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My ex wants me to do most of the driving even though he is the one who moved

So my ex is in the military and has been stationed about 400 miles from me and my dd, who is 4. He has been out of the country for over a year and before then he was on the other side of the country for the year before that. We are going to court next week for a visiation modification and just told me that he plans to ask the judge for me to drive her to where he is stationed one saturday a month so that he doesn't have to drive here. It would just be for the day because he lives in the barracks and can't have her spend the night. So what he is asking is that I get up on Sat morning at about 4 am, drive almost 7 hours for him to see her for 4 hours while I go find something to do then drive home another 7 hours at about 3 PM or so and get home at 10 PM for a total of over 800 miles on my car and about $100 in gas (not to mention my entire saturday is gone). This is the same guy who called less then once a month to talk to her and went a year without seeing her (he was 5 min away over the summer when he went on leave and didn't even bother to come see her). He seems to think that I am only here to make his life easier. I plan to tell the judge that I am happy to make her available to him whenever he should have her (it is supposed to be one weekend a month) but what he is asking is crazy. Am I right to feel that he needs to put some effort into having a relationship with her? Oh also, in my county, the person who moves is usually order to do all the traveling.

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JLS2388

Asked by JLS2388 at 9:21 PM on Feb. 26, 2011 in Parenting Debate

Level 25 (25,280 Credits)
Answers (16)
  • With him being in the military, was it his choice to move? If not, that's not something he can really help.
    However, at the very least he should have suggested meeting you halfway. Is he not allowed to leave the barracks on the weekends?
    None the less, you're getting a pretty short end of that stick. That's a burden of a distance to be put on your shoulders alone.
    SpaceToast

    Answer by SpaceToast at 9:28 PM on Feb. 26, 2011

  • Well, he didn't chose to move there exactly but he chose to go in the military, knowing he would have to move a lot. He can leave on weekends if he asks for leave (which they would give him 90% of the time if he asks once or twice a month and he has a vistation order from the court).
    JLS2388

    Comment by JLS2388 (original poster) at 9:43 PM on Feb. 26, 2011

  • They will more than likely make yall meet half way. My husbands ex was the first to move also and they still made us meet her. GL
    aheuszel

    Answer by aheuszel at 9:47 PM on Feb. 26, 2011

  • when he asks they will listen to him and when you get the chance to speak just state what you stated here. saying meet half a way and put up the numbers. his support might go up if he has you do all the traveling. let him know that before he states anything. put out the $$ numbers and he might change his mind and how far is that to your daughter. its obsurb. good luck.
    lambdarose

    Answer by lambdarose at 9:49 PM on Feb. 26, 2011

  • Meeting half way wouldn't make sense because if I drive halfway to drop her off, go home then drive halfway again to pick her up I'm still driving the same distance. Unless you are sugesting we just stay in the area, I guess that would work but it would still take up our entire Sat for my dd to see a man who didn't think it was worth his time to call her more then once a month
    JLS2388

    Comment by JLS2388 (original poster) at 9:50 PM on Feb. 26, 2011

  • Well, he is making an effort now. Better late than never. You sound awfully bitter. I would state what you did here when you are asked in court. The judge will take both sides into consideration when making his decision. There is no guarantee as to how the situation will turn out. Go in and hope for the best.
    bcauseimthemom

    Answer by bcauseimthemom at 9:54 PM on Feb. 26, 2011

  • Drive time and gas prices considering, meeting half way and wasting the day makes a great deal of sense when you're already talking driving all the way to the base and wasting the day, if you think of it that way.

    Of course, you could always try to see it as she's getting to spend time with him, and her time with him is worth the wasted day. I mean, you did say it was only once a month...
    SpaceToast

    Answer by SpaceToast at 9:56 PM on Feb. 26, 2011

  • I would consider it is he was willing to put forth the same effort but he isn't. I asked him if he would be wiiling to drive here once a month to see her and he said he doesn't have that kind of time
    JLS2388

    Comment by JLS2388 (original poster) at 10:06 PM on Feb. 26, 2011

  • I would let him know I didn't have that kind of time either - and if he does request it I would request more support to pay for the extra expenses he is causing you. No point in footing the bill for his laziness.
    scout_mom

    Answer by scout_mom at 10:07 PM on Feb. 26, 2011

  • He doesn't have that kind of time? Is he crazy?
    He needs to want to make that kind of time for her sake, just as he expects you to do. And I'm willing to bet that as much as you don't like the idea of him sticking you with all of the travelling, you'd still take her. But he just "doesn't have that kind of time..." That's just wrong.
    SpaceToast

    Answer by SpaceToast at 10:18 PM on Feb. 26, 2011

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