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2 Bumps

He put her in time out because she didn't want to play with him?????

My ex is not in my dd's life very much. For the first 2 years of her life, he pretty much ignored her then he had visitation for about 9 months (seeing her about 10 hours a week at most) and then he went into the military and has been gone since (with 2, one week vistits in over a year and a half where he saw her a couple times each). Well now he is back at him mom's house on leave for 2 weeks and while he was there, he resumed his visitation schedule. He had my 4 year old dd for 4 hours, I called to check up about 2 hours into it and my dd was crying. I asked what was wrong, he said that he had to put her in time out for 10 min because she was being rude. I thought that was odd because she is usually a very polite child. He said she wouldn't play with him or talk to him, she just wanted to sit there and when his mom can home, she wouldn't play with or talk to her either. I teach her if she can't be nice, then don't say anything, so it seems that was what she was doing, I told him that I didnt' feel that she had done anything wrong and anyway 10 min in time out is really too long for a 4 year old. Am I right? She also put her in time out again because she kept saying she wanted to go home.

Answer Question
 
JLS2388

Asked by JLS2388 at 2:29 PM on Feb. 28, 2011 in Parenting Debate

Level 25 (25,280 Credits)
Answers (11)
  • I would be extremely pissed.  I find it completely uncalled for.  Punishment for wanting to go home?  Punishment for not playing with him?  It sounds to me like he has some issues.

    MrsHouston47302

    Answer by MrsHouston47302 at 2:31 PM on Feb. 28, 2011

  • Yah that is a dad that doens't know what he is doing and is acting like a child himself. I would try to explain to him that she has a choice with who she plays with, that maybe she has to take some time to get to know him again. Maybe tell him to play quiet stuff where they could talk, like coloring or go for a walk. Sounds like he should be easing back into her life again.
    choco_mom

    Answer by choco_mom at 2:47 PM on Feb. 28, 2011

  • That is just wrong and uncalled for, I would be fuming!
    older

    Answer by older at 4:13 PM on Feb. 28, 2011

  • Yes, you are right, and he needs to take some parenting classes. Can you get the visitation orders adjusted temporarily to supervised visitation until she gets to know him better or until he can provide proof of having completed a parenting class?
    mom2aspclboy

    Answer by mom2aspclboy at 6:31 PM on Feb. 28, 2011

  • Since he was gone so long, the judge said only short visit (2-4 hours at a time) 2 days a week
    JLS2388

    Comment by JLS2388 (original poster) at 6:50 PM on Feb. 28, 2011

  • Of course it's not the way to handle it, but he clearly just doesnt know what to do. Maybe she was being nasty about it? Then a timeout would be called for. Otherwise, maybe a few tips from a calm, experience mama.
    new_mom808

    Answer by new_mom808 at 8:33 PM on Feb. 28, 2011

  • i've dealt with this myself. Bio-dad see's our son 2-4 hours a week, if that (his choice). BD's feelings got hurt alot when son was little. I told BD that was his problem, not son's, and he cannot take it out on son or it will push son away further and make things worse. I told him that he can either get over, or get some therapy, but to make our son feel bad about was wrong and i won't put up with that. I would see if you could get him to take a parenting class if he won't take one willingly. my ex wouldn't take one.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:31 AM on Mar. 1, 2011

  • Men. are. stupid.
    salexander

    Answer by salexander at 10:49 AM on Mar. 1, 2011

  • It's a shame that he is home for two weeks and is spending his time laying down the law. What a waste of precious time. It's also sad that this is what she will remember. It's a lose lose situation and so sad.
    Dubey

    Answer by Dubey at 3:56 PM on Mar. 1, 2011

  • While is in the wrong, you can't change how he parents. I would make small recommendations to him... but be careful with that one. I think my stepdaughters mother is a HORRIBLE parent! I think at 8 you should sit down and help children with hw, or don't get on to them when they don't remember to do it on their own. However, I have to shut my mouth when it comes to my SD, even though her education is in jeopardy.
    MKSers

    Answer by MKSers at 5:45 PM on Mar. 1, 2011

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