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What should be done?

my best friend is living with her bf and they have two kids together and they both have 2 kids from a previous marriage, when it comes to his kids he will not do any disipline or say anything to them because as he says he doesn''t get to see them that much. he will not listen to her at all, they have stolen things, he won't even say anything about thier bad grades, or one not showering like they should, and one is 12 and still wets the bed every night. he will not say or do anything. I think its all going to blow up in his face and they are really going to rebell as teenagers.
What would you do?


Asked by jenn4443 at 10:43 AM on Feb. 28, 2011 in General Parenting

Level 23 (18,409 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (10)
  • It's tough on your friend, but I feel he's too tolerant with his elder kids because of GUILT...
    He is the father of all 4 kids, so we can't argue that he loves the other 2 more than his little ones with your friend.

    Here's the 3 options your friend has :
    1. The more your friend complains about HIS kids, the more he will defend them and tolerate anything they do.
    2. If she tries to love them more and explain to him that SHE CARES FOR THEIR UPBRINGING, THAT'S WHY SHE MAY BE STRICT AT TIMES, yet she can reward them by being super nice to HIS kids when they behave, he will relax and stop spoiling them.

    3. He's got 2 kids from previous marriage. If she can't cope with this reality, she might as well leave him...

    Answer by lillyblue111 at 11:04 AM on Mar. 2, 2011

  • If they were living with me I would gently start making some needed changes. My house my rules.

    Answer by meooma at 10:48 AM on Feb. 28, 2011

  • I wouldn't be with him anymore. Relationship OVER.

    Answer by gdiamante at 10:47 AM on Feb. 28, 2011

  • bedwetting isn't due to rebelling. It's probably due to fear but to answer your question, I wouldn't have to do anything. I wouldn't be with someone like that. It sounds like your friend has put up with this for years so sort of late to do something now.

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:48 AM on Feb. 28, 2011

  • i had the same situation with my dh and his kids before we got married. we lived together for ten years. he got his boys every other weekend and these kids got away with eveerything. things that they all were doing my kids would get in trouble for and he said nothing to his kids. there was alot of fighting and alot of hurt feelings,but in the long run i won cuz now they are all adults my kids have never been in trouble my daughter graduated last year with honors has a job and is looking for her own place. both of his boys were on probation in their teens neither one has a job the oldest quit school at 17 cant get a job cuz he has an underage on his record. really i have been so proud of my children through the years. and there is nothing his sons have done that he can be proud of . so in the end it will all come back and he'll be the sorry one

    Answer by jodi205 at 10:50 AM on Feb. 28, 2011

  • He is not doing his kids any favors by letting them get away with things, as the older they get the worse and more set their behavior will be-- and the harder it will be to change them. Kids need to have rules, limits and consequences for their behaviors and actions. If I were your friend I would tell him either he step up and start being a parent to his kids, or else she and her kids (and the 'shared' kids) will leave. She and her kids should not have to put up with his kids and their bad behaviors.

    Answer by MizLee at 10:51 AM on Feb. 28, 2011

  • As for bedwetting that could be due to a lot of things-- he may have health problems (physical, emotional/mental) , he may have an immature bladder some kids do wet the bed into their teens (my son is 14 and still wets at night), maybe he is a deep sleeper and just does not wake up in time. I would suggest the child see a doctor and see what can be done. There are bedwetting medication that might help- I plan to ask my son's doctor about it at next visit. Right now we have my son's mattress covered in plastic, and he wears depends to bed- to help with the bedwetting.

    Answer by MizLee at 10:56 AM on Feb. 28, 2011

  • Sorry, i meeant he wets the bed at 12 and neither parents will say anything or do anything to try to solve the problem. and it really frustrates my friend because she is always pushing for him to take him to the doctor and he won't.

    Comment by jenn4443 (original poster) at 10:49 AM on Feb. 28, 2011

  • Bedwetting isnt because the kid is rebelling. I would try and find out if there is a physical reason causing this, if not it could be emotional. As for anything else I cant really blame him I guess. I have seen alot of non custodial parents trying to make the most of their time with their kids and not want to deal with the day to day mess the custodial parent caused (bad grades etc). That sounds more like a problem at home, and what good is he really going to do in telling them something in his short time with them? Instead I would ask him to talk to their mom. Try and find out what is going on and what can be done to help so things are consistent.

    Answer by gemgem at 10:51 AM on Feb. 28, 2011

  • I think that you are asking what should you do. You either have to stay out of it or try and discuss it with him. It depends on you and your relationship.

    Answer by tootoobusy at 10:51 AM on Feb. 28, 2011