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Do u think it is appropriate to tell your teenage kids (16 and 17) about your marital problems between mom and dad if they asked ?

spider

 
gwen20

Asked by gwen20 at 7:22 PM on Feb. 26, 2011 in General Parenting

Level 35 (71,622 Credits)
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Answers (9)
  • I think it is their business, maybe not in 100% percent detail, but yes they should know. They should know that relationships are not all icing on a cupcake. I believe that they should know what the problems are and the parents should be moving past and working on problems in a healthy way. Where else are they going to learn about relationships and how to work on them?
    leksismommy

    Answer by leksismommy at 7:32 PM on Feb. 26, 2011

  • Not in detail. On the other hand, my parents kept their problems hidden and i was SHOCKED when my mom told me she was leaving him, It came out of nowhere.
    Mel_in_PHX

    Answer by Mel_in_PHX at 7:26 PM on Feb. 26, 2011

  • I think generally teens will pick up the tension between parents unless they are exceptional at hiding it. If they ask, I suggest honesty without details (there are a couple of issues that are being worked out).
    Nonoluna

    Answer by Nonoluna at 7:37 PM on Feb. 26, 2011

  • ~*Hmm*~... that is a tough question! Personally I wouldn't even tell my adult children, because they have no business in our private affairs? I would tell my children about what we do behind closed doors much less our personal issues... plus would hate to think they'd need to take sides, or hate the "bad" parent, or them take anyhting in as their fault (I've seen grownups that saw parents divorce fall apart).

    However what others do is their business... not my call, but I can say what I think and would do!
    MommaClark3

    Answer by MommaClark3 at 7:26 PM on Feb. 26, 2011

  • Yes. Just don't be angry, emotional, or putting blame anywhere. But just bare facts about issues, with an unbiased fair account from both sides, with an explanation of why it's a problem and what if anything Mom and Dad are doing about it.
    judimary

    Answer by judimary at 8:35 PM on Feb. 26, 2011

  • My estranged husband just told my DS from another marriage why we're divorcing. He told him he was weak and had an affair and that none of this was my fault. He told him that he'd been lying to us both and he's ashamed of what he's done and is so sorry he hurt us.

    DS asked me about it yesterday and all I could say was "I hope that, seeing the pain this has caused our family, you will never disrespect a girlfriend or wife like that"

    So, IMHO, if the children can learn a valuable lesson from the mistakes of your marriage, it may help them in their future relationships.
    5150mama

    Answer by 5150mama at 10:09 PM on Feb. 26, 2011

  • Not in great detail, but maybe just the basics? I'm almost 25, and my mom and stepdad are divorcing. Even at my age, the details I got were just a little too much, and it's a lot to deal with. In my case, I DID take a side. My stepdad's side. While I'm trying my best to maintain a relationship with my mother, I almost wish I didn't know the details so that things wouldn't be so strained.
    DusterMommy

    Answer by DusterMommy at 11:01 PM on Feb. 26, 2011

  • I dont think i ever would. I would maybe say we were having "issues" or "problems". Whenever you hear a story, you will always see it better from one persons point of view, and i wouldnt want my kids to be thinking about our problems, who they think is right, or what should be done to resolve it. Its not their place imo.
    Mme.Langley

    Answer by Mme.Langley at 11:39 PM on Feb. 26, 2011

  • Kids see everything, and know a lot more than you think. Answer their questions honestly, and reassure them that you both love them very much, and your relationship issues have nothing to do with them.
    rkoloms

    Answer by rkoloms at 7:11 AM on Feb. 27, 2011

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