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Have you ever had to cut off your family after just barely reconnecting?

I couldn't stand my mother from the time I turned 12, she favored my brother to the point of where it was obvious to everyone but her. She put me down, ignored me, she did nothing but scream at me and I just felt like I had to get out of there. I kept running away, eventually child services got involve and I told them I refused to go home. I was put in foster care. I had a few crappy foster homes but eventually found a great one, even though I was only with them from the time I was 14 until I was 16 (when I finished highschool and became emancipated) I kept in touch and lived in their house while I attended college. It was through my chosen family that I met my husband and gained yet another wonderful family. When I got married my husband tried to get me to reconnect with my family - I hadn't seen them nor spoken to any of them since I was 12. I began writing letters and exchanging phone calls with an aunt, my brother, grandmother, and a few cousins. When my first child was born I sent announcements to all of my biological family, even my mom. Over the last 6 years I have slowly integrated myself back into my family - though things are still strained with my mother.

Recently my mother told me my husband wasn't worth a dime, that he was...well she used lots of explicit words and phrases. She heard through the family grapevine that he has a criminal record for theft, assault, and other petty crimes. I believe my mother may have had a flashback to her own past when she was involved with a man who had a similar criminal record except he also dealt drugs and left her after getting her pregnant with my older brother. She's in one of her "moods" now every time I see her and I can understand if she'd met him from the beginning and knew of his past then she'd have a reason to worry but he's proven himself - he has a career, he's faithful and loving, an amazing dad, he even does volunteer work without a court order. We've been married for 7 years, we have 4 kids and are trying for a 5th. I don't want my mother's negative attitude or comments to be heard by my children, but at the same time I know she's loving being a grandma so I know it'll make her views worse if I cut her off right now.

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Asked by Anonymous at 6:22 PM on Feb. 26, 2011 in Relationships

Answers (3)
  • I am going through the same thing and wondering the same thing. I love my mom and sibling to death but at the end of the day I need to be happy for me. And take care of my own family. GL

    Answer by babygirl0782 at 6:30 PM on Feb. 26, 2011

  • We had to seperate from my husbands family because they could not grasp what a healthy relationship should be. He stays in contact with his step dad who raised him from a baby. We seperated from the for a year and started working toward a good relationship but as history always repeats itself they fell into the same behavior. As for his daughter, she too was seperated from them because they were a really bad influence. I have an almost 18yo foster daughter who has that "3 ring circus" family and us. She will face the same hard questions you are and my heart hurts for her. I personally side with stay seperate and live a peaceful life. Life is too short to hang on to someone who is toxic. I know that sounds mean but I live in peace now and it beats the hell out of what it was like before.

    Answer by RentaMom at 6:35 PM on Feb. 26, 2011

  • You had it right when you where 12, you never go back to a friend, hubby, mother that does not know how to love you.

    People seem to think just because you are family you are allowed to hurt others. If she was high school friend that treated you bad you would never look for her friendship again?

    You do not need her and your kids do not need to see you get hurt.

    Answer by gammie at 6:50 PM on Feb. 26, 2011

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