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My son's first birthday party is coming up....

I'm gonna need to give background info, so please bear with me. I have a sister with three kids and a brother with four kids. My brother's kids are darlings, and all have their birthdays really close together, so they love having their "birthday" on the same day with a huge party and presents for all of them at once. They get one special present on their actual birthday. They open every gift and exclaim over it and thank the giver without even being asked to by their parents ( and at 5,4,3, and new, that is just AMAZING!)
My sister's kids all have their own special day, since their birthdays are far apart and they don't like to share anything. They are given presents by everyone and barely get a hole in the paper to see what the gift is before literally throwing the gift aside ( not even unwrapped yet) and diving for the next present. They NEVER say thank you, even when ordered to, and never show any appreciation for their gifts ( which honestly makes buying and giving their gifts an unpleasant chore, while buying gifts for my brother's kids is an absolute joy ).
Now for the problem: My sister's son is 7, and is extremely rude and loud, always having to be the center of attention at every family gathering. At my brother's kids birthday party last year, he refused to stay in his seat, and hovered over the birthday kids, commentating loudly about his own birthday, which wasn't for months. He asked over and over to open "just one" present, took presents out of each birthday child's hands as they opened them, and was in EVERY SINGLE photograph that six different cameras were taking of the birthday kids opening their presents. I mean, they didn't have ONE picture of their kids opening presents on their birthday.
My baby's first birthday is coming up in a month, and I really want it to be special for him. Not tons of gifts, just a few special things that he'd really like. I feel that a kid's birthday is THEIR day and they should be the center of attention and have their picture taken a million times all happy. However, we live in a TINY apartment and can't have the family party here, so my parents have offered to have it at their big house. Unfortunately, my sister and her kids live there too, and there is NO WAY to avoid having this kid at the party. I just know that if he butts his head into all my pictures and ruins my baby's fist birthday I will not be able to be polite about it. My sister does not see how rude her son is and doesn't believe in any kind of discepline at all. I don't want to not have a party for my son, but I also don't want to start the fight that my temper is going to when this inevitable thing happens.....Please help with any ideas? We have a very small budget and can't even afford a small hall for the occassion. It's family home or no party at this point :( Do you think I should try talking to her before the party? Keeping in mind that any discussion about her kids rude manners insults her to the point where she just won't talk to you for months....Is it worth having the discussion anyway and facing the wrath of a defensive mom? Please, supermoms, help!!


Asked by alphamom26 at 12:50 PM on Feb. 28, 2011 in General Parenting

Level 17 (3,274 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (7)
  • Does your apartment complex have a Communal room you could reserve? I would also talk with your sister before hand and tell her flat out, keep her brat on a tight leash or you're going to do it for her. That this party is for YOUR son NOT hers. Nicely of course. Then on that day, when the brat steps out of line take him by the hand and lead him to his mom and tell him to stay with her since he can't control himself.

    My husband's family is HUGE (siblings and cousins alone are 40ish people). All the grown ups have no problem telling any of the cousins to get the heck out of the way, nicely of course. My children have 12 cousins to play with, aged 19ish to 1ish.

    Answer by Rosehawk at 12:56 PM on Feb. 28, 2011

  • just let her know that you dont want any kids "helping" and you want it to be special for you son and if she can't control her children then they can stay home..

    Answer by josiesmommy00 at 12:54 PM on Feb. 28, 2011

  • josiesmommy00 that's the problem though, this brat that alphamom26 is talking about LIVES IN the house where the party is going to be.

    Answer by Rosehawk at 1:00 PM on Feb. 28, 2011

  • No communal room, its just a regular apartment in an old house :( Our family is HUGE, too :) We can never include cousins, since we have over 60 first cousins and they all together have over 100 kids :) I have 7 siblings. My hubby has 2. So far, my kids have 9 cousins, but the way some of them are we aren't going to be able to let our kids play with them. I really want to be able to just drag the monster away from my baby. I just have a horrible temper where my baby is concerned (like most moms) and we come from a quiet, polite family that would never say anything rude to each other. My brother didn't tell my sister off for her kid ruining his kids party, he just kinda let it slide:( I wish he hadn't, because then maybe my sister would have gotten the idea that her kids antics aren't welcome in good society. I love my sister, but her parenting leaves something to be desired :(

    Comment by alphamom26 (original poster) at 1:04 PM on Feb. 28, 2011

  • well i'd have ot somewhere else if they couldn't, excuse me, wouldn't control the child

    Answer by josiesmommy00 at 1:07 PM on Feb. 28, 2011

  • What about just having the grandparents over for a nice dinner at your apartment? Or you could try to schedule it when you know the sister and her kids will be gone....

    Answer by bethany169 at 1:19 PM on Feb. 28, 2011

  • I have cousins like this-on my mom's side. I don't really get along with that side of the family. They don't believe in boundaries and belittle me for disciplining my son...even though he's more well behaved than half the adults.

    I'd go along with what RoseHawk said.

    Answer by erinwhitt at 1:35 PM on Feb. 28, 2011