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What can I do?

I have a good friend that I have not seen and rarely hear from since she got with a new guy and its worrying me. Just little things. She deleted her myspace account which she had spent a lot of time on and was very proud of it. She doesnt call me anymore and doesnt answer my calls. She used to check in on the family and I often to see how we are doing at least one text every couple days. Now I have to initiate conversation on text and it takes her forever to get back to me and she just writes short blurbs. I asked her what happened to her myspace and she said "I deleted it I didnt want it anymore" so I just replied "oh okay. Are you still able to make it to my shower sunday? Ill come pick you up if I have to."


Asked by LovinEveryDay at 1:57 PM on Nov. 20, 2008 in Relationships

Level 1 (3 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (6)
  • i get a sense that she is in an abusive controlling relationship. it is normal for friends to get scarce in new relationships, but something seems off. i think your intuition is your best guide. can you go see her at work without getting her in trouble? let her know you miss her and ask her questions about what they do for fun, etc. i'm sure you'll be able to tell. unfortunately it doesn't sound like she knows what a healthy relationship looks like, so there may not be alot you can do except be supportive. best of luck to you and your friend.

    Answer by figaro8895 at 2:30 PM on Nov. 20, 2008

  • Cont: She only replied "I have to work." She had already said she would come and usually when plans change she would always let me know. She moved in with him and I am not sure where. Her parents beat her growing up and I am afraid for her that she is putting up with it in her adult life too.

    Answer by LovinEveryDay at 1:58 PM on Nov. 20, 2008

  • does sound like this is the case but what can you do? you don't know where she lives or can even get a text from her.i would just text this: honey i'm really worried about you cause you don't seem to be yourself anymore. is anything wrong with us?

    she may feel bad then for letting you down and if it is her bf then she would mostly say it's him unless she got upset with you for some unknown reason to you. my girl friend says she stopped texting a friend of ours cause she got mad at her but i can't tell her that cause i don't want her mad at me. so maybe she is mad at you for some reason. although i doubt it. other then that you can't do much.

    Answer by melody77 at 2:15 PM on Nov. 20, 2008

  • Sounds like she's in a very controlling relationship at best. You need to find her and find out what is going on. But, unfortunately there isn't much you can do if she doesn't want to be rescued.

    Answer by amydh at 2:15 PM on Nov. 20, 2008

  • Try to make it seem like you are happy for her by asking if he is the one and telling her that she seems like she is really in love this time. If that does not open her up. Then let her know that you are still her friend and have noticed some change in her that is cause for concern. It does sound like he may be controlling her. If she grew up with beatings she may not realize that adulthood does not have to be like that. 


    Answer by wmbeener at 2:30 PM on Nov. 20, 2008

  • I am glad I am not the only one that thinks this. She wouldnt give me her new address but I will see if she will tell me where she works. I asked her if she is okay because I was worried about her and that I thought she was acting different and she said she is fine. I dont want to ask too many questions if he is sitting right there. I hope it is all coincidence but I dont think so. Thank you all. This was ALL really good advice! One of these ideas is bound to work:)

    Answer by LovinEveryDay at 2:53 PM on Nov. 20, 2008