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Don't you hate...

being a SAHM and having your husband come home from work saying he can't imagine what you do all day?! My hubby works night shift, comes home at 5 AM, showers, is in bed at 6AM and sleeps until noon. Then, when I ask him for a break he says "Oh yeah. You only got to sleep all night." No. No I did not. I was up all morning taking care of a 20 month old with a cold, he gets up at noon, does the dishes, then watches TV until he has to get ready for work. I cook dinner, we eat, he leaves for work, and then I'm taking care of the baby again. Then, once he goes to bed at 9, I clean the house and sometimes it takes until 1AM and then I also have to study for the postal battery exam. So I go to bed around an hour before he gets home. He truly doesn't understand. Yeah, you have to fix a conveyor and replace batteries in a forklift, and I won't pretend it's not hard work, but what I do at home every day is difficult too.

That is why, tomorrow, aside from what our son needs, I will not do any of it. Let's see how "easy" he thinks it is after that.


Asked by MamaStuart at 1:24 PM on Mar. 1, 2011 in Money & Work

Level 19 (8,209 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (11)
  • It's an argument that no one will ever win... no one understands until they have had to do it for themselves. Trust me... I went for 18 years with those games... Yes he works, yes he needs sleep, yet you also work and need sleep, it's a vicious circle!

    Answer by m-avi at 2:27 PM on Mar. 1, 2011

  • This is why I'm not a SAHM. Unless both parties can agree that their "work" is equal all it does it create drama. So we both work and both help out around the house and with the kids.

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:28 PM on Mar. 1, 2011

  • lol good luck ;)

    Answer by MelissaAnn224 at 1:26 PM on Mar. 1, 2011

  • Good luck with that approach.

    Answer by meooma at 1:28 PM on Mar. 1, 2011

  • Sounds like your husband does not respect or appreciate your contributions. I worked PT, on the night shift when my kids were little, leaving my husband in charge at night and on weekends. He totally "got it." I would never have been a SAHM for this exact reason. I think for many relationships, both parents need to walk in the other's shoes, in order to fully appreciate and balance the load.


    Answer by Sisteract at 1:30 PM on Mar. 1, 2011

  • Try leaving your kids with your husband and he says he's got it....but he reverts back to how he treats you? What a great feeling huh? NOT.

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:31 PM on Mar. 1, 2011

  • but what I do at home every day is difficult too.

    A couple of things that are very different from home VS the home, you can take a break or put off whatever you wish (kinda like you're planning to do today), and 2- you do not get paid for what you do because only your family profits. If your husband were to wage a "strike" or work stoppage, he'd likely be reprimanded, or even fired-


    Answer by Sisteract at 1:35 PM on Mar. 1, 2011

  • @ Sisteract Yes, but if I don't do what I do everyday, we could lose our son due to "unfit environment", we'd never have clothes to wear because they'd all be sitting in the hamper, we'd be eating take out every night, doctors, dentist and eye doctor appointments would never be made, the floors would be sticky, the list goes on. I'm not saying he has to praise me for it because he does work hard too. I'm just asking that he recognize that I work too instead of being treated like I just sit on my but all day.

    Comment by MamaStuart (original poster) at 1:43 PM on Mar. 1, 2011

  • If I went to work each day, and my husband stayed at home, I would expect to arrive home to a clean home, laundered clothes, bills paid, children cared for and meals prepared. I would expect that my SAHP worked just as hard as I did. Now that I am all but retired, I thank my husband often for working hard to provide us a wonderful life (we are mid 50s). Being at home is a piece of cake (kids are in and out as they attend college and live away), as compared with working AND co-ordinating all those items you've listed. Working parents still must cook, clean, parent, run errands and make appts. I've done both-being at home IS far less stressful-


    Answer by Sisteract at 1:58 PM on Mar. 1, 2011

  • Yes, but as I said, I'm not looking to be celebrated for it. I just want him to stop telling me I do nothing. I never tell him what he does is insignificant, so why does he have to treat me like I'm lazy and that what I do doesn't matter. That is the point I am trying to make. Not a "who's job is harder" competition. I know his job is more stressful and that he works hard. And I always give him credit for that and tell him how proud I am of him. So why can't he just say "Oh, the house is so clean" or just say nothing at all instead of "Well I would love to see what you do all day." or "Why should I take him to the store with me? Watching him isn't that hard." And I would also like to point out that he gets three days off a week and he gets to relax those three days. I don't get a break from mommy land. It's all day everyday.

    Comment by MamaStuart (original poster) at 2:19 PM on Mar. 1, 2011