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Cuddling Mommy?

My hubby thinks I cuddle our 3 yr old son too much. If he falls and stuff, I soothe him and hug him and he'll latch on to me and cry even more and I'll soothe him as long as I have to. My hubby thinks I shouldn't do that so much as he seems to become more needy the more I do it. It annoys the hell out of me and sometimes I feel like telling him to put his thoughts where the sun don't shine, because that's what mothers do, they soothe!!! What do you think?

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gutterflower585

Asked by gutterflower585 at 6:44 PM on Feb. 27, 2011 in Preschoolers (3-4)

Level 17 (3,406 Credits)
Answers (12)
  • I used to soothe as long as it took but would have a happy attitude versus one of doom and gloom.. The sadder you are the longer it takes a child to recover. I was more apt to "say oh gosh, you fell. Let's make sure you are OK. Sometimes that happens. Here's a hug" Something short and sweet and then send them off to play again.
    elizabr

    Answer by elizabr at 6:53 PM on Feb. 27, 2011

  • I was doing the same thing with my DS who is only 2 and my husband and dad told me that i needed to stop doing that cause he is a boy and he needs to man up. They think he should be tough. So now i only soothe him when he gets hurt really bad. Sometime he will say ouch for no reason and i tell him to shake it off and he does a lil shake and hes says hes better lol. I also noticed that sometimes if he falls and i pretend not to see him he wont say anything but if im looking  at him he will start to wine.But yes you're right we as mothers are more nurturing then fathers ever will be.

    Christieluv0614

    Answer by Christieluv0614 at 6:57 PM on Feb. 27, 2011

  • You spoil a child by buying them whatever they want and not teaching them responsibility. You do not spoil a child with unconditional love or by meeting their needs. Raising Our Children, Raising Ourselves is a wonderful parenting book http://www.naomialdort.com/


     

    rkoloms

    Answer by rkoloms at 7:03 PM on Feb. 27, 2011

  • No way you are not! enjoy it they are only this little once. I am a very affectionate Mother and always kissing & hugging my kids. If one of them fall I pick them up & say "you're okay" big hug & kiss to make them feel better. Nothing wrong with loving your babies.
    sarasmommy777

    Answer by sarasmommy777 at 7:11 PM on Feb. 27, 2011

  • I agree thats what mommys do! My hubby understands and we don't believe in the "man up" theory. Its okay to cry especially when you are hurt and as one poster said they are only little once. Pretty soon they will all be teenage boys who can't stand their mommys!
    mslksdh

    Answer by mslksdh at 9:37 PM on Feb. 27, 2011

  • with my ds, he's pretty tough on his own....if he cries after a fall we know he's hurt and imediatly go to him but we try not to let him get whinny. what you can do if you want to break him of this habit, is to leave him for a few mins and see if he stops, f he doesnt after maybe 2 mins, go to him.
    dreamangel06

    Answer by dreamangel06 at 9:47 PM on Feb. 27, 2011

  • I don't expect my boys to not cry or want a hug if they get hurt. They are young and mom's fix everything! I always give them a hug, check the injury, hold them a bit and they are usually good to go. I don't let it drag on and on but I do fix it as best I can!
    khedy

    Answer by khedy at 11:35 PM on Feb. 27, 2011

  • I think there needs to be a balance. I don't want a kid who can't rely on me to take care of them, but I dont' want a kid that will cry over everything either. When my kids get hurt, I determine what happened and how badly they may be hurt. For example, my daughter tripped and ran into the wall. I knew she wasn't seriously hurt or anything so I turned into a joke. I asked her if she had broke my wall which she thought was funny. So instead of crying and having me rush to her aid, she learned that accidents happen, but little bumps aren't worth worrying over. Now if she is really hurt, I will hold her and snuggle her and just be what she needs to me to be.

    lovebugs_mom

    Answer by lovebugs_mom at 12:33 AM on Feb. 28, 2011

  • Im the same way. and you know what my son away from doesn't cry with most of his falls but with me he does. My husband doesn't get on me, but he sees that its only me he wants. I don't see a big deal with it cause if he wants hugs and snuggles thats fine. But he knows away from me how to be a little man. My son is 4 and in preschool, and he doesn't do that at school, but he wants my attention and cuddles and thats fine.
    whoreallycares

    Answer by whoreallycares at 4:32 AM on Feb. 28, 2011

  • I agree with lovebugs mom. My kids are 8 and 6 today. They still have times when they just need that good cuddling - even my 8 year old who swears he's too big for things like hugs and kisses. ;) However, there are times fussing over a stumble or whatever it is makes it worse than it really is. Even when they were younger, we'd assess the situation and gauge how much fuss to make over it. A little stumble didn't get a big fuss. It got "Oops! You're ok." and then on to distraction. A cut or scrape or whatever got an appropriate amount of attention. If I make a fuss, they take the whole thing as being worse than it may really be. I tend to take a breathe and see how they're responding and act accordingly. Yeah, I'm there to comfort - but I'm also there to teach them to be resilient.

    In the end, of course, you do what feels right to your family.
    ldmrmom

    Answer by ldmrmom at 12:16 PM on Feb. 28, 2011

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