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2 Bumps

Say what you want but I really need some advice and I can not afford a counciler. so...

3 years ago my husband cheated. I believe he has been faithful ever since then but I can not get over it. I feel like when I just found out. Sick hurt depressed you name it. What can I do to get over this and be fully happy again.

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 3:20 PM on Feb. 28, 2011 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (8)
  • Forgiving is for you not him or the OW. That's how you make peace for yourself. Every time you let it come up and block your life with dh you give the OW power and control over your life. Do you want to give her that? I doubt it. So every time you think about what happened replace that thought with a mental picture of your now happy family. Take the control back from her and enjoy your life.
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 4:40 PM on Feb. 28, 2011

  • Been there. You need to tell him that you are still having a hard time with it. And that while you trust he has been faithful since you are still hurting.

    He may get defensive and a little upset and ask "What do you want me to do" but you have to stay calm and just tell him that that is what you are trying to figure out and that it is clearly something you need to work on together.
    meandrphoto

    Answer by meandrphoto at 3:24 PM on Feb. 28, 2011

  • I would think very seriously about what I would like him to know about how his affair made you feel, and I would state it in words that he could clearly understand. I also would think about exactly what you need to hear from him in the way of an apology. Has he ever said that he was sorry and asked you to forgive him? Do you need to hear him say he won't do it again? If that's what you need to hear, tell him that. Again, make sure you state it clearly and concisely. Once you have said to him what you need to say and have heard from him what you need to hear, you have to choose to put it behind you. It's a good idea to say it out loud. You may have to do it a thousand times, but every time you are tempted to think about how badly you have felt about this, you must say that on such and such a day(write down the date) I chose to be done with this. It will work. How long it will take I can't say, but I know it will work.
    NannyB.

    Answer by NannyB. at 3:27 PM on Feb. 28, 2011

  • Does he know you still have issues with him cheating 3 years ago? Or are you just acting like you got over it?
    louise2

    Answer by louise2 at 3:27 PM on Feb. 28, 2011

  • I'm sorry this happened to you...I think you should talk it out with your husband, let him know that you are still deeply hurt about what happened and that you are not over it yet, he broke your trust and it's going to take a long time to rebuild it....you said you can't afford a counselor but maybe you could go to your pastor (if you are religious) both of you talking it over with a third party could be healthy and help you move on.
    Lucky209

    Answer by Lucky209 at 3:30 PM on Feb. 28, 2011

  • If you still love and trust him (and I know this is easier said than done), when you have those thoughts, tell yourself that it was a long time ago. Recognize those thoughts for what they are -over, done -and let them go. Or maybe you haven't really forgiven him. You are allowing yourself to relive those awful moments, which hurts you and the relationship. Tell yourself that "just for today I will keep myself happy by not allowing bad feelings from yesterday to interfere with today." It takes time and effort, but you can do it.
    Kimimale

    Answer by Kimimale at 3:33 PM on Feb. 28, 2011

  • The suggestions that all the previous posters have made are terrific. Please know that there are counselling services that are based on income. If you can't afford to pay, you don't. See if you can find anything. I hope you do because talking to a 3rd party is extremely helpful.
    Nonoluna

    Answer by Nonoluna at 3:38 PM on Feb. 28, 2011

  • Ask yourself what you need him to do for you to be able to put this behind you. Tell him you are still struggeling with it and he should be understanding about that
    JLS2388

    Answer by JLS2388 at 4:04 PM on Feb. 28, 2011