Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Should I marry my son's father?

He is so in love with me and our baby but I just don't feel it. I'm physically repulsed by him, I'm not in love with him anymore. He gets on my nerves, he's possessive, wants to be with me ALL the time... But he is a GREAT father and takes care of me financially and IS very much in love with me. I feel that my son deserves a nuclear family like we both had. But then again I don't feel it and know it's wrong to marry someone when you're not in love. But also I feel who else will love me like he does and take care of me and my son? I don't know what to do... He is also the only chance I have to move out of my parent's house because I am broke. I would love for it to work out in the end but I can't force myself to feel for him. I love him as a friend and my son's father but that's it.

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 5:26 PM on Nov. 20, 2008 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (8)
  • I was thinking about arranged marriages too when I started reading this. My parents got remarried for the sole purpose of money and now they are happy. I guess if it didn't work out you could get a divorce but, you never know you could fall back in love or continue to respect each other and give your son the two parent household he deserves. AT least if it didn't work out you could say you tried.
    matthewscandi

    Answer by matthewscandi at 5:40 PM on Nov. 20, 2008

  • back in the day of arranged marriages it wasn't about feeling it either. It was about what was a smart move. If you are all about feelings then don't marry the man. If you are about security and having your child live in a home where the two parents are there and love him and provide for him with mutual respect if not true love then I can't see anything wrong with that. I married for love one time. Trust me, it's over rated. I'd be thrilled to find a man who cared for me and would take care of me but then I'm old! LOL
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 5:34 PM on Nov. 20, 2008

  • yes
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:38 PM on Nov. 20, 2008

  • NO. NO NO NO. If you are repulsed by him and the only reason you are even considering it is that he is the sperm donor and it gives you an out, I don't think it's fair to either one of you. It would be very selfish to do that... if he is the good person you feel he is, if you think marriage is the ultimate goal, try exploring your reason for no longer being in love first. He deserves honesty, right?
    figaro8895

    Answer by figaro8895 at 5:45 PM on Nov. 20, 2008

  • For anyone who thinks I should, (I am the OP)... What about him pressuring me to have sex with him? I never want to because it makes me sick. I don't love him... I can't force myself to kiss him half the time let along have sex. Ugh... Disgusting... He sees through my acting. He knows I don't love him but he continues to try to make it work. Now that's devotion. He's giving me every reason to marry him, except I don't love him. This freakin' sucks.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:48 PM on Nov. 20, 2008

  • If you were to get married, you might have the nuclear family, but I doubt it would be the same as what you had growing up. If you're in a relationship where you're repulsed to be touched by him, your child is going to pick up on that. As far as being able to find someone else, you can...I think that is every single mother's fear, but it shouldn't be.
    kabbot01

    Answer by kabbot01 at 6:17 PM on Nov. 20, 2008

  • If he doesnt care that you dont love him, and still tries to "make it work"... thats more like obsession, not love.
    LovinMyMikayla

    Answer by LovinMyMikayla at 7:16 PM on Nov. 20, 2008

  • First off, love, is rarely a feeling that sticks. Thats part of the problem today. Fall out of "love" then brake it off and move to the next one. Love is a choice. Its seeking the best for eachother every day, dispite your emotional feelings. I think that you may benifit from just dating eachother. Rushing into marriage, when your not sure, will only build feelings of resentment. It kinda sounds like your feel smothered? You need to talk to him. Tell him that you do want what is best for your child, but that you don't have those feelings, and that he needs to back off just a bit. And you try pushing any negitive thoughts about him out of your head any time they arise, and start reminding yourself of everything that you do like about him. Give it time. I understand that you want to get out of your parents house, but don't rush into something that you clearly are not ready for.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:48 PM on Nov. 20, 2008