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HELP!!! PLEASE!! ADVICE

me and my SO have a baby girl (9mo) anyways, we always end up fighting and we never seem to solve anything, well its just gotten to where we feel like we aren't going anywhere...

What can i do to fix this..

i feel like he is living 2 different live (im a SAHM) and he is still going to college/working. im trying to be understanding on the fact that he a life with friends and all of mine have gone there own way. but im having a hard time and its to the point where its breaking real FAST!

what can i do??

Answer Question
 
stephany21

Asked by stephany21 at 3:37 PM on Nov. 20, 2008 in Relationships

Level 1 (0 Credits)
Answers (10)
  • i mean we are breaking fast.. we're at the VERY end of the ropes for eachother and are about to just walk out.. i want this to work out, but i dont know where to start for us
    stephany21

    Answer by stephany21 at 3:38 PM on Nov. 20, 2008

  • Get a job and split the child raising responsibilities with him. Get your own work/school friends. Or go hang out with him and his buddies.
    prettyrayray

    Answer by prettyrayray at 3:41 PM on Nov. 20, 2008

  • Tell him that you don't feel like the two of you are working on one life anymore...like you each have your own agenda. Sit down with him and establish the goals of your relationship...what do you want it to be like? Set aside family time (at least 1 day a week, or maybe dinner time every night...depending on what works for you). Most of all, tell him that you don't want to give up...you owe it to your baby to try everything possible first. Good luck.
    Kimebs

    Answer by Kimebs at 3:41 PM on Nov. 20, 2008

  • First you have to BOTH decide that you either want it or you don't. If one does and one does not, it'll never work. Second, should you both make the choice to work on it, negotiate - talk about whats important to each of you. Commit to time for JUST YOU and time for JUST US and time for JUST ME. Its all important. Plan time away from the baby as a couple and find an activity you can both be passionate about. Good luck hun! As a wife of almost 24 years, its tough, and not at all easy, but SO worth it when you both work toward the same goal of being happy together.
    jjandjsmomma

    Answer by jjandjsmomma at 3:43 PM on Nov. 20, 2008

  • I have a GREAT book I'd love to suggest.... however it's written by a Christian and rubs a lot of women the wrong way. If you'd like to know the title, and read an excerpt, you can message me =)
    dedicatedrider

    Answer by dedicatedrider at 4:01 PM on Nov. 20, 2008

  • I think that happens to alot of us.I think alot of us have kids and our friends don't have kids so they don't want to hang out anymore.Or what they want to do to do you can't do with a baby.Anyways you need to sit down and before you start talking tell him no fighting.To hear you out and then he can talk.You could also look into play groups to meet moms your age.Heck start one on Cafemom.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:11 PM on Nov. 20, 2008

  • having to deal with a baby is hard... if you both want to work it out you need to stop the bleeding and just deal with the realities of the situation in an honest way without drama, without blame. just be honest about your feelings and your expectations. often misunderstandings happen because of differences in expectations and lack of communication. it's unfamiliar territory when baby comes and change can be painful.
    figaro8895

    Answer by figaro8895 at 4:20 PM on Nov. 20, 2008

  • There is a awesome movie that could really help you but it also mind offend you especially if you aren't a christian but it has a great point and it is out in theaters now it is called Fireproof! See if you and your husband can see it and maybe it will help you! There is also a book that is from the movie that you can get. Good luck!
    businesswife1

    Answer by businesswife1 at 4:24 PM on Nov. 20, 2008

  • www.fireproofthemovie.com
    businesswife1

    Answer by businesswife1 at 4:25 PM on Nov. 20, 2008

  • It sounds like maybe you guys have been focusing so much on the baby that you haven't been putting each others needs first. If you do that then you'll both feel fullfilled and be able to be more productive in raising your child TOGETHER. I highly recommend the following book: Love & Respect by Emerson Eggerichs. Good luck!
    feesharose

    Answer by feesharose at 4:47 PM on Nov. 20, 2008

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