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4 Bumps

Why do I only attract men with issues? Does anyone else have this habit?

My ex-husband was a wreck, of course he didn't show his true colors until about a year after we were married. The next guy was sweet, to the point of being sad. He was a total push over and maybe it's my own issues but I can't be with a guy who doesn't have a spine. The next guy was too confident, he loved to play the field which is why we were just having a fling - also we had almost nothing to talk about - and when he wanted to have an exlusive relationship I ran the other way. The next guy was shady, I'm pretty sure he had a girlfriend but I have no proof. The next one simply stopped talking to me with no explanation. Then there was drinks with an old crush I went to school with who ended up getting back with his son's mother, then the tattoo artist who also ended up going back to his ex not long after we started up. Then finally I met a great guy, except he still had feelings for an ex...and ex who got dumped with no warning by her husband two weeks before christmas so then he dumped me to try and get with her and I love the fact that she recently told him to go to hell because she was tired of him hanging around and stalking her when she didn't want him. Last night I went out to the bar with some friends and got talking to a guy sitting next to us, he's cute...a former Marine...however he's an alcoholic, a pothead, and gambler. Drinking I can deal with, depending on what kind of drunk a person is. Smoking pot doesn't bother me and I don't know the extent of his gambling, if it's just something he does when he's got money to spare or if its something he does often. We didn't exchange numbers but he promised to meet us back at the bar in a couple weeks to celebrate our birthdays (his birthday is three days after mine).


Asked by Anonymous at 5:10 PM on Feb. 27, 2011 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (11)
  • YIKES! that is a lot of men

    maybe take a break from men all together?
    what is the ongest you went with no men, not even looking for one?

    and can i assume you have a child or children (since this is a mom site)
    just too many men, and you are planning on meeting up again woth the drunk, pot head, gambler

    set your standards a bit higher, but take a good 6 months to a year off with no men at all, spend more time with your child/children and comtemplate on yourself and why you except crappy men into your life

    a few bad apples i can understand, but your list is too long for me to advice finding a good one, i say, run from all men for as long as it takes for your to figure out that you do not need one, maybe then you will allow only the descent ones any of your time

    *just my opinion*

    Answer by fiatpax at 5:19 PM on Feb. 27, 2011

  • i never said anything about sex with them, or meeting with your family
    but if you are spending that much time and effort on men - what is left for the kids

    you listed 8 men, 9 if you include the drunk, pot head, gambler-that you plan on meeting again for birthday drinks
    sex or no sex, or even great sex with any of them.....that is too much time on men that are not worth your time at all

    *again, just my opinion*

    Answer by fiatpax at 5:53 PM on Feb. 27, 2011

  • ps
    if you do not bring assholes home to meet your family, you are aware they are assholes not worth your family time, then they are not worth your time either....unless you want to date assholes, then by all means, meet the drunk pot head with gambling problem and celebrate your birthday with him

    do you see a pattern here???maybe it is just me

    Answer by fiatpax at 5:56 PM on Feb. 27, 2011

  • you do not attract men with issues
    you are attracted to men with issues
    you seek them out!

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:57 PM on Feb. 27, 2011

  • Very True^

    Answer by Mxcxr16 at 5:23 PM on Feb. 27, 2011

  • I am going to side with fiatpax on this.
    You need a good long break from men to reevaluate what you want in life, goals and such. If you have kids make them your priority and take a year or longer off. Also re-set your standards on men other wise you'll just always have this problem.

    My own opinion as well.

    Answer by Gnomeofmyheart at 5:56 PM on Feb. 27, 2011

  • Actually my last boyfriend, the one I was with before meeting the guy at the bar, I was with him for only 3 months (from October to January) and before that the last time I was with someone was in February of 2010 so I went 8 months without a man, nor was I looking for one, and before that it was more than a year. Perhaps you misread - I did not date, or have sex with all the men I listed. I've had sex with only 3 of the 8 men I listed. Three of them I only conversated with, one of them was drinks and some conversation, but there was no sex and only light flirting. BTW, Yes I have two daughters with my ex-husband.

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 5:42 PM on Feb. 27, 2011

  • And out of these men only one of them was allowed to meet my family, I don't bring the assholes home - my last guy was actually a decent man, he just didn't know how good he could have had it.

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 5:46 PM on Feb. 27, 2011

  • While I do appreciate the advice, I'm aware its an issue I have, my ex-husband did a wonderful job screwing with my self worth and psyche in hope is too find that one good guy that matches me but I can't help but fill that void of not having that person with bad guys. Taking a long break from men didn't help, as I said I've spent several very long stretches of time without even thinking about finding a man. These dates I've been on do not take away from my children, I have shared custody with my ex-husband and the time I go out is when my kids are either with their dad for the weekend or spending time with other family or friends.

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 6:16 PM on Feb. 27, 2011

  • I personally do not think you will meet any one good in a bar (no offense to those who go there) that is just my two cents maybe you should find different place to hang out.

    Answer by sanab at 6:38 PM on Feb. 27, 2011