Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

2 Bumps

I dont know where to go from here.

I have decided I am done with my relationship. I am with my daughters dad, we are not married but have been living together for a few years. During that time, I have mostly been a stay at home mom. Now my plan is to get into the local college and get a degree for psychology. Here are my problems:
* I dont know where to start to apply for grants or financial aide, and think I will need help filling out FASFA stuff. Where can I get help?
* I have no car, no money, no public or friends/family to help with transportation or babysitting. So I will have to stay here until I can get through school and get a job and a car, and then a place.
* I would like to move out before then...we are talking staying in a situation I dont need to be in (he is NOT abusive in case thats what you are thinking...not physically, and I'm tough enough to ignore his mental abuse, thats not the problem) for YEARS, which is not whats best for my daughter! I do not want her to see/hear/deal with this for another couple of years. It would be better if we each got her at separate times of the day/week. So, anyway, I'm wondering if there is a way to get help financially to get me out of here sooner. I'm not asking for a hand out, I just need temporary help, I'm not the type to be down long, I'll fight to get ahead. What I would need is, schooling, possibly childcare, and help with an apartment. I dont know where to start to find this help. Do I go to the school and ask for a councillor to walk me through it all? Is that their job? Or do I go up to social services and ask them to help with a place, move out, and then go to the school? I plan to work at least part time to help myself so that I dont need much help, but I know I cant do this without any help at all.
* Would you stay or would you try to get out if you honestly felt like being there was only making things worse for everyone involved? If you knew that no matter what you did it wouldn't help? If you had given it your all for the last few years and fought tooth and nail to make it better but very little had changed? If you were flat out told that he had no intention of ever marrying you or treating you any better than he does because he doesnt want to? What would you do? Would you stay and put up with it? Would you sacrifice your life so that your kid could have both parents? What if having both parents together was not as good as having both parents separately?

Does anyone know what I should do?

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 12:38 PM on Feb. 28, 2011 in Relationships

Answers (8)
  • i'm in a very similar boat. wish i could help

    Answer by juliness at 12:42 PM on Feb. 28, 2011

  • I wouldnt stay with someone I didnt want to be with just because I didnt have a job or car. I would see about using the next couple of weeks to go to the local college and they help you with FAFSA themselves. You can also do it online, but most times you need the name of the college you plan on going to first.
    As for psychology as an aside I would discourage you from it only bc I have that degree and unless you plan to get a Masters itll be hard to find a job to use that degree with. I know friends working at Zales with Bachelors in Psych. Go for something like Human Services which covers psych but would get you a job really anywhere.

    Remember a clean break is the best. You are hurting everyone by staying longer. I got a job waitressing tables when I left my ex and went to college. It was hard, but I figured it out. I think it was for the best too.

    Answer by gemgem at 12:43 PM on Feb. 28, 2011

  • Go to the financial aid office of the school you're looking at. They'll help you with all the paperwork.

    As for the relationship I'm not sure what to suggest.

    Answer by Rosehawk at 12:43 PM on Feb. 28, 2011

  • Talk to the college counslers as that is their job. They can walk you thru what you need to do to get aide. Also social service, WIC, etc and see what help you can get. Many times they can help you find a place to live as well as help orivde food, babysitters, etc. I've never had problems with people getting this type of help as long as they don't abuse it. Go to college get a job and start paying back. That's what it's supposed to be about.

    I'd never stay together for the sake of the kids. With my ex we didn't divorce until the kids were in their teens and they told me they wished we had divorced sooner. They knew neither of us was happy and they had seen how he treated me. Also, abuse is abuse regardless of what type it is. Physical and mental abuse both do damage. As a foster mom I firmly believe that the mental is worse then the physical abuse.

    Answer by baconbits at 12:46 PM on Feb. 28, 2011

  • I've lived with different types of abuse my whole life. I can handle it. Its annoying and he gets his butt chewed for it, but it doesnt really hurt me. Maybe because I know that no matter what he might say when he's mad, when it comes down to it, I know he loves me...he puts up with me being quite ugly to him, he does his best to give us all a good life and he's not a horrible person, he's a good guy, he and I just shouldnt be together, the results are usually ugly.

    gemgem, I want to be an actually psychologist...I actually really want to be a life coach and help people better themselves (ironic isnt it that I cant help myself but I want to help others. I'll learn how to help them and myself 1st though lol) but the average pay for that position is $30k a year. I could make that flipping burgers. I need something that is going to be substantial in helping provide a life for my daughter. I was thinking of going for my masters.

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 1:39 PM on Feb. 28, 2011

  • Hugs. When going through something like this. Get information then just keep doing the next thing necessary, It is easy to get overwhelmed when you try to figure out everything at once. Just keep moving forward and stay logical instead of emotional. Keep reminding yourself that "right now" you. A journey starts with a single step. Keep your thoughts positive and rise about the fears of the unknown. :-)

    Answer by LeJane at 1:50 PM on Feb. 28, 2011

  • Thanks

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 2:17 PM on Feb. 28, 2011

  • Turns out, my school no longer offers psychology : ( Thats where I took it before, guess I'm going to have to take all of my basic courses there and then transfer : ( !!!!!

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 11:25 AM on Mar. 1, 2011

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.