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Is it normal for a step child to......?

My step daughters love me to death. They both call me mommy and they fight over who is going sit on my lap it's crazy. My step son on the other hand only wants me to help with home work. He is open with me tells me that he hates his real mommy but he really doesn't have much to do with me. He lets me hug him he never tells me he loves me or any thing like that. He calls me mommy when he wants something. He always wants his dad.

Since we found out I could be pregnant he has been even less attached to me. Is this normal or should I be concerned? I've been in his life going on two yrs. Daddy and I have been married for one year.

 
diamondsky

Asked by diamondsky at 12:44 PM on Mar. 1, 2011 in General Parenting

Level 11 (556 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (9)
  • So, he has been let-down by his real mom . . . he actually can't let himself get close to you because he is worried you will "let him down", too. Another baby increases those chances in his eyes.

    Give him alot of understanding. "I love you's" and hugs. He is hurt and very sensitive. Tell him regularly that you will not be going anywhere.

    Good luck.
    ImaginationMama

    Answer by ImaginationMama at 12:50 PM on Mar. 1, 2011

  • Id be more concerned about them hating their mom. Thats probably more at the core of the problem. If he has a negative opinion of the woman whose his mother he wont trust women.
    gemgem

    Answer by gemgem at 12:45 PM on Mar. 1, 2011

  • I am not saying this is the case or that you have done anything that would promote the idea, but is it possible that he is worried he will be replaced? I can kind of see how a child would be jealous that things didn't work out with his mom and dad, and now dad is having a "new" family.

    My daughter has never been through a divorce, but I know she was extremely jealous of a "new baby". I tried to say things to her like "you're so special to me because you taught me how to be a mom. You were my first baby, and I wanted you so bad, but I didn't know how to be a mommy yet, and you taught me." It was a little exaggerated, but honest, and it drove home the point that she was unique and special to me...had something that couldn't be replaced.
    Mom-2-3-Girlz

    Answer by Mom-2-3-Girlz at 1:32 PM on Mar. 1, 2011

  • not all kids are going to attach to their step-parent easily. And I would think that in his mind if you're pregnant you won't love him and his sisters anymore b/c you'll have your own baby. I would be sure that if I was pregnant to sit down with all of them and make sure that they know that you will love them just as much when the baby comes.
    PhoenixsMommy10

    Answer by PhoenixsMommy10 at 12:47 PM on Mar. 1, 2011

  • I'm a step daughter and my step dad has been in my life since I was 4 (15 years) and we still butt heads and I still don't and probably won't every call him 'dad.' Now if I'm talking about him I'll refer to him as my dad but I don't call him dad.
    iluvmm09

    Answer by iluvmm09 at 12:48 PM on Mar. 1, 2011

  • I'm guessing the one that doesn't call you mommy is the oldest. He is the one holding on to the knowledge of how life used to be, including a different mommy. His actions are normal, but you should still be concerned. Maybe he could use a counsler.
    Candi1024

    Answer by Candi1024 at 1:02 PM on Mar. 1, 2011

  • It takes awhile all kids a different. Maybe he feels you will love the baby more then him.
    dancer

    Answer by dancer at 12:46 PM on Mar. 1, 2011

  • I think it's normal. He's probably trying to resolve his feelings. Kids can feel like attaching to their step parent(s) is a betrayal to their bio parent(s).
    1smartcookie

    Answer by 1smartcookie at 12:50 PM on Mar. 1, 2011

  • yes... most stepkids hate the step parents.....
    khf22

    Answer by khf22 at 4:31 PM on Mar. 1, 2011