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5 Bumps

If you have a friend who is unemployed, has a terminally ill boyfriend (who can't work), they have 9 kids together ages 14-new born;

going crazyand they keep coming to your house at least 4 times a week for diapers, money,food, etc.... and this is causing a rift between u and your s/o because he thinks u are enabling your friends and giving away your hard earned money... how would u handle the situation the next time they ask for a handout? true story..         ps..it breaks your heart to see the kids go hungry.

 
gwen20

Asked by gwen20 at 8:01 PM on Feb. 28, 2011 in Relationships

Level 35 (71,622 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (30)
  • Reffer them to the PA office, food banks, churches etc
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:08 PM on Feb. 28, 2011

  • That is horrible. I would continue the handouts as long as i could afford to and/or find out what community services are available.
    UpSheRises

    Answer by UpSheRises at 8:04 PM on Feb. 28, 2011

  • if she is a close enough friend to be coming to you for help, id let her know its taking a toll on your marriage.. and that you LOVE helping her and will continue to help.. but maybe start helping her look for other help like the government and things provide.
    mohme2three

    Answer by mohme2three at 8:06 PM on Feb. 28, 2011

  • Sorry, Hon. But your hubby is probably right. If what you are doing for them is cutting into your budget in ANY way then its a problem. And obvioulsy they cant help themselves, theyll just keep depending on you. You need to let them know you cant do it anymore, it might be hard but it needs to be done.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:05 PM on Feb. 28, 2011

  • I'd help them find help. I'd first of all sign him up for disability. I might even suggest they get married so she can get Social Security for all the kids when he dies.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:11 PM on Feb. 28, 2011

  • I'd sit the kids down for a meal and take the 2 adults in the next room over to tell them no more handouts. Tell her you will try and help her find work, but that the current situation can't continue.
    lovingmy4babies

    Answer by lovingmy4babies at 8:05 PM on Feb. 28, 2011

  • btw, he's terminally ill and they just had their 9th kid?!
    erinwhitt

    Answer by erinwhitt at 8:09 PM on Feb. 28, 2011

  • your husband is right you are enabling. These are users. They should be able to get food stamps. Are you absolutely sure he is sick?
    tootoobusy

    Answer by tootoobusy at 8:19 PM on Feb. 28, 2011

  • Remember it doesnt help her one bit if you are so tapped out you have nothing left to give.
    NightOwlMama

    Answer by NightOwlMama at 8:33 PM on Feb. 28, 2011

  • I'm sorry, but if they can't care for their children, I think CPS should be involved.
    Your S/O is right..........you ARE enabling them.

    I COMPLETELY understand why. The children are innocent victims in their parent's selfishness and irresponsibility.

    I think if it were me, I would be sure to cook extra with each meal I make my own family and bring it to them, but I would NOT give her money.

    If he is disabled, he should be getting some disability income, no? Where is that money going??
    And if he can't work, he should take care of the children while SHE works.

    This kind of crap infuriates me! It's this sense of entitlement and irresponsibility. There are plenty of people who are more than capable to support and care and love a child who can't have one. I know, I'm one of them. I was fortunate enough to be able to adopt our son 17 years ago, but my current dh and I tried for over a year to conceive & were unable
    5150mama

    Answer by 5150mama at 8:43 PM on Feb. 28, 2011