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How do I deal with my step kids' natural mother whom I dislike so deeply??

I have 2 step kids (10 & 7) and a new baby of my own. I love all my kids so much and don't even consider them my 'step' children. I've been around them for the past 4 yrs.I don't agree with a lot of how they are being cared for when they are visiting with their natural mother. We are on a 50/50 visitation and they don't shower when they are with her, they don't brush their teeth, sometimes they don't do their hmwk. They eat a lot of fast food. We try hard to teach them to respect their bodies and be healthy and clean. When they go over there, all our efforts in trying to raise them right goes down the drain until they come back to us. It's an aweful situation for them. Sure they get to see both parents equally, but we don't believe it's the right way to be raising kids. We think they need a primary hm if you want them raised right. I just don't know how to stay quiet about her or approach her w/o starting a fight.

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Asked by Jakl at 4:49 PM on Nov. 20, 2008 in General Parenting

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Answers (4)
  • You don't. Her home, her rules. Nothing you do will change that and anything you try may very well make things worse.
    If you really feel that they need a primary home, then you need to talk it over with hubby and see if he is willing to reopen the custody issue.

    Answer by kaycee14 at 5:04 PM on Nov. 20, 2008

  • In my opinion what she's doing is emotionally abusing her children as well as physically neglecting them. Talk to your husband, it is his place to discuss these issues with the mother of his children. If she is unreasonable and refuses to shape up I believe you and your husband should go to court and file for sole custody of the children and also contact which ever agency deals with child protection (i.e. in Connecticut it's DCF, Department of Children and Famililes but I know the name differs from state to state) and report her.

    Answer by momof2inCT2007 at 6:43 PM on Nov. 20, 2008

  • I have to agree with kaycee14. You really can not say anything to her. If you husband wants to try and talk to her that would be the best way to go.

    I also agree that if you feel that they should be with you and that she should just get visitation then you have to go back to court, It is something that you both have to want to do. You also have to remember that even if you do this more then likely they will still be able to see their mother.

    I would just be very careful because although you are trying to do what is best for your children this is still their mother and you do not want them to start disliking you because you are taking her away from them. At least that might be the way they see it even if it is not true.

    Good Luck

    Answer by cornflakegirl3 at 9:31 PM on Nov. 20, 2008

  • Oh my gosh!!! I seriously have your life too! I am a step mom to a 7 in december girl and a 10 in december boy! I would love to talk to you about any questions or concerns you have or if you just want to vent!!! your hubby's ex sounds just like mine! I have been with the children since she was 2 and he was 5!

    Answer by KylonsMom at 1:33 PM on Nov. 21, 2008

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