    Answer by DeTora_Family at 5:14 PM on Feb. 26, 2011

  • I have given a baby up for adoption. It was the toughest thing I did in my entire life. The pregnancy was the result of a rape, which is why I made the decision. It was an awesome experience tho, because she is with her family who loves her and gives her the best. It is an open adoption, so I see her about once a year and get pictures and letters. She doesn't know that I am her birth mother but one day will. I would recommend adoption over abortion every time. Good luck and feel free to email me if you want more details.
    parajumper3

    Answer by parajumper3 at 5:15 PM on Feb. 26, 2011

  • Don't do it.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:19 PM on Feb. 26, 2011

  • do what is best for the baby and then you....
    peace013

    Answer by peace013 at 6:01 PM on Feb. 26, 2011

  • Yes, I have. It is the hardest thing I have ever done in my life. It is losing a piece of your soul. If (physical/alcohol/drug) abuse or neglect is a part of your life, it may be something you should look into. However, do as much research as you can before making this life-long, life-altering decision. For your child, adoption does not guarantee a BETTER life, it only guarantees a DIFFERENT life. Your life is already altered forever. You are already a mother, if you choose to parent this child or not. If you parent, the joys and difficulties are obvious. If you choose to give your child up for adoption, you will still be a mother, but you will be living without your child. Any problems you feel you are dealing with now, you will be dealing with them on top of the loss of a child. Also, beware of open adoption promises. Open adoption is not legally enforceable, can close at any time.
    susie703

    Answer by susie703 at 7:11 PM on Feb. 26, 2011

  • I tried to kill myself as a result. It's a painful experience, promised open adoption, closed completely after 2 years, and now my daughter hates me. You should check out others experiences. Here is some literature: http://reformadoption.com
    HeatherRainbow

    Answer by HeatherRainbow at 7:34 PM on Feb. 26, 2011

  • Adoption is a permanent solution to what is often a temporary problem. Barring cases of abuse and/or neglect, I can find no reason to traumatize a child be removing him/her from the only sound, smell, taste, or world they've ever known - their mother. You can read The Primal Wound for more info.

    Losing my son was the worst pain in my life. I have never recovered. And as it turns out - I have more money and was able to give my raised child more than my son was given in his childhood. Adoption is not a guarantee of a luxurious life. People who adopt are just as susceptible to losing their jobs, the economy, illness, and other hardships as everyone else. But money is not what your baby wants. Your baby wants you. As it also turned out - I'm a more attentive, communicative, and selfless mother than my son's adoptive parents. Adoption is not a guarantee of a more loving life, either.
    nycdoll

    Answer by nycdoll at 8:39 PM on Feb. 26, 2011

  • You are doing the right thing by doing your research before you make this decision! There are many websites where you can meet other women who have faced this. For example, www,adoption.com, www.birthmothers4adoption.com (clearly biased in favor of adoption), and www.birthmombuds.com.

    There are also a few adoption groups on CM, including the group entitled Adoption, which consists of birthmoms, adoptive parents and adoptees. There is a birthmom group on CM. But it has been criticized as anti-adoption and lacking in modern day experience. Most of the members placed 20 yrs ago or more in closed adoptions.

    One thing to remember: Be sure you are talking to women who placed their children recently. There are many women who placed their children 15 years ago or more in closed adoptions. Adoption has changed a lot since then! It is important to have current information.
    ARgal

    Answer by ARgal at 8:50 PM on Feb. 26, 2011

  • Yes I did. Well I kind of did. I changed my mind and my choice was not respected by the agency or hospital. They got me to sign papers while heavily drugged and refused my revocation papers. It is a living hell. And no this wasn't 15 years ago and its not a closed adoption.
    I do agree that you should do your research but I would be careful on any of the sites mentioned above. birthmombuds and birthmothers4adoption are both tied directly to agencies. Adoption.com is heavily criticized for censoring anyone that has a less than positive adoption experience.
    Contrary to what a PP said the birthmom group on CM has many mothers in open adoption with very young children. Its not just women that placed 20 yrs ago. Since we are living modern day adoption I am pretty sure we are experienced in it.
    Be sure you are getting unbiased information that is not tied to any agency that stands to profit from you placing your baby.
    Aislin

    Answer by Aislin at 10:21 PM on Feb. 26, 2011

  • I would like to comment on the assumption that women who relinquished their babies more than 15 years ago are irrelevant: We are not. My son is 18. Open adoption would not change the fact that he was raised by strangers. Open adoption not change the fact that he is torn between 2 families needlessly. Open adoption would not change the fact that I have to hear him call someone else "mom."

    The pain of losing a child is not limited to this millennium. In fact, learning that women never get over the emptiness of losing a child even after all those years should confirm that adoption should only ever be a last resort... because the pain of loss isn't just the mother's, it's the child's as well.
    nycdoll

    Answer by nycdoll at 11:19 PM on Feb. 26, 2011

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