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Im at the breaking point.. what do I do?

I feel like I have completely lost control of my 6 year old. ( a little background). DH and I have done our best to be consistant in disiplining and keeping a fairly normal schedule to be followed in our house, but its gotten harder since our 2 other boys arrived (2 years old, 2 months old). We have worked hard to make sure he gets the attention he needs, but if you have 3 kids.. you know how impossible this is. I am a mostly SAHM (minimal PT job when DH is home from work). DH and I have a great relationship and we love our kids dearly. Life has been rough because our 3rd child was unexpected, and it has taken a toll on us with finances, etc. We live in a small 2 bed 1 bath apartment, and are unable to move to a larger space, so the 2 boys share a room and the baby is in our room (for now).

My oldest is constantly bossing around his 2 year old brother, acting very intimidating to him, stealing his toys, blaming him for things he doesnt do, telling me he wants him dead..... its awful. When his brother was first born, he adored him. Everything was fine until this last year.. when brother started wanting to play with big brohers toys and was able to get to them. I have tried EVERYTHING to make sharing fair to each (including letting both boys have their toys that are off limits to anyone else), but this space is small and its hard to give them seperate playing areas or their own 'alone time'. Oldest son is not willing to share anythign anyways, and it is a constant battle. He also is acting out at me and DH, always complainign about everything, saying no about EVERYTHING, saying he hates school, he refuses to read or do homework, complains about anything we make for food, has become extremely demanding.... I hate it. We dont give in of course, and he has to read or do homework (though he will cry the entire time). He is disiplined when he acts out but its like it doesnt even phase him. It takes every thing in me not to beat some sense into him (i do no physically abuse my kids).

I dont like him anymore. I try so hard to communicate, to understand him, to be sympathetic that he is an older brother and I am sure he is feeling left out, etc.... I try to include him, try to make special time for just us... but nothing seems to be helping. I wake up every day dreading the guilt I know I will feel all day because I lose patience with him so quickly, and I cannot stand to see him be so rude to his brother or hear him defy everything i ask. I am so so sick of this battle. I serisouly just want to leave so I dont have to deal with him anymore. I cant make things better for him.. I dont know how.

What can I do? Should I take us to counceling? I think he would be afraid and not understand... He is an amazingly brilliant kid and a very sensitive one as well... Im so lost. I feel like I am failing and I cant take the heart break anymore. It is ruining the relationships with everyone in this house.

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 11:03 AM on Mar. 1, 2011 in General Parenting

Answers (6)
  • I would try some counseling. You sound like you have tried every thing you can do, to the best of your ability. Good luck to you.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:09 AM on Mar. 1, 2011

  • When my son gets a little complainish about our situation, we volunteer. I talk to him about how other people don't have what we have and how we are lucky, and sometimes things don't go the way we want but we have to be grateful for what we have. Sometimes he gets inspired to donate some toys about every 3 months some of his gently used toys, and sometimes he plays with the kids there and has fun but showing him there are all sorts of walks in life and we do with what we have has helped him.
    Punkslilncs

    Answer by Punkslilncs at 11:14 AM on Mar. 1, 2011

  • Are there consistant consequences when he behaves this way? Counseling never hurts and might help, you won't know until you try it. I would do a behavior chart and give him an X when he is rude to his brother and give him three chances before you take away a favorite toy.
    parajumper3

    Answer by parajumper3 at 11:20 AM on Mar. 1, 2011

  • my daughters were the same way but i have found something that is working amazing you might think it sounds crazy but it works great we have been doing it for a month now and its amazing we use a card system the system is to tech your child stability and to teach the adult not to base punishment off of emotion here is how it works there are 6 cards (white,yellow,orange,red,blue and brown which i made)..everyday the girls start off with a white card which has a smiley face on in hints its a good card... now say you tell them to do somthing and they dont listen they get a yellow card which means they get time out for the age in minutes ..once they are done with time out they go back to white but say they do the same thing you told them not to do that they go the yellow card for they now get a orange card which means time out for there age in min times 2 and so on and so forth it has worked amazing
    Rebecca.R.

    Answer by Rebecca.R. at 11:26 AM on Mar. 1, 2011

  • white card=good card
    yellow card=time out for age in minutes
    orange card=time out for age x 2
    red card=loss of privileges for the age in hours
    blue card=red card and restriction
    brown card=grounded for 24 hrs and restrictions
    Rebecca.R.

    Answer by Rebecca.R. at 11:29 AM on Mar. 1, 2011

  • My son is 5 and a half...keep up on him, but I am here to tell you kids go through stages and I know that age 5-6 they get mouthy! Just be consistant and it will pass.
    salexander

    Answer by salexander at 1:46 PM on Mar. 1, 2011

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