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Addicted Spouse

Does your spouse have an addiction that effects your marriage? What have you done to try to help him overcome the addiction? How do you deal with hubby while under the influence of the addiction?

Okay, a few questions to answer!

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 9:44 AM on Nov. 20, 2008 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (24)
  • What you need to understand is there is NOTHING you can do to help anyone else with their addiction. Anything you are trying likely amounts to enabling. The only thing you can do is not accept bad behaviour and encourage him to seek assistance with his problem. Know that sometimes - often - people must lose everything to really want to get help. It is not always necessary, but I suggest being prepared to leave. This may sound harsh, but as an alumnus of AA and the spouse of an alcoholic, I know what I am talking about. My hubby's problem with alcohol has roots in bipolar disorder. Once he received help for that the alcohol wasn't as big of a problem. But it hasn't taken care of the problem completely.
    figaro8895

    Answer by figaro8895 at 10:58 AM on Nov. 20, 2008

  • my husband was drinking really bad once he got out of afgan. he would always call me soo drunk in a bar or club.. or out in the streets and was starting fights with italians..... being 3700 miles away it was hard to help...

    just remain supportive and be there when he needs you thru it all... its hard but having support will help him so much...what kind of addiction? you may need to get him to go into a program. gl
    JuLiAnSmOmMy317

    Answer by JuLiAnSmOmMy317 at 9:47 AM on Nov. 20, 2008

  • addiction is an illness just like anything else you can develop. but until the person with the addiction can admit they have a problem and seek help there is not much you can do other than be there for them when they need it, maybe remind them they have exceeded their limit and its not healthy for them, bitching makes it worse. Just gradually try to at least wean them off a little at a time until they can be clear minded enough to see what has taken over their life. i have a friend that just started to NA last night and I am so proud of her!
    1countrygal

    Answer by 1countrygal at 10:14 AM on Nov. 20, 2008

  • as for how you deal with them... don't engage. sometimes that doesn't matter... i have experienced being followed around the house, etc. leave if you must. protect yourself and your child(ren)... call the police if you have to - don't be afraid of that. remember when they are under the influence you are not dealing with a sane person. this is not the person you know and love not under the influence. be very clear about what is acceptable and what is not. i am very open about my past and present issues... not ashamed or embarrassed. if there is any way i can help please PM me.
    figaro8895

    Answer by figaro8895 at 11:00 AM on Nov. 20, 2008

  • also... try al-anon (even if alcohol is not the problem). you should find support and peace and answers there.
    figaro8895

    Answer by figaro8895 at 11:01 AM on Nov. 20, 2008

  • Yes, my husband has an addiction to pornography. I find it very sad that people don't think it's a real problem but it is. It causes much pain in our household. I know there is nothing that I can really do for him to help him change because I know he's not ready yet. I do know that when he is, I'll be right there supporting him with whatever he needs. I've taken measures to make sure he can't view it at my house because I don't want that smut in my house but past that, there's nothing I can do.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:09 AM on Nov. 20, 2008

  • call that intervention show from tlc
    AmaliaD

    Answer by AmaliaD at 11:49 AM on Nov. 20, 2008

  • my dh was addicted to weed, drinks, & cigs. I talked to him about it. Because 1. its bad for your health and 2. it takes a lot of money to keep up with the addictions. Talking didn't work. Suggested going to see a therapist. That wasn't no good either. I bought this book, Power of the Praying Wife by Stormie Omartian. Its a excellent book. I read and read, prayed and prayed. It took a while but now my dh don't drink, smoke weed or cigs. And now we have so much more money to save or just play around with.
    Good Luck!
    cassey522

    Answer by cassey522 at 11:53 AM on Nov. 20, 2008

  • figaro8895.....I read your answer to my question and I began to cry, weep. You know, I mean YOU KNOW! I don't want it to get to the point of his rock bottom being the lose of me and our children! It would devastate me and even moreso our children. When he isn't under the influence of alcohol, he is amazingly fantastic. I have tried everything, bitching, begging, crying, threatening, not tolerating, not talking to him or dealing with him while he's drinking....NOTHING I have done works. My heart is broken and heavy. I am so in love with my husband and truly he is amazing without. THANK YOU for your advise, for your kindness and for your invitation. I may take you up on it!  :)

    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:59 AM on Nov. 20, 2008

  • I am so sorry you are going through this... it is hard. Most of the people I met in AA were the most wonderful, intelligent people I've met in my lifetime. My hubby is so wonderful... but when he drink, oi! The hardest part is for a nonaddict to understand the insidiousness of addiction and that you can't reason with it and love doesn't change it. And please feel free to PM me. Just because I am open about my circumstances does not mean I won't respect your privacy... i.e. I won't post comments on your page that reveal your personal business, etc. I hope that it won't come to breaking up your family, but I hope you find a way to have peace in yourself and for your kids. Since space is limited here, there is not enough for me to share insights with you you may find helpful, such as what brought me to a degree of sanity. It is different for everyone, but my experience may give you some clues.
    figaro8895

    Answer by figaro8895 at 1:42 PM on Nov. 20, 2008

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