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Not sure what to do or say to alcoholic parents?

Both of my parents are alcoholics and I feel something needs to be done about it. I feel that they are adults and can live their lives as they please but with that right comes consequences. Not only do they drink and drive but I don't want my child growing up with grandparents who drink so much. Anyway we're all really concerned but nobody has really stepped up and said anything so I was thinking about having them over and really be stern with them. I feel like they need some kind of wake up call. I want them to know that we all love them very much but we're all tired of it. My question is...is this a good idea? My husband thinks it won't do any good but something has to be done. I especially don't want to see them kill or injure someone while drinking and driving. If I do talk to them how should I go about it? Sorry so long but I really need some advice!

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 11:59 AM on Nov. 20, 2008 in General Parenting

Answers (7)
  • Try going to al-anon it is a supportive group for people with a family memeber or friend that is an alchoholic. It can help you talk to them as well as support you through your decision.
    http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/
    perksmom

    Answer by perksmom at 12:30 PM on Nov. 20, 2008

  • You have the right to be concerned & should be. As far as talking to them, I would (and not to sound mean or cold, because then no one can say that you didn't step and try) let them know your concerns. But before you do, prepare yourself for the outcome be it good or bad and be ready to accept their possible denial & refusal to get help because with addicts, they're not going to get help unless they want to and hopefully it will before they get a 'wake up call" (meaning they hurt (or worse) themselves or someone else). You can even go as far as keeping your child away from them until they do and if you do, it will be hard and you may feel guilty, but keep in mind that again, they're grown and you can't force them to get help, but you can control the amount of time your child spends with them. Good luck to to you with whatever decision you make.

    LovingParent08

    Answer by LovingParent08 at 1:55 PM on Nov. 20, 2008

  • To perksmom- Thank you very much for the website!

    To lovingparent08- Good advice...thanks!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:39 PM on Nov. 20, 2008

  • No prob hun, that's what we're all here for!

    LovingParent08

    Answer by LovingParent08 at 2:56 PM on Nov. 20, 2008

  • Give them an ultimatum, stop drinking so much or you are out of their lives and stick to it, I know that all alcoholics have to hit their own rock bottom, but losing their child and grand child may be it for them. I had an alcoholic stepfather, he was sober for 8 years and then started drinking again, my mother and his children just supported it and every occasion was a drinking party. Finally (and in conjunction with another huge family crisis) I realized that the only reason that I was around them and letting my son being around them was because they are family, so I decided that I was no longer going to associate with them. It has been 6 sometimes hard years, during which my stepdad passed away and I didn't go to the funeral, but we are better off having them out of our lives.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:09 PM on Nov. 20, 2008

  • it may work but then again it may not. my moms' been drinking since she was 13 y/os old she's now 51. and no matter what any of us do she wont stop. she's been to rehab and jail (numerous times) they will have to want to quit on there own. good luck! as far as your children just don't let them be around your parents when my mom drinks my children dont see her. but when she stops we'll go over every day until she starts again. and she cant be left alone w/ the children unless she's been sober for 60-90 days. needless to say the kids have never been there w/out us.
    MAyers

    Answer by MAyers at 6:10 PM on Nov. 20, 2008

  • To Anonymous 3:09- I'm so sorry to hear that about your step-dad :( I'm thinking I'm going to have to give them an ultimatum...they care about their kids and grandkids so hopefully it works. Thanks for sharing your story and thanks for the advice!

    To MAyers- I'm sorry to hear that about your mom! I do agree that they will have to want to quit on their own...thanks for the advice!

    To LovingParent08- :)
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:52 PM on Nov. 20, 2008

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