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He won't bathe or groom his hair, and I'm done! Help?

I have been with my boyfriend for 8 years, and I'm at the point where I can deal with some of his "issues" He hasn't bathed in days and is really sweaty...he hasn't cut his hair in a few months, his beard is scraggly and gross. I try to tell him that he needs to take care of basic grooming, but he says I should accept him for who he is. Huh? If I walked around stinky, with nasty facial hair he'd be totally embarrassed.

I think he's gotten to a place where he is complacent in the relationship, and so do I. We don't passionately kiss anymore, we rarely have sex, when he comes over to visit, we wind up watching tv all evening. We can't go out for "dates" because we don't have a regular babysitter.

I've mentioned the possibility of marriage-I mean, why not? We have a child together, we've been together for a long time. But he says he's "not ready for that kind of commitment! WTF? If he's not ready to commit, then why are we still together?

I don't know what to do. He's a great dad, but a lousy lover.
What do I do?


Asked by Anonymous at 7:11 AM on Feb. 28, 2011 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (7)
  • Leave for a bit. That will let him know how serious you are.

    Answer by samurai_chica at 7:20 AM on Feb. 28, 2011

  • What you have said about him would make me not want to be with him. 8 years is a long time and if he doesnt see himself committed to you like a married couple then I really dont know what to say. On top of it him not taking care of himself would totally turn me off. I would lay everything on the table and tell him what you want and let him make the decision where to go from here. If he doesnt change or try to then you can leave knowing you tried and told him how you felt.

    Answer by gemgem at 7:42 AM on Feb. 28, 2011

  • You deserve better than this. What you mention would be a deal breaker for me. Reconsider if this is the way you want things to be forever and do what is best for you.

    Answer by elizabr at 7:19 AM on Feb. 28, 2011

  • move on, leave him

    Answer by Jssg1986 at 11:53 AM on Feb. 28, 2011

  • Now, I like a sexy, somewhat grubby man, but that's gross.

    Answer by tastymama at 2:44 PM on Feb. 28, 2011

  • He's been there for me through so much, and I've tried to be patient, but he just won't commit. He keeps saying there's no spark in our relationship, that we act more like friends, etc, but he doesn't want to break up.

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 5:09 PM on Feb. 28, 2011

  • leave him, if he isn't ready for marriage now he'll never be ready.
    you deserve better than this.
    good luck!

    Answer by xLeeAnnex at 5:09 PM on Feb. 28, 2011