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My son's first birthday.... Second posting-I need more help! :)

I'm gonna need to give background info, so please bear with me. I have a sister with three kids and a brother with four kids. My brother's kids are darlings, and all have their birthdays really close together, so they love having their "birthday" on the same day with a huge party and presents for all of them at once. They get one special present on their actual birthday. They open every gift and exclaim over it and thank the giver without even being asked to by their parents ( and at 5,4,3, and new, that is just AMAZING!)
My sister's kids all have their own special day, since their birthdays are far apart and they don't like to share anything. They are given presents by everyone and barely get a hole in the paper to see what the gift is before literally throwing the gift aside ( not even unwrapped yet) and diving for the next present. They NEVER say thank you, even when ordered to, and never show any appreciation for their gifts ( which honestly makes buying and giving their gifts an unpleasant chore, while buying gifts for my brother's kids is an absolute joy ).
Now for the problem: My sister's son is 7, and is extremely rude and loud, always having to be the center of attention at every family gathering. At my brother's kids birthday party last year, he refused to stay in his seat, and hovered over the birthday kids, commentating loudly about his own birthday, which wasn't for months. He asked over and over to open "just one" present, took presents out of each birthday child's hands as they opened them, and was in EVERY SINGLE photograph that six different cameras were taking of the birthday kids opening their presents. I mean, they didn't have ONE picture of their kids opening presents on their birthday.
My baby's first birthday is coming up in a month, and I really want it to be special for him. Not tons of gifts, just a few special things that he'd really like. I feel that a kid's birthday is THEIR day and they should be the center of attention and have their picture taken a million times all happy. However, we live in a TINY apartment and can't have the family party here, so my parents have offered to have it at their big house. Unfortunately, my sister and her kids live there too, and there is NO WAY to avoid having this kid at the party. I just know that if he butts his head into all my pictures and ruins my baby's fist birthday I will not be able to be polite about it. My sister does not see how rude her son is and doesn't believe in any kind of discepline at all. I don't want to not have a party for my son, but I also don't want to start the fight that my temper is going to when this inevitable thing happens.....Please help with any ideas? We have a very small budget and can't even afford a small hall for the occassion. It's family home or no party at this point :( Do you think I should try talking to her before the party? Keeping in mind that any discussion about her kids rude manners insults her to the point where she just won't talk to you for months....Is it worth having the discussion anyway and facing the wrath of a defensive mom? Please, supermoms, help!!

 
alphamom26

Asked by alphamom26 at 1:18 PM on Feb. 28, 2011 in General Parenting

Level 17 (3,274 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (3)
  • Easy answer. TWO parties. The first is you, dad and baby. THAT is the "real" celebration with the cake and photos.

    Let grandma throw her party. That's just a family gathering. Baby won't remember any of it anyway. First birthday parties are for the parents, not the kids. Don't even bother with photos.

    I'd also open gifts at home.
    gdiamante

    Answer by gdiamante at 1:26 PM on Feb. 28, 2011

  • i agree the baby won't remember any of it. you could give your nephew the camera and make him the party photographer. then he won't be in the pictures, just make sure that someone else is taking the pictures that you really want! some 1 yo's can't open presents yet, so you could model for your nephew how to help a baby open their presents...keeping the focus on the baby, always letting the baby see what is going on. if your baby is really not into the presents, maybe each of your nieces and nephews could open one. don't go into this looking for a fight, you really want to enjoy that day.
    happy2bmom25

    Answer by happy2bmom25 at 1:46 PM on Feb. 28, 2011

  • The fact that the baby won't remember it isn't the thing. I will remember it, and I will lose my temper, and that isn't the way I want to remember the day. We can't open all the gifts at home because all of the aunts and uncles and grandparents will be giving him presents and he will have to open them there so the givers can enjoy his reaction to their gift. Thats a great idea to give the 7 year old a camera! I think we will try that, but as far as letting him "help" that is actually part of the kids problem. He thinks that he HAS to be the center of attention, and I want him to learn asap that he isn't going to be where MY kids are concerned. I don't want to make this into a fight, but if I don't stand up for my son this time, my sister isn't going to make any attempt to change for the next birthday, which my baby WILL remember. I feel like we need to make a stand this year so we won't have to when the baby will remember it.
    alphamom26

    Comment by alphamom26 (original poster) at 3:51 PM on Feb. 28, 2011