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4 Bumps

Is my daughter gay? adult content

When my daughter was 11-13 she had a huge crush on a 17 year old boy who bowled on her league. She was pretty much obsessed with him and we of course didn't allow it due to the age difference. She would sneak and see him. When she was 13 her girl friend kissed her. From that time on she has been confused about her sexuality. She has had a couple of "boyfriends" since the 17 year old and the kiss but nothing major. We hired an 18 year old boy at our business and we noticed she would spend a lot more time getting ready, putting on make-up (she normally doesn't) & tried to be around him at our business. He chose one of my daughters friends to ask out and my daughter was crushed but didn't want anyone to know it. Now my daughter says she is gay, she is sure she is gay and that she has NEVER liked a boy. She says she never liked any of them???? My daughter is the type to do whatever her friends do such as wear whatever kind of clothes the "group" she is hanging around with wears. She also had some new friends that played softball so she decided she wanted to play and announced she had always wanted to. I had never heard her mention it but she says her friends had nothing to do with her choice to play. It's just whatever her "current" group seems to be doing that seems to be what she is interested in. Her current group of friends consists of two gay guys, one very open minded girl friend whom I'm not sure of her sexual orientation but assume anything goes with her, a few straight girls and one very gay girl. The very gay girl has told my daughter she likes her. My daughter has announced she is gay and always has been. Help me figure out what to do! I am angry. I don't believe she has always been gay but can't imagine anything my friends could have done to make me even pretend to be gay or announce I was if I wasn't. Does my daughter need to "fit in" to this extreme or is she gay? I can't accept it I'm sorry. If she were 18 and chose to be gay I would learn to accept it but she is 16. I want to fight it tooth and nail but am scared of what I might do to my daughter. I also mentioned scripture to my daughter and her words to me were this girl is worth going to hell for! This is not the daughter I know talking. Please help if anyone has any idea what I should do.

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jademi

Asked by jademi at 3:06 AM on Feb. 28, 2011 in Teens (13-17)

Level 2 (12 Credits)
Answers (23)
  • I know you are confused, upset, maybe even a bit scared. after all, being gay is not the happiest life sometimes. with the hate and judgement that can go on about it. but your daughter is 16 and what she declares right now, well if could be where her sexuality really is. or it could be subject yet to change. i can only guess what i would do at a time like this, i think maybe just ignoring it? just loving her, listening and supporting what she has to say? You can support her without giving in on your own basic beliefs. if you believe deep down inside its a sin, i would keep that deep down inside. support and love your duaghter. i know at 16 i usually declared something or other and if my mom reacted negatively i would dig in even more, even if i did not truly believe what i had said or claimed. i woudl say dont make it a battle of wills with her. dont make it something she can declare her rebellion over. mom i am gay, that is
    Satiblue

    Answer by Satiblue at 3:18 AM on Feb. 28, 2011

  • -cont that is nice dear now pass the peas. do you know what i am trying to say? i hope i am explaining it right.
    Satiblue

    Answer by Satiblue at 3:18 AM on Feb. 28, 2011

  • Your daughter is young. In my opinion you can't judge whether or not your gay until you can do the nitty gritty with the same sex. Don't be angry, she's exploring the possibility of things which is fine; however, at her age she really needs to get a hobby, get into sports or something and stop becoming obsessed with her sexuality.
    legalmommy101

    Answer by legalmommy101 at 3:20 AM on Feb. 28, 2011

  • Thank you for the comment. I get it! I really want to ignore it but she continues to want to have these gay girls come to the house or wants to hang out with them. My fear is she will do things with this girl that will "change who she is" even if she isn't gay. I am afraid she will later be ashamed of herself, she may just live a gay lifestyle because she feels like she would have too and so on. If she were 18 and told me she was gay I would say pass the peas but at 16 it's a big game changer. I am seriosly considering making her go to a private christian high school next fall. I feel I have to do all I can to redirect her thoughts. I truly believe she would follow some of her friends right off a cliff if they wanted her too. She is convinced in her own mind she is gay but I'm not convinced. Now what???
    jademi

    Comment by jademi (original poster) at 3:23 AM on Feb. 28, 2011

  • If she is inviting gay friends over then the same rules need to apply just as if she had invited a group of straight boys over and she was straight. A change in school won't help, especially in a school where she will be made to wear a big letter G for I'm gay or worse, S for sinner. You don't want to give your daughter any reason to want to be gay other than she really is. Teens rebel, and if you push her by changing her schools, trying to talk her out of it, taking away her gay friends, you will be pushing her right into that direction just to spite you. Set up strict rules, she needs hobbies, a job , volunteer, something to keep her busy. She has way too much time on her hands.

    legalmommy101

    Answer by legalmommy101 at 3:29 AM on Feb. 28, 2011

  • " My daughter has announced she is gay Help me figure out what to do! I am angry."


    I don't understand why you're angry. I've read your post a few times and understand that she's gone back and forth with this, but consider the hormones that are raging within her at 16.. It's a very confusing time.


    " I can't accept it I'm sorry. If she were 18 and chose to be gay I would learn to accept it but she is 16."


    Why can't you accept it? What about unconditional love for your children?? People don't "CHOOSE" to be gay. IMHO, what she needs now is for you to sit down with her and explain that you love her whether she's straight, bi or gay and you will always be there and support her It doesn't matter how high you

    5150mama

    Answer by 5150mama at 5:16 AM on Feb. 28, 2011

  • Sorry, got cut off .......... What I was trying to say is that it doesn't matter how high you build that wall, you'll never be able to keep her from seeing any friends she wants. You can forbid her to bring them home, but she'll only rebel and still hang out with them and will be angry with you at the same time. Good luck with this!!!

    5150mama

    Answer by 5150mama at 5:19 AM on Feb. 28, 2011

  • I don't think she is gay. She might be bisexual or just experimental or simply following the crowd. But I also don't think fighting it will do any good. She is following the trend but she probably wants to be taken seriously and/or believes herself. If you fight it "tooth and nail" that will probably push her further into accepting that identity for herself as she will be the gay teen whose parents don't accept her choice. If she has your blessing, she will probably figure out that she has a crush on another guy herself at some point. My step-sister did (I don't doubt my step-sister, I think she would have to be bisexual to have the long relationships with girls that she did, but I also think being bisexual is not so abnormal, most people probably are to some extent, and she started it because it was a big trend in her clique, now she has been with a guy for two years). I don't think this is something that you are going to
    Bellarose0212

    Answer by Bellarose0212 at 6:15 AM on Feb. 28, 2011

  • be able to talk her out of.
    Bellarose0212

    Answer by Bellarose0212 at 6:15 AM on Feb. 28, 2011

  • Can I just please say something about your fear with scripture. The Old Testament says that homosexuality is an abomination. But it also says eating shellfish and many other listed animals is an abomination. Also being around a woman on her period is an abomination. There are probably many Old Testament rules which you and your daughter already violate. You probably fear homosexuality more than those other things because people make a big deal out of homosexuality being sinful (which is often out of fear). Nobody carries a sign about people who chose to eat lobster. If you are a Christian, Jesus' "do unto others..." golden rule is probably more applicable now. If she is in love with a girl or thinks she is in love with a girl, it's no different than if she thought she were in love with a boy. Standing in the way will make it forbidden love and so much sweeter. Not standing in the way, it will take it's course like many
    Bellarose0212

    Answer by Bellarose0212 at 6:23 AM on Feb. 28, 2011

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