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Is it wrong to want to do this......

So I have 4 biological children and a step-daughter who has been in my life for 6 years now, since she was 3. I want to get a Mother's ring with my kids' birthstones in it but I don't want to put hers in it. I know, I know, I will probably get alot of negative feedback because of that but to be honest, she has never really respected nor treated me like a parental figure and I am certain she won't start. She pretty much blatently is not nice to me no matter how hard I try. Her Mother is her world, which is fine, I get it. I don't nor never wanted to replace her Mother and I don't want to add her birthstone into my ring, but I feel like my husband and his family will be majorly offended by this. I don't know what to do!

Answer to a question: She does NOT call me Mom, like I said she doesn't really give me the time of day, ignores what I tell her, lies about stuff to her Dad, it's really a difficult situation. If I felt closer to her I would consider it, but she obviously doesn't like me and doesn't treat me like a parental figure at all! DH would TELL me he's fine with it then resent me in silence I know he would,


Asked by Anonymous at 1:05 PM on Feb. 27, 2011 in General Parenting

This question is closed.
Answers (12)
  • She is not your daughter. It is not offensive to not include her.


    Answer by MMXI at 1:16 PM on Feb. 27, 2011

  • Look into stackable ones. When she isn't with you, dont wear hers. That way no one can be offended

    Answer by BabyBugsmama at 1:21 PM on Feb. 27, 2011

  • I think you should ask your husband. Bottom line - it is his opinion that matters. If he thinks it's ok, go for it. If he says no, let it go. The ring is not worth strife in your relationship with him. These tough spots come with the territory of second marriages and step kids so don't make this ring a hill to die on. Good luck.

    Answer by happi-ladi at 1:14 PM on Feb. 27, 2011

  • I was thinking about a mother's ring w/only my 2 children on it. But my step kids are all adults now (21-23 years old) and my kids are only 3 and 5 so it wouldn't be offensive. But i think b/c of her age, I don't know....

    Answer by Bubbie0809 at 1:09 PM on Feb. 27, 2011

  • can you talk to your husband about it to see how he feels?

    Answer by mykidsmom86 at 1:10 PM on Feb. 27, 2011

  • It certainly won't help the situation if you leave hers out, probably push her away even more causing additional resentment. To keep the peace I would add her. Plus, it's not just her, it's your husband and his family as well.

    Answer by AntoinetteF at 1:11 PM on Feb. 27, 2011

  • Does she spend the majority of time with you or with her mother? If she is only with you for a brief amount of time, than I wouldn't think anyting of you not having her stone in the ring. However, if she is with you most of the time and you exclude her, I would be offended if I were part of that family.

    Answer by layh41407 at 1:11 PM on Feb. 27, 2011

  • I totally agree with MMXI

    Answer by mamaofficer at 1:20 PM on Feb. 27, 2011

  • Stackable ones sounds like a reasonable solution. I couldn't do it any way

    Answer by elizabr at 2:08 PM on Feb. 27, 2011

  • Honestly, I would not want her birthstone in the ring, either, but I can see how it would start all kinds of crap. I would pick a style that was designed for just the number of children YOU have and if there's mention of her not being on the ring, you would have a reason.

    Answer by scout_mom at 3:29 PM on Feb. 27, 2011