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3 Bumps


I'm gonna need to give background info, so please bear with me. I have a sister with three kids and a brother with four kids. My brother's kids are darlings, and all have their birthdays really close together, so they love having their "birthday" on the same day with a huge party and presents for all of them at once. They get one special present on their actual birthday. They open every gift and exclaim over it and thank the giver without even being asked to by their parents ( and at 5,4,3, and new, that is just AMAZING!)
My sister's kids all have their own special day, since their birthdays are far apart and they don't like to share anything. They are given presents by everyone and barely get a hole in the paper to see what the gift is before literally throwing the gift aside ( not even unwrapped yet) and diving for the next present. They NEVER say thank you, even when ordered to, and never show any appreciation for their gifts ( which honestly makes buying and giving their gifts an unpleasant chore, while buying gifts for my brother's kids is an absolute joy ).
Now for the problem: My sister's son is 7, and is extremely rude and loud, always having to be the center of attention at every family gathering. At my brother's kids birthday party last year, he refused to stay in his seat, and hovered over the birthday kids, commentating loudly about his own birthday, which wasn't for months. He asked over and over to open "just one" present, took presents out of each birthday child's hands as they opened them, and was in EVERY SINGLE photograph that six different cameras were taking of the birthday kids opening their presents. I mean, they didn't have ONE picture of their kids opening presents on their birthday.
My baby's first birthday is coming up in a month, and I really want it to be special for him. Not tons of gifts, just a few special things that he'd really like. I feel that a kid's birthday is THEIR day and they should be the center of attention and have their picture taken a million times all happy. However, we live in a TINY apartment and can't have the family party here, so my parents have offered to have it at their big house. Unfortunately, my sister and her kids live there too, and there is NO WAY to avoid having this kid at the party. I just know that if he butts his head into all my pictures and ruins my baby's fist birthday I will not be able to be polite about it. My sister does not see how rude her son is and doesn't believe in any kind of discepline at all. I don't want to not have a party for my son, but I also don't want to start the fight that my temper is going to when this inevitable thing happens.....Please help with any ideas? We have a very small budget and can't even afford a small hall for the occassion. It's family home or no party at this point :( Do you think I should try talking to her before the party? Keeping in mind that any discussion about her kids rude manners insults her to the point where she just won't talk to you for months....Is it worth having the discussion anyway and facing the wrath of a defensive mom? Please, supermoms, help!!


Asked by alphamom26 at 3:52 PM on Feb. 28, 2011 in General Parenting

Level 17 (3,274 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (6)
  • I'd have his real first birthday with just you, hubby, and maybe the grandparents at your home. Take all your photos, give him the cake, etc. Then have a family bash (at the grandparents) and let your nephew run wild. He won't ruin your pics since you already took them.

    Answer by Orionsgirl at 4:22 PM on Feb. 28, 2011

  • I think that I would not invite the cousins at all this time. You can say that it's the 1st birthday and you want to keep it small since your daughter is so young.

    but, keep in mind that there are going to be a lot of birthdays to come. I have this suggestion. When I was growing up, we had a kids party and a family party. the family party was usually whenever we could all get together, usually during a holiday. My cousins never came to my kid parties.
    You could have the 'real' party at your own house with just your immediate family and later maybe with other kid friends and such. The people that you want to invite. then you can have the 'family' with the cousins and all that later.
    I know it's hard, but if you start treating the 'good' kids and the 'bad' kids differently, then it's going to cause resentment, and I mean resentment between your kids and your nieces and nephews.
    happened when I was growing up.

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:54 PM on Feb. 28, 2011

  • If you talk to her about it, does it mean she will stay away WITH her kids? I have been there and I really had to put my foot down and piss some people off. Explain that you want to get lots of pictures and that you don't want to overwhelm the birthday baby and so EVERYONE needs to back up so you can take pictures why dad (or whoever and vice versa) holds the baby and helps open presents. Make a big deal about the baby book and how you want to include all these wonderful moments in the book. If your sister gets that upset then tell her that she doesn't have to be there. If it comes down to rude, then you ask your mom to help you keep the kids back, so you can enjoy it.

    As for their manners, someone eventually will point that out and it will be embarrassing to your sister.

    Answer by MamaRoberts at 4:01 PM on Feb. 28, 2011

  • *while dad holds the baby or someone else... not why..geesh!


    Answer by MamaRoberts at 4:04 PM on Feb. 28, 2011

  • how many time you have? make a list of the most important things and try to do the best.

    Answer by GlitteribonMom at 2:53 PM on Mar. 1, 2011

  • Wow. You need to calm down. Take a few pictures alone if you want, but when he's in the crowd, other kids will get in the picture. I really don't see the problem. That's why most people don't even open presents at parties anymore.

    Answer by mompam at 4:22 PM on Feb. 28, 2011