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5 Bumps

Did i overreact?

my husband quit his job for another. when he told me about this other job i asked a series of questions and i said you better make sure that you ask everything. my husband can be a whimp when it comes to asking questions when it comes to money or work related issues. i don't know why. i mean he has the right to ask how will i make? will i make at least the same amount that i do now, before i quit. i told him i would support him as long as he is told that he would make the same if not more at this new job. so he quit. so i assumed that the answer is yes, then a few days after his new job starts he tells me that at first since this is a new business he can't pay him what he classified the ad for. then later the next wk i find out that he isn't getting paid drive time. at first whenhe was working i was ok with the rate of pay thinking that he is making it up by the number of hrs working but it not getting paid drive time then he is only really working 5-6 hrs a day at $10. his old job paid him $13.50 but we used about $600+ on gas. here he rarely drives and only about 3 blocks. somehow thought it doesn't seem to of helped save money. anyway long story short i have been telling to tell his new boss, hey when will i get paid more, when will i get paid drive time and he never has a solid answer. so i figured the only to jault him out of this habit was to tell him i'm leaving him. which i did, but i'm being crititized (sp)by his family. i'm not saying i'm divorcing him just that i'm leaving. i feel he needs to grow some nuts. if i stay he will continue to let people take advantage of him. now i'm feeling ashamed that i felt i had to go to this drastic measure. it's not an issue where work is just slow that he isn't getting paid, i strongly feel that this guy is taking back everything he is to be selfish to keep what he can and use the men he has working for him. he told me he was going to give this guy another month but i'm like no. we can't go another month. he is not making even half of what he made before. i will leave if he doesn't grow some nuts soon. i can't have him be more concerned about this person over his own family. that is what he just said a few minutes that he really liked this job and wanted to help joe get this business going. come on this guy is probably getting paid $500 plus per house and they do about 2 -3 per day sometimes more. the business is him cleaning out banked or foreclosure homes. tell me it doesn't sound like he being taken advantage of.

 
melody77

Asked by melody77 at 7:23 PM on Feb. 28, 2011 in Relationships

Level 18 (5,435 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (16)
  • I think that that borders stupidity as opposed to simply lacking in the jewels. I mean, how do you make a decision to leave a job that you NEED to provide for your family without knowing the answers to things like "how much will I be making?"!!!! I am so fortunate that I can trust my hubby to make good financial decisions for us, because I have seen finances ruin so many marriages, and to me, this is a matter of completely disregarding your family's need for financial stability. I would also be thinking about how long I wanted to deal with a string of issues like this ( assuming it is not a one time incident). Stick to your guns. I don't think you're being "all about money", but more about "how are we going to afford life if you don't have the brains or balls enough to make sure you're making good financial decisions."
    Mom-2-3-Girlz

    Answer by Mom-2-3-Girlz at 8:53 PM on Feb. 28, 2011

  • IMHO I think you over reacted. I'm not saying this to sound harsh or mean..but if money is that important to you...do you work?? I couldn't imagine telling my husband I was going to leave him because he wouldn't confront his boss on a raise...I'm sorry that sounds selfish to me. I understand that he has to make a certain amount to make bills and all that, but for you to give him an ultimatum over it.....his family has ever right to be pissed. I just keep asking myself...well does she work? I hope you are ready to actually leave him...just saying if my hubby or I did that to each other....one of us would be out on our ears. Good Luck to you, this sounds like a hard situation to be in.
    kitchenwitch78

    Answer by kitchenwitch78 at 7:40 PM on Feb. 28, 2011

  • Ulitmatums never work.

    It's impossible to control other peoples behavior.
    UpSheRises

    Answer by UpSheRises at 7:29 PM on Feb. 28, 2011

  • How long have you known him? Some people are not people that are able to speak out. You most likely knew this about him before you married him. You need to except people for who they are.
    In addition, I have learned that ultimatium just piss people off and have them work harder to NOT do as you wish.
    It kinda seems like you have control issues. Maybe you should leave, just so he doesn't have to be humiliated by you anymore. He might actually have a job he is happy with and a quiet life at home without someone telling him he isn't man enough.
    layh41407

    Answer by layh41407 at 7:55 PM on Feb. 28, 2011

  • "but if money is that important to you...do you work?? I couldn't imagine telling my husband I was going to leave him because he wouldn't confront his boss on a raise...I'm sorry that sounds selfish to me."

    I think you are being overly critical in your assumptions of this woman. Do you know how tight their financial situation is? Your making it seem like she's upset because now she can't get her weekly manicure when in fact this might mean not being able to make a car insurance payment. We don't know. How many families in this economy right now would be devasted by a couple hundred dollar paycut. What does it matter if she works or not? If their agreed upon living arrangement was that she would be a SAHM and he went and made a poor decision that jepordizes the way their family works. Yeah I'd be miffed

    I think she has every right to be upset. The question is if leaving over this is over reacting.
    kayslay

    Answer by kayslay at 7:58 PM on Feb. 28, 2011

  • do you work? the only reason i ask is because i find it really hard to get mad at my husband's crappy financial decisions if i'm not working...

    either way, are you more upset about him making a bad decision or about him not having the guts to own up to it?

    I wouldn't leave my husband but i'd discuss with him that some changes really need to be made, ASAP.

    also, i wouldn't call his boss. i did that once, it didn't end well. lol. when i was pregnant i was extremely hormonal and my husband was being somewhat of a pansy about taking off for a doctor's appointment....it was just a bad situation.
    erinwhitt

    Answer by erinwhitt at 8:19 PM on Feb. 28, 2011

  • I can't even imagine.  I wouldn't be able to handle the no nuts thing period.  It sounds to me like a seriously bad choice but hopefully it will pay off soon.  If he plans on staying another month, how does leaving help though?

    MrsHouston47302

    Answer by MrsHouston47302 at 7:28 PM on Feb. 28, 2011

  • thats true but i can't live like this so i guess it's not really one. either he puts our family first or i leave. leaving now might help might not but if i don't that won't help either right? eventually i would divorce him i'm just saying that right now i'm not doing that. i think the job is taking off for his boss, who happened to buy a new truck
    melody77

    Comment by melody77 (original poster) at 7:34 PM on Feb. 28, 2011

  • Why don't you use your nuts and call the boss? I have just accepted that my man is not really a fighter and I am the one who has to put on the gloves when people start dicking around.

    I can't really make a judgement on if this is something worth leaving him over. But I do know that for me personally when someone starts threatening to leave when I don't act as they want (especially if it's something that is hard for my nature) then it starts to create a lot of trust and security issues for me. I also resent it. Just some things to think about. I know your at your wits end and are just trying to do what you think will work.

    good luck hope it all works out
    kayslay

    Answer by kayslay at 7:39 PM on Feb. 28, 2011

  • yea he nds to grow some balls lol.....but i dnt knw wat leaving him will do weither it will b for the go or bad. hope everything wrks out.
    kelleyplus2

    Answer by kelleyplus2 at 8:03 PM on Feb. 28, 2011

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